Hi Aislin,
the stuff you are saying is soooo familiar. A couple of things have helped me (to get almost 10 weeks sober), but take them or leave them-
1, I realised the continued debate every day, drink v don't drink and the inevitable drink and then hating myself meant that I had lost control over alcohol, I was no longer able to simply choose, I was in a battle I was losing.
2, that drinking was bad for every aspect of my life, relationships, parenting, work, my health, my self esteem................
When I really realised these things, I knew I had to give it all I've got.
Again just my experience, but the first week was awful (really awful) after that being sober got rewarding and these rewards start to offset the continued work / efforts.
I also log onto SR every day and it helps a lot, even just to read what others are saying.
Good luck x