LostLilly

Daisy, I already did mess up and had to go back to day 1 and am back posting!! Absolutely, we are all figuring this thing out so we should post whether things are going well or not since unconditional support is the while point. I am personally having a lonely Sat. Invited lots of places but don't trust myself after last weekend. So I am sitting here watching Bridesmaides while Husband and 2 of my 3 kids are having fun in social situations. Had only about 5 emotional, tearful times so that is good I guess. Friends don't understand and think I am avoiding them. Lonely sums up my day!

LostLilly

Whiteturtle, I could not agree with you more!!!

JamesAdams

I only have one long-ish stint of 6 months of sobriety, plenty of attempts. Last time I went through the usual early withdrawal symptoms, then a period of what seemed like at the time to be euphoria, then PAWS kicked in, then it passed and I thought I was 'normal', so I convinced myself that I could drink like a normal person and I had 2 or 3 glasses of wine with somebody from work one night. Something like a year later I am now back here working my way through the early withdrawal symptoms.

So for me last time it was the mindset of I just need a break and then I will be normal. Haha, yeah right. If we are posting here we know we are not normal drinkers, and we have to keep that in mind forever.

time4changeinWI

WhiteTurtle, thanks for this. I'm probably going through the anger/bargaining/depression phases by the hour. I suppose once I get to acceptance, I'll feel a lot better. But you are right. Alcohol has been central to so many things in my life. Going camping, hanging out. It's trying to figure out how to live life without it that's hard. I'm sure it will come. But, I'm just in that weird place right now.

Dee I'm curious, how long before you didn't miss it?

JamesAdams

Something I learned during my 6 month stint I wrote about is that good friends don't care if you are drinking or not. They just want to spend time with you. I was a very boozy kind of guy, so I got all kinds of surprised looks and puzzled faces when I simply said "no thanks, I am not drinking today".

When I felt I needed to make an excuse, and sometimes I did, I would pull out one of the following:

- I am designated driver
- I am on a diet
- I am in training for X sporting event
- I am not drinking today
- I don't drink anymore

I found that the people who get funny about it are the ones who probably know inside of them they have a problem too, but they are not ready to admit it.

When I started saying I don't drink anymore the 'drinking buddies' fell away and the real friends were still there.

Dee74

It's difficult to say for me because, for one, I nearly died, so that kept me focused for a good long while...

and two, I didn't consciously put myself around alcohol again until I knew I was strong enough to resist any silly ideas.

I would estimate about 6 months for me maybe ...but that wasn't 6 months of misery..it got progressively better

these days I don't even have the crazy thoughts - drinkers really only register now if they're really drunk and obnoxious....

D

JamesAdams

This made me laugh, at myself. A few years ago I was seeing a drug and alcohol councilor and she convinced me to go a week without a drink.

This was before I had admitted to myself that I had a problem, and I was counting my daily wine consumption in litres rather than in bottles.

Anyway, long story short, I said to my wife if I can make it through the week then I wanted to go buy whatever the latest gadget was at the time, cost around $500. The look on my wife's face when she realised I thought that making it through a single week was worth spending $500 was priceless. I expected the ticker tape parade for doing what other people can do any time they feel like it, which I think is why it is so hard for them to understand what we are going through.

Plath

Exactly. My husband, as well as my aunt and her husband, have friends and other family members who are going through addiction/alcoholism, and I really do think that the family members can handle things rather poorly if they can't understand what other people are going through.

I was completely sober when I met my husband, and had no issues going out with friends to (coincidentally, considering Whiteturtle's posts) play trivia at the bar. But then, I had about four years under my belt at that time, so I suppose he understands a bit (he's also had his issues with substances, years ago, but didn't need much support to stop what he was doing).

Eh...people are the way they are, I guess. Meh.

Ladybug2

Hi all, tonight was a close one. I had an unexpected trigger and my AV really started, but I rode it out and I am finally through it. I wanted to post here, but didn't have the chance. So glad I kept that beast locked up. It really is unsettling how quickly you can go from feeling good and strong to almost taking a drink. Guess that's why it's so important to have tools in place vs just white knuckling it. Anyway, woke up this morning feeling great and enjoyed taking my daughter to her birthday party, however the rest of the day I just felt irritable and short tempered. My husband kept asking me if I was ok. How do you explain to the person you love (who can take or leave alchohol) what you are going through? So hard sometimes when your loved ones don't understand. Enough complaining.....getting ready for bed and I am sober. Caught fireflys and did sparklers with my daughter tonight, sober. This is the way every night should be.

Hope everyone else is doing well. Thinking of you all and sending you hugs and strength xxx

Dee74

why not make a plan ladybug - be prepared?

there's no obligations in opening this link, I promise
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
D

BobBFree33

Just jump back on the horse. You can do it. It's like a new skill we need to learn....being the non-drinking person and being A-OK with it with our friends. I think I'm 1 for 3 this year so far on that...meaning drank once didn't twice. I'm wanting to host a party but I'm afraid to right now. At least for now I'm keeping a lower profile to reduce my exposure. Friends have a powerful influence. I'm also keeping away from romantic relationships until I have my crap together too. I divorced in 2009, and since then have had one 3 year relationship with a woman that, while complaining about her X being an alcoholic, refused to give it up herself. She preferred me not sober since she was usually buzzed every night. We didn't sync very well with me sober. I was too clear.

Anyway, finishing up day 8 and I felt pretty good today. I had been stuck on day's 6's last month so this is good!

Lets keep it up!

whiteturtle

Hahaha, this was great.

I told my boyfriend that if I made it a week, I would love to get a kitten. He just laughed at me, and said, "Maybe, after a month!"

I appreciate reading this, Ladybug. I am feeling the same right now, and needed this boost of shared understanding.

Right now is a milestone, I think. In a bad way. Instead of just craving wine, as I have been when it strikes, tonight I am actually missing it. Like we were posting earlier, it's like a grieving feeling if I start to miss it and then tell myself I can never have it again. I have been sitting here wishing I had my bottle of wine for the night ahead. I should probably just go to sleep, but even though I'm tired from the long day, I don't want to sleep... I want to just drink and write or play my videogame. It's just so strange, though, because it's different from the other cravings the past eleven days. This is an actual feeling of missing it.

I am one hour and fifteen minutes away from having twelve days under my belt. I know that's so easy, so close; I should just go to sleep and wake up tomorrow. And yet, even knowing all this, I need to come on here and post to try to prevent myself from leaving the apartment and getting wine.

Part of me feels like I'm "wasting" my Saturday night by not drinking, and "wasting" my Sunday with no plans (because that's the perfect time to have a hangover and not deal with work, says the alcoholic :p). I am so close to just saying screw it and resigning to a new Day 1. I know that's not good, and I will just end up back here again if I do that, and have to make this decision again, and over and over until I finally stick to sobriety.

Why is it so difficult to just say I'm done with alcohol for good? Like James said, other people go without alcohol for months without even noticing they've done so!! That will never be me. I will always be counting the days, the rest of my life. It's so bleak and daunting-seeming.

Sorry for the depressing post. I hope you guys are doing better than me at the moment!

JamesAdams

Make some plans girl! Get out there and do something that you have never done before because you were too drunk/hungover!

Get up early and go do something you have always wanted to as a reward for your 12 days. 12 days is awesome.

I just forced myself to get in a taxi and go some place I had never been before to have breakfast. I feel a bit strange doing all this stuff by myself, but I'll be damned if I am going to sit alone in my hotel room today and think about booze.

Once I got to around 40 or 50 days last time, I actually lost track of the day count. I knew the date I stopped, and had to keep pulling out the calendar and counting. Which is a good thing, I think.

It gets better, just keep fighting the fight in the beginning.

JamesAdams

Alright folks, I am off to the airport to meet my wife and kids and then we are going on a 2 week holiday. I have no idea what the internet access will be like while I am gone, so if I disappear hopefully I will pop up again in two weeks and add 14 days to my total! If I can check in while I am gone I will, otherwise see you all in 2 weeks.

whiteturtle

Have a wonderful time, James and family!! We will miss you here if you can't check in, but I hope it's an amazing vacation! I daresay you've earned a happy, sober, family getaway. See you in 14 days if we don't hear from you there!

Plath

Thank you!

whiteturtle

Alright, it's after 1am. Stores near here closed an hour ago. I made it another day. When I wake up, it will be Day 13.

I honestly don't know how I keep getting past these days. The way I have craved wine at times, I just really am not sure. I just hope I keep it up.

I hope you are all having a great night/day!

Owllie11

Hi everyone! I am on day 5 and look forward to getting to know fellow July 2015 classmates!

CaseyW

Congrats on day 13, whiteturtle. One day at a time, you've got this. Just keep doing tomorrow what you did today and things will get easier, I promise. And just because you're missing wine doesn't mean that wine is really missing you. It just wants to use you for its own evil nefarious purposes. There's a better way of life waiting for you and it's not in the bottom of a wine bottle. Wishing you the best as you start this new day!

So proud of this class! It's really awesome to see you guys coming together into such a strong unit. You're almost as cool as my own Class of May 2015. *insert winkee face here*

Starting day 66 here. Wishing each and every one of you a safe and sober Sunday. Remember you don't have to take that first drink today no matter what.

iam2antsy

wtf do you do when you wake up in the middle of the night or way too early in the morning & you think about your life - have a panic attack - break out in cold or hot sweat & have diarrhea - & that is not all about alcohol - you just want the **** out of the life you are in & you don't have a friend in the world