This new sober life
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
Happy 4th of July. 
I'm 67 days sober. Having a bit of strong cravings for alcohol but I'm not going there. It's just not going to happen. My ex husband said some pretty crappy stuff to me a couple days ago and I'm letting it get to me. Was feeling really sad and lonely too. All I have to say to that voice is I will be devastated tomorrow (if not earlier) after I drink. I got invited to a BBQ today but there will be a lot of drinking there and I can't be around that for sure. I did go to the local 7/11 but it was to get one of the 44 oz drinks that I mixed up with a little bit of cherry coke, green tea and raspberry tea. It's good stuff. Not the healthiest thing but it's a lot better than beer. Boy, I can't imagine how horrible I would feel later after drinking. Besides the emotional stuff, have not missed the shakes, the sweats and feeling like I was going to pass out especially at work. Also, I'm sleeping so much better since I stopped drinking, Anyway, that's where my mind is now. Telling my AV that it's not going to happen and it won't. I'm a lot stronger than it. It will be a Netflix night and I'll get to the housecleaning stuff tomorrow. Might even see some fireworks from my bedroom window. Thank you everyone.
I'm 67 days sober. Having a bit of strong cravings for alcohol but I'm not going there. It's just not going to happen. My ex husband said some pretty crappy stuff to me a couple days ago and I'm letting it get to me. Was feeling really sad and lonely too. All I have to say to that voice is I will be devastated tomorrow (if not earlier) after I drink. I got invited to a BBQ today but there will be a lot of drinking there and I can't be around that for sure. I did go to the local 7/11 but it was to get one of the 44 oz drinks that I mixed up with a little bit of cherry coke, green tea and raspberry tea. It's good stuff. Not the healthiest thing but it's a lot better than beer. Boy, I can't imagine how horrible I would feel later after drinking. Besides the emotional stuff, have not missed the shakes, the sweats and feeling like I was going to pass out especially at work. Also, I'm sleeping so much better since I stopped drinking, Anyway, that's where my mind is now. Telling my AV that it's not going to happen and it won't. I'm a lot stronger than it. It will be a Netflix night and I'll get to the housecleaning stuff tomorrow. Might even see some fireworks from my bedroom window. Thank you everyone. 
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
Thank you, Zaboozer, Zen and amp. . Tonight turned into a wonderful night. My son and I were able to watch beautiful fireworks from all around from our house. We hung out with the neighbors, my son wanted a chair so I got one for him and we watched for a while. I felt guilty though and kept coming back to make sure super kitty, Elvis was doing ok. The fireworks were not that loud from where we were so he barely knew anything about it. Our crazy close neighbor who has been setting them all week was gone!! If he had been upset, we would not have gone outside. So my son had a great time and we got to be around the nice neighbors and I did it sober. I do believe the landlords husband was drinking but I was ok and just focused on enjoying the evening. We came back to a sleeping Elvis and my son went to sleep shortly after.
. Tonight turned into a wonderful night. My son and I were able to watch beautiful fireworks from all around from our house. We hung out with the neighbors, my son wanted a chair so I got one for him and we watched for a while. I felt guilty though and kept coming back to make sure super kitty, Elvis was doing ok. The fireworks were not that loud from where we were so he barely knew anything about it. Our crazy close neighbor who has been setting them all week was gone!! If he had been upset, we would not have gone outside. So my son had a great time and we got to be around the nice neighbors and I did it sober. I do believe the landlords husband was drinking but I was ok and just focused on enjoying the evening. We came back to a sleeping Elvis and my son went to sleep shortly after.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
I've tried SO many times to make a separate thread but it's not working.
Right now, I'm wanting a drink very badly on my 71st day. My son is with his dad, and I told him he could stay a couple extra days because his grandma is visiting. The rest of my family is thousands of miles away. My friends are coworkers and I am not close to any of them anymore. The loneliness is getting to me. I have always thought of how I would feel after that first drink and I've always thought I would feel horrible. Now, I don't care how I would feel. I just want to feel numb. This moment will pass, right? I've been crying for 30 minutes because I feel pathetic, worthless, lonely and I wish there was someone I could go to for a friendly hug. Sorry to vent but I needed to get this out.
Right now, I'm wanting a drink very badly on my 71st day. My son is with his dad, and I told him he could stay a couple extra days because his grandma is visiting. The rest of my family is thousands of miles away. My friends are coworkers and I am not close to any of them anymore. The loneliness is getting to me. I have always thought of how I would feel after that first drink and I've always thought I would feel horrible. Now, I don't care how I would feel. I just want to feel numb. This moment will pass, right? I've been crying for 30 minutes because I feel pathetic, worthless, lonely and I wish there was someone I could go to for a friendly hug. Sorry to vent but I needed to get this out.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 196
Catching this late Angie, but the loneliness will not subside with a drink believe you me....YOU WILL FIND NO FRIEND IN THE BOTTLE!!! You need to write it out, talk it out here, go to the 24 hour session and chat about it. Go to aaonline and speak about it, chat rooms are open all night there. I'm sure many here have been where you've been feeling alone but the moment will pass. You just need some friendly support right now, that's what I'm hearing in your last post. We are here for you check the other posts, write out your feelings but do not take the first drink that will bring you no comfort believe me. We are here for you.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 164
Don't do it Angie, a drink will only help temporarily and in the end will only make you feel worse, think about how fantastic you will feel getting through this bad moment without drinking, and on top of that you will be that much stronger the next time you have sad feelings because you will remember getting through this one. There will always be these "moments" in life, that is life, you are slowly learning how to get through them without alcohol. You can do this.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,580
sending hugs ((((Angie247))))
I've been there too -- the loneliness hurts, but a drink won't make it any better. You're not alone in this -- we're pulling for you. You can do this.
Maybe a voice would help? AA has 24 hr hotline.
I've been there too -- the loneliness hurts, but a drink won't make it any better. You're not alone in this -- we're pulling for you. You can do this.
Maybe a voice would help? AA has 24 hr hotline.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
Thank you everyone so much. I didn't realize all that about AA. I should have known about all the chat and the 24 hour hotline but I'm glad to know it now. Thank you. I'm doing ok. Didn't drink alcohol. I made myself an iced coffee. Caffeine doesn't keep me up and I love a good but not too strong iced coffee. I'm going to keep fighting this. Tomorrow after work, I'm going to stay in the library until they close and take more walks during work. I love the library although I'll feel a bit guilty for going without my son. They have computers for kids and he loves to play the educational games on there. I will find myself a book, and sit next to him while he plays his games. He's having fun and I'll see him in a couple days. I have to stay strong for him and also me. He's not going to have a mom who still drinks. He deserves the best. I'm feeling ashamed of myself for those urges to drink. I'm going to keep myself occupied as much as possible and I'm going to try praying again. Thank you all so much. SR is my sole support and I really appreciate everyone's kindness. 
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,580
Hi Angie -- no need to be ashamed of urges as they're just a feature of addiction. In my experience, they happened much less as my sober time increased. I've heard it said that "we're not responsible for having that initial thought or urge, we're just responsible for what we do about it". It sounds like you're developing a toolkit of things you can do when an urge arises --that's key. Good job!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Angie, you should feel proud about how you handled the situation! It is no small thing to ride out a storm like you have done. Hats off to you. I'm betting this gets easier as long as you don't give in. Take care!
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
I'm frankly tired of the mood swings. Was feeling strong today. Now, I want a drink badly. It came on all of a sudden. Maybe through thinking too much. 74 days. If I take that first sip, it's going to take me back to that sad life. However, I'm sad a lot of the time sober. I'm so freaking lonely that it hurts. My son is with his dad and grandma tonight. I took him to the park and then we had dinner then brought him to spend some time with his grandma who is visiting from Canada. I should have said no to their request and just brought him over tomorrow for a while. How I used to feel when I was down to my last bottle keeps repeating in my mind and also my eye on the clock on Sunday to see when I had to stop drinking so I would be OK(ish) for work on Monday. My head after I would wake up from drinking and then not able to sleep for the rest of the night. Tossing and turning and praying that I could sleep a little more so I would be ok on Monday. How Monday would drag on while being painfully hungover. I do not want to feel like that.
Then my mind keeps telling me that it won't take that long to get drunk since I haven't drank in 74 days. It tells me to make sure I drink enough water on Sunday and I'll be okay on Monday. Yeah, never was ok on Monday. I remember once drinking pedialyte because I read it was the hangover cure. No, it wasn't. I've got to fight this thing. Taking it minute by minute.
Then my mind keeps telling me that it won't take that long to get drunk since I haven't drank in 74 days. It tells me to make sure I drink enough water on Sunday and I'll be okay on Monday. Yeah, never was ok on Monday. I remember once drinking pedialyte because I read it was the hangover cure. No, it wasn't. I've got to fight this thing. Taking it minute by minute.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Don't do it, Angie.
This is the time when it's critical to distract yourself and focus on some things you enjoy
I hear you about those mood swings. Mine were pretty devastating at times. It is hard to go through it but you will be so glad you did, and that you did it sober. By going through these mood swings now, sober, you are learning that you can get through anything, and that you don't need the alcohol.
Have you thought about journaling some of your thoughts? It can help to unravel the mess in your head.
Pulling for you ...
This is the time when it's critical to distract yourself and focus on some things you enjoy
I hear you about those mood swings. Mine were pretty devastating at times. It is hard to go through it but you will be so glad you did, and that you did it sober. By going through these mood swings now, sober, you are learning that you can get through anything, and that you don't need the alcohol.
Have you thought about journaling some of your thoughts? It can help to unravel the mess in your head.
Pulling for you ...
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Stay close to SR, Angie. You've been doing a great job.
That dreadful AV is only one voice within you. Listen to the real voice -- the Angie that wants a life lived free of the chains of alcohol.
You can do this, Angie.
That dreadful AV is only one voice within you. Listen to the real voice -- the Angie that wants a life lived free of the chains of alcohol.
You can do this, Angie.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
Thank you all so much. I really appreciate your support and kindness. I got about 10 hours of sleep last night. Had been averaging 6 hours for about a week, that's enough to get by but I think I needed more. I woke up feeling so much better and no real desire to drink but I know it will return. I picked up my son and we had a nice pancake breakfast. Thank you Soberwolf for the links. I have read them and both are extremely helpful. The urge surfing is something that I'm going to start and the craving tips are really good. Changing my routine is something that I'm going to do, it's something that I've given passing thoughts to but it needs to be done.
Also, my 90 days will be on July 26th. I'm planning on taking myself for a manicure that day. I haven't had one in ten years. My sobriety is the biggest gift that I can give myself but a little treat in addition to it will be nice.
I really appreciate your support and kindness. I got about 10 hours of sleep last night. Had been averaging 6 hours for about a week, that's enough to get by but I think I needed more. I woke up feeling so much better and no real desire to drink but I know it will return. I picked up my son and we had a nice pancake breakfast. Thank you Soberwolf for the links. I have read them and both are extremely helpful. The urge surfing is something that I'm going to start and the craving tips are really good. Changing my routine is something that I'm going to do, it's something that I've given passing thoughts to but it needs to be done. Also, my 90 days will be on July 26th. I'm planning on taking myself for a manicure that day. I haven't had one in ten years. My sobriety is the biggest gift that I can give myself but a little treat in addition to it will be nice.
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