Scared1234

Hey everyone...Ive been working on having more sober days than drinking days and have got myself down to only getting drunk 2 days a week. It used to up to 5-6 times a week so I'm a little proud of that. However, its still reeking havoc to my body and mind. This nonsense where I think its ok to just go buckwild with bottles of vodka on the weekends and abstaining on the weekdays just isn't good enough. Who am I kidding. What normal person sits down and downs up to 20 shots of vodka and thinks they don't have a problem? The past 2 days I've done just that and I'm a mess today. My chest is tight. My anxiety is 10/10. I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. I'm incredibly worried that my body is failing and I just don't know it yet.

Why aren't the hangovers enough of a deterrent to never drink again? Why do I look forward to the weekend so much? They suck because I'm always hungover and feeling awful.

I wish I could just never think about drinking ever again

Imabuleva

//Why aren't the hangovers enough of a deterrent to never drink again?//

Because hangovers are easily forgotten.

Soberwolf

Glad your bk Scared

Pondlady

It's hard to believe, but the longer you are sober, the less you think about drinking. We play these little games with ourselves..."I didn't finish the whole bottle of wine" ," I only drank 5 times this week, not every day." We have to be ready to stop. Completely .

Dee74

Welcome back Scared

If we want change we need to make change - it really is that fundamentally simple.

What have you been doing for your recovery?

D

Incontrol15

Scared...I'm with you 100%.
I've cut down too. Not to the extent that you have, but by a lot.

The anxiety and sense of doom has to be the worst. I found myself at a point where anxiety was setting in within an hour after drinking! Next morning was baaad. The only thing that made me better was a drink. Little vodka in the coffee. Yup. No doubt I have a problem.

I cut down to about half a pint a day with a day or two off here and there. Today I made a 24hr promise. The first of many.

Let's quit the ugly cycle for good.
You KNOW life is better being sober.
Quitting will blow, but the horrible cycle of anxiety and depression blows more.

MIRecovery

When I honestly believed I could never drink like other people a dim light came on. Maybe I would have to quit drinking if I did not want to repeat the endless cycle.

I decided to quit drinking and get some professional help. The professional help guided me to AA and I have be sober since.

It can be done!

doggonecarl

As long as you're drinking, you'll be thinking about it.

The key to never thinking about drinking is quitting and working a strong program of recovery.

FreeOwl

You don't have a problem.

You have an opportunity.

I honestly feel fortunate about my misfortunes with addiction - for through them I've discovered something deeper and better that maybe I wouldn't have ever made room for if I could just 'drink like a normal person'

Because many 'normal people' happily but moderately anesthetize their soul's call right to the grave.

With alcohol and drugs out of my life, I am free to live as deeply as possible and to know self, spirit and life as completely as I can.

You can too... And it's way better than vodka

Anna

It's only when you stop drinking and live in recovery that you are able to forget about drinking.

I hope you decide to stop for good.

Scared1234

I do this EXACT thing. I will find any way to justify it. The other day I watched intervention and convinced myself that I wasn't an alcoholic because the person on TV could drink more than me. Wtf?

I have a REALLY bad time with the following inner thought "WELL I HAVEN'T DRANK IN 5 DAYS, MY LIVER AND KIDNEYS HAVE PROBABLY RECOVERED REALLY WELL. I EARNED A BOTTLE OF VODKA" It works on me everytime. I convince myself I'm strong and healthy enough to get drunk

Scared1234

I see a psychologist once a week. I work out atleast 4 times a week. I eat better and healthier. However, come friday and saturday, I eat/drink whatever however I want. And consume upwards of 40 shots over the weekend.

48heath

Sorry you are struggling.You have to want to stay sober more than you want to drink,then keep away from the first drink,whatever happens.

Knowing how bad my hangovers were never stopped me drinking.

If you continue like this things will get worse,if you commit to not drinking things will get better.

Wishing you well.

thomas11

Hi scared, I think its great you recognize its not normal and it should be addressed. As others will surely tell you the fear, anxiety and panic only gets worse. If you are 10/10 now, you will be 15/10 in another year or so. It scared me so badly I have never gotten to that point again. And never want to. I'm guessing after working out a few times during the week, eating well and sleeping well, when Friday rolls around the memories from the previous weekend have faded and you're ready to give her hell again?

Speaking for myself only, when I got to the point where the anxiety and panic set in as opposed to a hangover, it was game-over. My body would completely skip the hangover stage and go right into the elevated heart rate and anxiety. It was terrible.

I would take the advice others have offered as they know what they are talking about. You can do it.

GirlGoneBad

I am there with you, as well. During the week I am a good girl. On Friday I hit the bottle as hard as I can. I drink enough to sabotage an entire week of sobriety and hard work. I have to sleep all day Saturday and Sunday to stave off the dizziness and illness of the hang over. All I have had are the nights and I don't remember them!! It's no way to live. And I struggle with that as well.

Alcohol addiction takes on many forms, and as others here have said, weekend binging can be as destructive as drinking every night. My plan for the weekend is to fill my time with non drinking (fun) activities and to remind myself of all of the disastrous things that have happened by saying, "I can have just one..."

"The path of least resistance is non-resistance." I Ching. We have the power to talk ourselves into and out of anything. Let's not resist sobriety.

GnikNus

Panic attacks from drinking were what pushed me in the direction of Sober Recovery, and finding Sober Recovery lead to sobriety. I had such bad attacks at the end of my drinking I would feel a sense of doom and death that is hard to describe.
The first time it happened I mistook it for an imminent heart attack. I wouldn't wish a panic/anxiety attack on anyone, and it was a big part of why I quit for good.
I'm nearly 5 months sober. I never think of drinking anymore. I don't have time to speak of all the benefits I've gained from sobriety. It's worth quitting. The early days will be hard, but it gets better all the time. Stop putting yourself through all this.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Scared!!

Buggirl

You can do this! Everyone has already given the advice I would've but you do this for you and You only!

TennantSmith

I did that kind of thinking with myself too.

My god, I only drink 1xs a week. Yes, I drink so many pints I lose count but averaged out over the week, I'm not even considered a moderate drinker. Pssshhhawww, I don't need to quit.

Except the pain was growing. The anxiety, the grief, the end result. There was no difference than if I was drinking 3-5 times a week or 1. I was engaging in a habit that was not good for me.

Justification kept me drinking. An honest look at WHY I drank and HOW I drank and what it was doing to me, well, that's what opened my eyes.

You can't wing this or justify it. Those symptoms you experience are your body screaming at you for relief. Give it some.

HUGS!

Dee74

you need a plan for the weekends Scared.

There's lots of info on plans here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

D