'Push Back' ?
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Originally Posted by Venecia 
Oh, Dee. It is hard to know that someone who brings so much strength and wisdom to others is feeling pain. I hope the migraine is gone soon. Take good care of yourself.
And yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. A million times yes. If I ever felt myself sliding back, I'd want the full force of this community bringing me back to my senses. As you observed: "This addiction thing is life and death...addiction's greatest sleight of hand is convincing us that dire ends are a million miles away ..."
One of the many great things about SR is that we have the most finely tuned collective BS detector on Earth. We ought to -- who knows BS better than a bunch of recovered alcoholics and addicts who were once so well practiced at living in it? Heck, if we could just patent it ...
And yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. A million times yes. If I ever felt myself sliding back, I'd want the full force of this community bringing me back to my senses. As you observed: "This addiction thing is life and death...addiction's greatest sleight of hand is convincing us that dire ends are a million miles away ..."
One of the many great things about SR is that we have the most finely tuned collective BS detector on Earth. We ought to -- who knows BS better than a bunch of recovered alcoholics and addicts who were once so well practiced at living in it? Heck, if we could just patent it ...
And to everyone at SR - wherever you are in your journey,
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 13,802
Dee, migraines suck pond water. I used to get them frequently and recall one that lasted a month straight.
I have been following some of the difficult threads and feel conflicted. I know most everyone here really cares about others dealing with our shared affliction. And yes, some aren't ready to hear the tough stuff. I personally have a difficult time when people assume I feel one way when what's going on is actually very different. Now, I realize that there is a real possibility that I could be fooling myself when that happens. I know that I'm super sensitive when it comes to some things.
I get uncomfortable when I see someone who I think is in denial and responses to posts say the same things in a variety of ways. The individual then gets "huffy". Once that has happened, it has been my experience that continued discussion along the same lines can cause the recipient to then block everything. That's truly a shame. I don't have a good answer though. As someone said, we really are dealing with life and death here so that also changes the perspective.
I have been following some of the difficult threads and feel conflicted. I know most everyone here really cares about others dealing with our shared affliction. And yes, some aren't ready to hear the tough stuff. I personally have a difficult time when people assume I feel one way when what's going on is actually very different. Now, I realize that there is a real possibility that I could be fooling myself when that happens. I know that I'm super sensitive when it comes to some things.
I get uncomfortable when I see someone who I think is in denial and responses to posts say the same things in a variety of ways. The individual then gets "huffy". Once that has happened, it has been my experience that continued discussion along the same lines can cause the recipient to then block everything. That's truly a shame. I don't have a good answer though. As someone said, we really are dealing with life and death here so that also changes the perspective.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,167
Sometimes, there's no other way to get someone's attention than to push them.
Ask any old timer who's been around the rooms for 20+ years. Ask any parent. Ask any high school teacher or judge.
Recovery isn't all sunshine, rainbows and unicorns.
Ask any old timer who's been around the rooms for 20+ years. Ask any parent. Ask any high school teacher or judge.
Recovery isn't all sunshine, rainbows and unicorns.
aww but I really want sunshine rainbows and unicorns now.
Catch and Release
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Crazy Canuck
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by Saskia
I get uncomfortable when I see someone who I think is in denial and responses to posts say the same things in a variety of ways. The individual then gets "huffy". Once that has happened, it has been my experience that continued discussion along the same lines can cause the recipient to then block everything. That's truly a shame. I don't have a good answer though. As someone said, we really are dealing with life and death here so that also changes the perspective.
CF
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I think the critical responses and straight talking, and lots of this, is essential in recovery because we can get so stuck in our fixations it takes some real force to loosen it.
If I am allowed a little bit of critique though... one thing that sometimes makes me uncomfortable is that sometimes the "push back" (or any form of mass reaction) can get quite unequal in that some posters receive a lot of it (like it happened this past weekend) and others mostly more mellow and accepting comments. I have been around long enough to confidently say this does not always (or even often) depend on the content of the OP or the poster's history even (if they have much). Sometimes it's more like storms that somehow gather, come and go here on SR, and sometimes I think the responders trigger each-other. And in these cases, I feel it can go beyond the scope of the thread, the essential content of the OP's situation, and sometimes starts dissecting and twisting words the OP is clearly not ready to benefit from. There is also the thing that sometimes the same person posts increasingly aggressive comments that can lose the original line of reasoning and purpose. For some people, this kind of approach can be highly effective I think, but not everyone and not at every stage of where they are at. This can trigger the OP to block themselves from everything instead of becoming receptive and considering the messages more deeply, and while even this can be helpful sometimes I believe (eg. someone will retreat and reflect), it's not always the case and not easily predictable.
I know there is no simple, or probably no solution to make all this more even and unbiased though -- pretty much the same kinds of things happen all the time also IRL, in many areas of social life and interaction. Just perhaps something to keep in mind.
Hope you feel better soon, Dee
If I am allowed a little bit of critique though... one thing that sometimes makes me uncomfortable is that sometimes the "push back" (or any form of mass reaction) can get quite unequal in that some posters receive a lot of it (like it happened this past weekend) and others mostly more mellow and accepting comments. I have been around long enough to confidently say this does not always (or even often) depend on the content of the OP or the poster's history even (if they have much). Sometimes it's more like storms that somehow gather, come and go here on SR, and sometimes I think the responders trigger each-other. And in these cases, I feel it can go beyond the scope of the thread, the essential content of the OP's situation, and sometimes starts dissecting and twisting words the OP is clearly not ready to benefit from. There is also the thing that sometimes the same person posts increasingly aggressive comments that can lose the original line of reasoning and purpose. For some people, this kind of approach can be highly effective I think, but not everyone and not at every stage of where they are at. This can trigger the OP to block themselves from everything instead of becoming receptive and considering the messages more deeply, and while even this can be helpful sometimes I believe (eg. someone will retreat and reflect), it's not always the case and not easily predictable.
I know there is no simple, or probably no solution to make all this more even and unbiased though -- pretty much the same kinds of things happen all the time also IRL, in many areas of social life and interaction. Just perhaps something to keep in mind.
Hope you feel better soon, Dee
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,890
The advice people need is not always consistent with the advice they want.
FWIW, Dee74, I think you do a masterful job of knowing when to push and when to pull.
I've never had migraines, but Mrs. Non gets them, and they are the Devil. Be well.
FWIW, Dee74, I think you do a masterful job of knowing when to push and when to pull.
I've never had migraines, but Mrs. Non gets them, and they are the Devil. Be well.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 205,712
I think there's a fine line between straight talking and aggressiveness - it can take some skill.
I'm not even sure aggressiveness is the right word tho?
I think that rigour (if we can call it that) most times actually comes from fear...people being genuinely scared for other people.
I think considering the great mix of personalities situations and experiences here, we get it right an amazing percentage of the time.
Sometimes the message is received, sometimes, not...and , often, the message is received by someone else
D
I'm not even sure aggressiveness is the right word tho?
I think that rigour (if we can call it that) most times actually comes from fear...people being genuinely scared for other people.
I think considering the great mix of personalities situations and experiences here, we get it right an amazing percentage of the time.
Sometimes the message is received, sometimes, not...and , often, the message is received by someone else
D
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