Zen..
No expert here...
My tech is take responsibility for the problem and solution.
If i blame someone or something else....
I have lost control of the problem...
E.g. i have anxiety issues because my Mom never huggged me. Can't change it. I force myself to be a hugger now.
It puts the ball in my court. Giving a hug feels as good as getting one.
The 1 arm hug is may fav.