Blogs


Notices

How to start?

Old 06-03-2015, 12:48 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Exeter
Posts: 60
I hate how ill I feel all the time. I wake up feeling nauseous and tired. I binge eat a lot during the day to try and take away this problem. I am thankful that I haven't got to the stage of drinking during the day, although it does cross my mind I can usually ignore that. I have high blood pressure which I am convinced is linked to my drinking and also experience heart palpitations a lot now. I ended up in A&E a few weeks back because of horrendous stomach pains. They never got to the bottom of it but I was convinced it was drink related. I am too ashamed of how much I drink to be honest when they ask. I feel like I am slowly killing myself but feel powerless to stop!
Aislin is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Aislin For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (06-03-2015), FarToGo (06-04-2015)
Old 06-03-2015, 01:07 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
One Day At A Time
 
Dharma33's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Hi, Aislin-

Your situations sounds very familiar to me, right down to the rows with the husband! I am only about 2 1/2 weeks in to sobriety, and I can tell you that life is getting amazingly better without drinking. Everything difficult in my marriage has resolved itself because the problems were caused by one thing: my drinking.

Glad you are here- there is a lot of amazing support!!!
Dharma33 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Dharma33 For This Useful Post:
Aislin (06-03-2015), Dee74 (06-03-2015), FarToGo (06-04-2015)
Old 06-03-2015, 01:09 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
One Day At A Time
 
Dharma33's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
You absolutely can stop....today can be that day.
Dharma33 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Dharma33 For This Useful Post:
Aislin (06-03-2015), Dee74 (06-03-2015)
Old 06-03-2015, 05:01 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 188,485
Blog Entries: 1
Double post.
Dee74 is offline  
Old 06-03-2015, 05:02 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 188,485
Blog Entries: 1
Lots of great advice here Aislin - welcome back.

I think a recovery plan is a good first step. There's lots of ideas here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 06-04-2015, 06:51 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Exeter
Posts: 60
Thanks Dee :-)
Aislin is offline  
Old 06-04-2015, 06:54 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 115,384
How are you today, Aislin?
SoberLeigh is online now  
Old 06-04-2015, 07:00 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 20,340
Aislin, keep writing. You will find there is nothing to hold on to.
biminiblue is offline  
Old 06-04-2015, 08:15 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Exeter
Posts: 60
Hi, thanks for all your support. I did not drink last night - day 1 :-) Loved waking up this morning feeling sober and not hung over, going down to a clean kitchen rather than one with wine bottles and what ever I decided to eat scattered around.

But here I am again and its 4pm. I am arguing with myself and going over and over reasons why I should have a drink. For example why don't I just blow it over the weekend (even though it isn't even the weekend but very close!) and start sober on Monday - Monday is a good day for new beginnings! Also I have some decisions to make regarding my daughter's school and this is usually done by sitting down with my husband and discussing it over a drink. So therefore I NEED to have a drink. What if I just have a couple (yeah right - never happens)

I am going to try and distract myself by doing some cooking and cleaning. I felt so pleased with myself this morning, it would be great to do it again!
Aislin is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Aislin For This Useful Post:
biminiblue (06-04-2015), Calitano (06-04-2015), Dee74 (06-04-2015), FarToGo (06-04-2015), MisterChill (06-04-2015), Soberpotamus (06-04-2015), TroyW (06-04-2015)
Old 06-04-2015, 08:31 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 20,340
Those thoughts are going to come, but they are just thoughts.

I have a lot of thoughts every day that I don't act on. I know you can do this. Give it a couple months and see if you don't feel like an amazingly different and better person.

You've made the decision. Now just ride out those thoughts and anxieties and in no time there will be a new amazing life for you.

I kept repeating to myself, "I don't drink, no matter what."
biminiblue is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to biminiblue For This Useful Post:
Aislin (06-04-2015), Dee74 (06-04-2015), MisterChill (06-04-2015)
Old 06-04-2015, 09:00 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,647
Blog Entries: 20
Originally Posted by Aislin View Post
But here I am again and its 4pm. I am arguing with myself and going over and over reasons why I should have a drink. For example why don't I just blow it over the weekend (even though it isn't even the weekend but very close!) and start sober on Monday - Monday is a good day for new beginnings! Also I have some decisions to make regarding my daughter's school and this is usually done by sitting down with my husband and discussing it over a drink. So therefore I NEED to have a drink. What if I just have a couple (yeah right - never happens)
I have had those same arguments in my head. One voice can always come up with an excuse to drink, the other knows I should not.

The voice who thinks I should drink again is the voice of my addiction. In 25 years that voice has not told me one true thing. It is a liar and a thief.

I stopped taking advice from a known liar. That voice told me I'd never feel OK if I didn't drink again. Just another lie. In fact, my life got much better.

You can do this!
Nonsensical is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Nonsensical For This Useful Post:
Aislin (06-04-2015), Dee74 (06-04-2015), FarToGo (06-04-2015), MisterChill (06-04-2015)
Old 06-04-2015, 11:30 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 115,384
Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
Those thoughts are going to come, but they are just thoughts.

I have a lot of thoughts every day that I don't act on. I know you can do this. Give it a couple months and see if you don't feel like an amazingly different and better person.

You've made the decision. Now just ride out those thoughts and anxieties and in no time there will be a new amazing life for you.

I kept repeating to myself, "I don't drink, no matter what."
What bim said.
SoberLeigh is online now  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SoberLeigh For This Useful Post:
Aislin (06-04-2015), Dee74 (06-04-2015)
Old 06-04-2015, 11:31 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 115,384
Originally Posted by Nonsensical View Post
I have had those same arguments in my head. One voice can always come up with an excuse to drink, the other knows I should not.

The voice who thinks I should drink again is the voice of my addiction. In 25 years that voice has not told me one true thing. It is a liar and a thief.

I stopped taking advice from a known liar. That voice told me I'd never feel OK if I didn't drink again. Just another lie. In fact, my life got much better.

You can do this!
And what Non said.

It's lies, all lies, from our AVs.
SoberLeigh is online now  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to SoberLeigh For This Useful Post:
Aislin (06-04-2015), Dee74 (06-04-2015), FarToGo (06-04-2015), MisterChill (06-04-2015)
Old 06-04-2015, 12:23 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
Aislin, I watched my blood pressure steadily climb from high normal - pre-hypertension - stage 1 - and then stage 2 over 5 years. I was daily heavy (6+ beers and half of fifth of bourbon minimum) for the previous 10-12 years and a solid binger the 10 years before that. Thankfully I had yet to progress to drinking in the morning or early in the day. Kept it from 6pm or later the vast majority of the time.

On top of now being on blood pressure meds, I had a liver ultrasound yesterday and confirmed fatty liver and mild inflamation. The blood work from my last physical was scary enough for me to FINALLY draw the line.

There is probably no chance at getting control of your blood pressure until you knock off drinking. I tried every supplement in the book prior to getting put on meds. I'm 46 now and have definitely paid a physical price for the addiction.

I'm only 18 days in but man, it sure does feel like i have a monkey off my back right now. The first week was tough with strong cravings and all kinds of mental games. There is a price to pay for all the years of drinking to excess and there is no easy way out. Once you get past the strong mental and physical stuff everything changes for the better. How you think and feel makes you feel like a brand new person. At least it has for me. I haven't felt this way in over 20 years. The road ahead will not be simple or easy while trying to maintain sobriety but so worth the fight.

Good luck!
MisterChill is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MisterChill For This Useful Post:
Aislin (06-05-2015), Dee74 (06-04-2015), FarToGo (06-04-2015)
Old 06-04-2015, 01:02 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,041
Hi Aislin,

the stuff you are saying is soooo familiar. A couple of things have helped me (to get almost 10 weeks sober), but take them or leave them-
1, I realised the continued debate every day, drink v don't drink and the inevitable drink and then hating myself meant that I had lost control over alcohol, I was no longer able to simply choose, I was in a battle I was losing.
2, that drinking was bad for every aspect of my life, relationships, parenting, work, my health, my self esteem................

When I really realised these things, I knew I had to give it all I've got.

Again just my experience, but the first week was awful (really awful) after that being sober got rewarding and these rewards start to offset the continued work / efforts.
I also log onto SR every day and it helps a lot, even just to read what others are saying.
Good luck x
FarToGo is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to FarToGo For This Useful Post:
Aislin (06-05-2015), Dee74 (06-04-2015), MisterChill (06-04-2015)
Old 06-04-2015, 02:55 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 188,485
Blog Entries: 1
some great advice here aislin

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 06-11-2015, 04:45 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Exeter
Posts: 60
Epic fail - as my son would say. I have been bingeing again for the last few days. I don't know why I just always have a reason. I keep telling myself that I can stop I just don't want to at the moment but the thing is I DO want to.

I don't remember going to bed last night. My husband told me I was fine one minute and then suddenly crashed and was sick. I don't remember being sick.

Today I feel awful, I am jittery, keep getting waves of nausea and quite frankly want to go to bed but I can't I have things to do, so I am going about the day in a haze and counting down the hours until I can go to bed. I feel like this lot and it frightens me at how ill I feel and what I must be doing to my body but it almost a normal way to feel. I desperately want to get healthy again.

I don't think I will drink today because I feel so ill but what about tomorrow. It's friday, how can I NOT drink on a friday. My husband would not understand and would think I was being boring. I HATE how alcohol has taken over my life but I feel completely helpless to change it. Feeling depressed today
Aislin is offline  
Old 06-11-2015, 05:04 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,647
Blog Entries: 20
Originally Posted by Aislin View Post
Feeling depressed today
You drank a depressant. That's what it does.

Originally Posted by Aislin View Post
I feel completely helpless to change it.
My addiction told me the same thing. You can't change this. I even bought extra life and liability insurance to protect my family from the inevitable disaster it was my destiny to bring them.

It was a lie. I changed it.

You can do this. There may be obstacles, but you can do this.
Nonsensical is offline  
Old 06-11-2015, 05:10 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Exeter
Posts: 60
Thanks for your reply Nonsensical, I never really thought of it as being a depressant. I suffer alot with anxiety and depression, I never considered that stopping drinking would help with these.

The fact that you bought extra insurance really rang a bell with me. I am so frightened that I am going to have a stroke or heart attack because of the abuse I am doing to my body. I already have high blood pressure which I am convinced is down to my drinking. I am also overweight because I tend to binge eat during the day then binge drink in the evening. I am terrified of leaving my children without a mum. Yet as I write this I think if I am so frightened why do I carry on doing it!!!
Aislin is offline  
Old 06-11-2015, 05:20 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,647
Blog Entries: 20
Originally Posted by Aislin View Post
I suffer alot with anxiety and depression, I never considered that stopping drinking would help with these
Alcohol made my anxiety better for hours and then worse for weeks. I was never able to put that together until I was sober for about 3 months and I realized the anxiety had mysteriously vanished. I always thought the effects of the booze were out of my system after a day or 2. Turns out persistent use creates changes in the brain that last for weeks or months. Those changes cause increased anxiety and depression.

Alcohol - the problem that masquerades as the solution.
Nonsensical is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:59 PM.