'Push Back' ?

Old 07-20-2015, 03:58 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2014
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I've made it clear upthread this is about a phenomenon not individual posters, AF.
If you feel slighted you can take it up with an Admin.

Aren't you an admin?
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Old 07-20-2015, 03:59 PM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Purpleknight View Post
Possibly too much screen time Dee, maybe you need to put the feet up for a while!!

Ahem . . . not that we're trying to get rid of you or anything!!
Originally Posted by Venecia View Post
I was just thinking the same thing as PK.

No one would begrudge you a day away from the screen, Dee. You give so very much to this place. I hope you feel better very soon.

lol thanks guys

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Old 07-20-2015, 05:23 PM
  # 63 (permalink)  
aka Nesty
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Hey Dee , I believe I miss understood your post. I was going to reply when I first seen it, but I have never suffered from bad headaches . Well except hangover ones
So I didn't think I could be of any help . This isn't even making sense to me . What I want to say is YES It gets so tiring Pushing that feeling away . After some time pass's a Voice comes out in your head and says - You can't hurt me no more - I'm stronger than you are Now
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Old 07-21-2015, 05:03 AM
  # 64 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by EndGameNYC View Post
Your level of interpretation is based largely on numbers and the intentions of other people. You posit a group dynamic of mutually-triggering responses that become increasingly aggressive. You dismiss the "content of the OP or the poster's history" as being irrelevant when the mutually-triggering dynamic you describe asserts itself, as though all content were equal, and it's only the tone of the responses that differ. If you've ever visited the Weekenders' Thread or pretty much any other thread here on SR, many if not most of the responses can be accurately described as mutually-triggering. How can conversation or any other form of verbal interaction, whether online or IRL, be otherwise?

You don't need to be around for very long to have learned that OPs that carry obvious denial receive many more responses than others. We've all been there, witnessed it many times in ourselves and others, and react or respond not only to its emergence in a particular thread, but to its often destructive nature. You're aware that we've seen the vary same thing when the OP asks about or comments that he or she is planning on moderating his or her drinking.

When the OP is contemplating, planning, or already involved in dangerous behavior that can or will lead to a more complete kind of destruction, then attention is warranted, not only for the OP, but for those who respond. I'd only be shocked if this were not the case. In large numbers and sometimes with something of an edge. It's not the time to whisper when someone is involved in or planning to get involved in potentially destructive behavior which, again, refers back to the very content of the OP, and often to the OP's history.

As for your perception of responders "twisting" the OP's words...Well, I don't see this as anything near an epidemic; a rarity in fact, with the twister being ignored, dismissed or marginalized when he or she does not acknowledge the twisting on their own. The alleged perpetrators aren't necessarily up to no good. I've nothing else to say about it except that multiple responses to a single comment or body of comments is bound to lead to at least a minimum level of confusion or distortion, but I don't see evil in the event.
There is some truth in this post, but to me the defenses far overshadow the useful message here. I know, it's subjective. The only response I am going to make to this comment is that if I were you, EndGame, I would seriously look into myself. To examine why keep reacting the (same) way you seem to be, repeatedly, to my comments weather it's addressed to you or not, public or private. That's all I am willing to say now.
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Old 07-21-2015, 05:09 AM
  # 65 (permalink)  
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Dee, hope your migraine is gone by now and you're feeling well! I have a good friend who gets 3 day migraines and they're just horrid.
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Old 07-21-2015, 05:27 AM
  # 66 (permalink)  
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It is what I treasure most about SR and what has kept me around, even though I feel pretty solid in my sobriety. I know others will say it like they mean it. The only way to achieve sobriety is to get completely honest with oneself and so the people who are giving me advice know true honesty. Having been around this site for almost two years, I can pretty easily divide the posters into two groups: Attention seekers and True Seekers. You have to leave the "attention seeking" part of yourself to the side to find what you are truly looking for in sobriety, if that is what you are truly seeking.
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Old 07-21-2015, 05:36 AM
  # 67 (permalink)  
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Oh, and Dee, I hope you wake up migraine free!!
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Old 07-21-2015, 05:49 AM
  # 68 (permalink)  
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Totally agree with DD. Here, people will say what needs to be said, regardless whether the recipient of that message likes it or not. Simply because those people have been there, done that, and realize how serious of a situation it is. No mucking about.
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Old 07-21-2015, 06:19 AM
  # 69 (permalink)  
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One of my favourite things about this place now is that I know I'll get honest responses by people who 'get it' and care. I'm used to one extreme or the other irl- people either saying whatever they think I want to hear or encouraging my self destruction because I'm a better party friend/entertainment/company for their misery, OR just getting screamed at that I'm pathetic etc. it is incredibly important to me to have somewhere like SR where I get some real honest feedback, even if it's not what I want to hear. Reading those sort of responses to others helps me too. So keep it up guys I think most of us appreciate it.

And D I bet you're sick of the recommendations by now but I get debilitating migraines too that have left me in hospital and if you get auras long enough before the pain, migraine wafers (dunno if I can say the name?) have saved me. Meant to stop the migraine in its tracks which I doesn't do for me, but it does make them much less intense. Sorry if you've already tried! Hope you're better now
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Old 07-21-2015, 02:30 PM
  # 70 (permalink)  
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Thanks guys - migraine seems to be gone now...3 days every time.
Sanguinity has returned

Thanks for the various and interesting perspectives here.

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Old 07-21-2015, 02:53 PM
  # 71 (permalink)  
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Glad you feel better, Dee. I'm not someone who gets migraines regularly, but there was a period in my life (probably the most stressful period ever) when I had a few episodes. I certainly feel for people who are prone to them.

I'm grateful for this thread. I feel I've learned from it a few things that are meaningful and will be useful even in my outside of SR life and outside of recovery-related areas. Thank you for starting this!
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Old 07-21-2015, 03:28 PM
  # 72 (permalink)  
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Hope your migraine buggers off as soon as possible Dee
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Old 07-21-2015, 03:56 PM
  # 73 (permalink)  
...holds the key
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Just saw this thread. Glad sanguinity has returned, Dee.

That's one thing i love about this community....the unparalleled honesty.

Here at home, no one cares whether or not I drink. Actually, I live with a heavy drinker who would prefer me to be his drinking buddy again. I look to you all to help keep my thinking straight and if I get off track I expect to be told so! That's what real friends do for one another. I would rather risk hurting someone's feelings than not be honest about something as life destroying as addiction.

I'm so thankful for you guys!
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Old 07-21-2015, 04:00 PM
  # 74 (permalink)  
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I'm glad you're feeling better, Dee!
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Old 07-21-2015, 04:14 PM
  # 75 (permalink)  
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Dee glad your migraine has lifted (and it sounds like wheels might be dropping ). It always drives me crazy because I try to figure out what I did to set it off. I am glad you are feeling a little better.

Some really great posts on this thread. SR is a very soft place to land, and while an OP may react to posts they don't want to hear and depart, I have witnessed time and again that same poster coming back and being welcomed immediately.

I like the fact that there is such a breadth amongst the type of responses received towards what might feel like a provocative post. There is a sense of a broad community without the onerousness of group think, for we have all approached this pursuit differently. And Dee, you do a brilliant job at fostering fluidity, I know people feel heard. Thank you for everything you do.
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