Originally Posted by forabetterlife

Help and need - I am all about lists too! Of course only when I'm not drinking. I have a little planner book that I'm writing in constantly - but once I start a drinking cycle, I don't even open it. Its like that part of me disappears. And I miss her. Top my list also is no drinking. Nothing changes in my life if I don't. From little things like cleaning out a closet to big things like relationships or taking care of myself.

Originally Posted by StrongEnough

Member of the July class who's back to Day 2. This one hurts more than usual, and it's not just the cravings/hangover/PAWS. I managed to lose my job this time. I'm trying to look at it as a blessing because it was a massive source of stress at a time when I needed to be focused on my disease. But I let a lot of people down. Thankfully, everyone I've talked to has been understanding. My wife was the biggest source of strength. In the past there would have been a lot of anger and threats after a mistake like this. Not this time. She saw how much pain I was in and really took charge of the situation. The last few years have been hell for her, but we've been together for more than fifteen. She believes in me, but knows that I can't give one inch to my disease. I need to treat it like diabetes, something I could have prevented but a manageable sickness. I've taken the first step and, for the first time, I'm 100% committed to recovery. There's no job to worry about and no emotional abuse or constant shaming from my wife. I'll be posting every day to track my progress. I did that back in July and it was nice to go back and read my posts again. It reminded me that these feelings I'm having right now will pass. I can be healthy again. I just need to stay vigilant. Thanks for reading this. I hope I'll never have to be in this position again, but it helps to hear that others have made it through similar situations.

Originally Posted by kellymh24

Hi, guys! Today is day 10 and I'm feeling pretty good. Still playing the tape(s). Like many of you have mentioned, being in those environments where others are drinking of even thinking of times (like lunch outside on a patio) that make me want to drink have been hard. I totally have the jealousy thing. I see people going to happy hour and having cocktails at their leisure and it makes me really sad. But then I remember that those people can have a couple and go home. Me? I go home only after i've drank much faster than everyone else and only after i've stopped at the liquor store before reaching home. And there's a good chance I might go back before the night is up. And then, while those sweet little happy hour goers are long asleep, I'm still plowing through booze at 1am, passing out at 3am and waking up with a wicked hangover wondering how I'm going to function at work. All because I went to happy hour. (There's one of my tapes I play) I really am so thankful for the whole 'playing the tape' explanation. I've said it before, I know, but it really helps me get over the jealousy thing and pushes the cravings away. So something I recently noticed after my drinking.... When I wake up the next day, I'm congested. If I talk, just about anyone who knew me would ask if I was getting sick. And then, a day or two later, its gone. This started happening every time I drank up until my sobriety started 10 days ago for about 3 weeks. My ears also did this weird thing every time I hiccup/burp for a few days after also. I googled it the most common answer was that it is an indication of an alcohol intolerance (allergy). I'm 33 and have been drinking for well over a decade and never had this happen. All of a sudden I have an alcohol intolerance? Anyone else have anything like this happen to them?? So anyways, that being said, it sorta freaks me out and its actually been something that drives me to stay sober. I've been feeling pretty strong but between now and about 3 weeks it gets pretty hard. I'm just praying my mind doesn't try to give me a hard time in the next 10 days or so. Days 10-20... UGH What are the hardest days for everyone else when you're trying stay sober?!

Originally Posted by Jsbodhi

Well that was ridiculous, I got an overwhelming sugar craving and just had to drive to 7-11 at 11 pm in my pyjamas to buy candy, I think I bought too much, but I certainly feel better.

Originally Posted by helpimalive

Also nmd (I think it was you) you posted about having a "plan z." That's an awesome idea. Do you have a link to where that idea came from? I'd like to know more.

Originally Posted by helpimalive

Nmd, I also wanted to comment on the poem you linked to--I may not drink anymore, but Bukowski is still a favorite of mine. His novel "Factotum" shows how he can both be a chronic unapologetic alcoholic, and believe ghe stuff he says in The Laughing Heart. It's such a good book. I recommend it for anyone who isn't triggered by depictions of people drinking. But then there's his poem "The Ice Cream People." It's pretty much the only thing he wrote about a time in his life he was trying to stay sober (for health reasons). It sticks in the head in a big way. It's a

Originally Posted by helpimalive

I just wanted to post it. I think a lot about this poem. I always had this term in my head I'd use, "open door people." That's people who don't close the doors to the rooms they occupy, it doesn't even occur to them to close the doors, because they never have anything to hide or be ashamed of. Open door people leave their papers all over their desks, and the doors open anyway, because they don't care if you read what they're writing about. A person who has always been an open door person, who did not have to learn to be an open door person, is a very special individual. Be friends with any such open door people you meet.

After I read this poem, I think of them as open door/ice cream people. They are a happy people. And I am not one of them. But I can appreciate them, and emulate them, and learn from them.

:P

Originally Posted by Dee74

Welcome clarebear

nmd, are these social interactions mandatory ones?

D

Originally Posted by Soberish

I've been having some issues with my social interactions as well nmd. Some days I can do them and some days I have to really put some effort into it.

Basically, if I'm feeling OK then my conversation turns out fine. But if I'm feeling down and out or anxious then I almost feel as if the person I'm speaking with knows I am feeling this way, which makes my social interaction a bit weird and awkward.

Just letting you know I can relate to the hard to deal with social interactions.

Hope all is well Class of October. I'm still chugging along, longest stint I've done in over a year!

Originally Posted by grizzlybearblue

thank you!! Your encouragement is much appreciated

I am definitely feeling better than I have in years and looking a lot healthier too!
A little over 2 years ago, I got out of rehab at 29 days, went to a meeting at 30 days to get my chip, and on the 31st day I started drinking again. With a few exceptions here and there, I've pretty much been a daily drinker ever since then (and weekends total binging). I don't want to get too ahead of myself, but I have got my eye on a prize- at 32 days that will be my longest in 7 years. I want it BAD!!!! I can only get there one day at a time, but I am definitely already entertaining thoughts of how amazing that will feel! Thanks for being on this journey with me : )

Originally Posted by helpimalive

Sugar is great. I eat ice cream with fruit in it (to pretend it's real food :p ) every night at 1 am