'Push Back' ?

Old 07-20-2015, 04:53 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Thanks Nons and everyone else - the migraine is actually fighting back a little so it's time for me to shut this down and go to bed.

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Old 07-20-2015, 05:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
and , often, the message is received by someone else
This is very true, for example I've certainly acquired some of the best information and lessons about recovery this way, from observation, reading about others' experiences, and then distilling from it what is applicable to me. This could never happen when I work through things one-on-one with someone or even in a small group that is not diverse and dynamic enough.
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Old 07-20-2015, 05:14 AM
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Sleep well, Dee.
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Old 07-20-2015, 05:57 AM
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I agree sooooo much! What do people expect when they post about drinking in a sobriety website. Of course they get pushback and I think that's what they want, even if they complain about it. Deep down we always know what's best, sometimes it's just hard to hear from others.

I love that here people have no qualms to calling it how it is. No beating around the bush. This is priceless!!!

Push me back if I ever need it and thanks in advance.
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Old 07-20-2015, 07:05 AM
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Dee, hoping your migraine disappears with a good nights rest.

Take care.
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Old 07-20-2015, 07:27 AM
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Hope you feel better waking up Dee. I get migraines myself of the same pattern, but they only last a few hours. I wouldn't like a 3 day one.

Home remedy - ginger tea or tablets which won't help the headache but are good for the nausea part.
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Old 07-20-2015, 07:35 AM
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I think for me i have to look at what experience, strength and hope i can share from my own experience .

If someone want's to drink i've found there is no perfect phrase or idea to sway them that sobriety is the right path other than when they want to hear about it .

I am no longer in charge or responsible for the universe , not even another persons actions or reactions .

I hope the migraine clears soon my friend and that we can both be ringing out the freedom bell for those who want to hear it's song soon

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Old 07-20-2015, 09:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Aellyce View Post
I think the critical responses and straight talking, and lots of this, is essential in recovery because we can get so stuck in our fixations it takes some real force to loosen it.

If I am allowed a little bit of critique though... one thing that sometimes makes me uncomfortable is that sometimes the "push back" (or any form of mass reaction) can get quite unequal in that some posters receive a lot of it (like it happened this past weekend) and others mostly more mellow and accepting comments. I have been around long enough to confidently say this does not always (or even often) depend on the content of the OP or the poster's history even (if they have much). Sometimes it's more like storms that somehow gather, come and go here on SR, and sometimes I think the responders trigger each-other. And in these cases, I feel it can go beyond the scope of the thread, the essential content of the OP's situation, and sometimes starts dissecting and twisting words the OP is clearly not ready to benefit from. There is also the thing that sometimes the same person posts increasingly aggressive comments that can lose the original line of reasoning and purpose. For some people, this kind of approach can be highly effective I think, but not everyone and not at every stage of where they are at. This can trigger the OP to block themselves from everything instead of becoming receptive and considering the messages more deeply, and while even this can be helpful sometimes I believe (eg. someone will retreat and reflect), it's not always the case and not easily predictable.

I know there is no simple, or probably no solution to make all this more even and unbiased though -- pretty much the same kinds of things happen all the time also IRL, in many areas of social life and interaction. Just perhaps something to keep in mind.

Hope you feel better soon, Dee
Your level of interpretation is based largely on numbers and the intentions of other people. You posit a group dynamic of mutually-triggering responses that become increasingly aggressive. You dismiss the "content of the OP or the poster's history" as being irrelevant when the mutually-triggering dynamic you describe asserts itself, as though all content were equal, and it's only the tone of the responses that differ. If you've ever visited the Weekenders' Thread or pretty much any other thread here on SR, many if not most of the responses can be accurately described as mutually-triggering. How can conversation or any other form of verbal interaction, whether online or IRL, be otherwise?

You don't need to be around for very long to have learned that OPs that carry obvious denial receive many more responses than others. We've all been there, witnessed it many times in ourselves and others, and react or respond not only to its emergence in a particular thread, but to its often destructive nature. You're aware that we've seen the vary same thing when the OP asks about or comments that he or she is planning on moderating his or her drinking.

When the OP is contemplating, planning, or already involved in dangerous behavior that can or will lead to a more complete kind of destruction, then attention is warranted, not only for the OP, but for those who respond. I'd only be shocked if this were not the case. In large numbers and sometimes with something of an edge. It's not the time to whisper when someone is involved in or planning to get involved in potentially destructive behavior which, again, refers back to the very content of the OP, and often to the OP's history.

As for your perception of responders "twisting" the OP's words...Well, I don't see this as anything near an epidemic; a rarity in fact, with the twister being ignored, dismissed or marginalized when he or she does not acknowledge the twisting on their own. The alleged perpetrators aren't necessarily up to no good. I've nothing else to say about it except that multiple responses to a single comment or body of comments is bound to lead to at least a minimum level of confusion or distortion, but I don't see evil in the event.
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Old 07-20-2015, 09:41 AM
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I hope the clouds are clearing, Dee, and that you know relief soon.

Like you, if I (oh dear God, forbid) find myself close to, or in, relapse, I hope that everyone her comes at me with all they have, carrying and dropping all nine yards, and then some.
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Old 07-20-2015, 09:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I think considering the great mix of personalities situations and experiences here, we get it right an amazing percentage of the time.

Sometimes the message is received, sometimes, not...and , often, the message is received by someone else

Yes. Given the size, the breadth and the content being discussed -- and, as you mentioned, the diverse personalities and experiences -- I think that we do a pretty amazing job of policing ourselves. I'd hate to see that diluted or adjusted because we sometimes react with fear or anger to what other people have to say.

My perspective is that how we act and react here is a reflection of those same behaviors away from SR (and, in many cases, we use SR so that we won't act in destructive ways IRL), and that there is a great deal to learn from others' feedback. The only way to avoid people reacting in anger, in ways that are unhelpful and in ways that are hurtful to what we say and do is to avoid them. On SR, there is a minimum of this kind of behavior when compared to what we face IRL, and that's only one of the things that makes the place work as well as it does.

Had I found and used SR during my relapse, I don't know exactly how I might have responded to positive confrontation, though I imagine I would not have done so with grace in many instances, knowing how far gone I was what at the time, and later having become aware of what SR has to offer.
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Old 07-20-2015, 10:23 AM
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Should this request for a push back if necessary be looked at with concern? It may be a first indication that something is up regarding the addiction.

And don't worry, I will kick your ass if needed.

Good luck with the migraine. I get them too every once in a while and know what it's like.
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Old 07-20-2015, 10:48 AM
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I hope you are feeling better Dee
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Old 07-20-2015, 10:53 AM
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Really hope you feel better soon D
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Old 07-20-2015, 11:12 AM
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Dee I think if you did appear drunk, or were even contemplating the idea it would be the equivalent on SR to finding out Santa isn't real.

I was unsure but realize it's a hypothetical scenario. Phew! Sorry to hear about the migraines, they are probably from listening to us lot.
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Old 07-20-2015, 01:34 PM
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Geez - all this talking about me when I am gone. Not fair is it.
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Old 07-20-2015, 03:27 PM
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Originally Posted by JerryFish View Post
Should this request for a push back if necessary be looked at with concern? It may be a first indication that something is up regarding the addiction.

And don't worry, I will kick your ass if needed.

Good luck with the migraine. I get them too every once in a while and know what it's like.
I spent too much time here yesterday so the migraine is fighting back but no - no cry for help Jerry.
My recovery's solid. Thanks for caring tho - I really appreciate that

Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
Geez - all this talking about me when I am gone. Not fair is it.
I've made it clear upthread this is about a phenomenon not individual posters, AF.
If you feel slighted you can take it up with an Admin.

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Old 07-20-2015, 03:39 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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Sorry the migraines are persistent D
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Old 07-20-2015, 03:45 PM
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Possibly too much screen time Dee, maybe you need to put the feet up for a while!!

Ahem . . . not that we're trying to get rid of you or anything!!

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Old 07-20-2015, 03:48 PM
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I was just thinking the same thing as PK.

No one would begrudge you a day away from the screen, Dee. You give so very much to this place. I hope you feel better very soon.
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Old 07-20-2015, 03:53 PM
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Dee, I'd just like to say that your thoughts and contributions to this website are very much appreciated! Hope you feel better soon.
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