SoberLeigh

Man, I missed a couple of good dinners; how did that happen?

Have you ever had a deep tissue massage, gonnachange? I think that you will enjoy it. Hopefully, it will help you to de-stress (always my main purpose in seeking a massage).

I was never able to successfully accomplish the 'two and done' drinking experience once I became fully entrenched in my alcoholism. Others have spoken of being able to moderate for a very brief period of time before heading rapidly down the slippery slope to despair. I believe that, no matter how much sober time I accumulate, I will never engage in an experiment or attempt at moderation. My sober life is just too wonderful to risk it. Not to mention that two drinks just wouldn't do it for me - enough said, I guess; that sort of says it all. It's all or nothing - so definitely nothing.

Maybe we are saying the same thing "it's easier to have none than one"!!!!!

Jsbodhi

Careful with the moderating thinking!
It can be controlled for a while, then most of us just slip right back to where we originally started and have to begin all over again.

Massages are awesome and I hope you enjoy it, I love them so much when i was in Thailand I was starting to get 3 a day, yes yes, addictive personality!

And count me in for dinner! At some point I was hoping to go to new jersey to do some research on the eastbound strangler. Maybe thats weird, haha

Gonnachange

As suspected the massage experience went much better than I was fretting about and since my wife has some free points to use up so I'd be game for going for another one next month. Most importantly, despite my earlier anxiety I had nothing strong than club soda to drink.

Jen73

Hi Gonnachange,

"Take one day at a time"
"Say a prayer before you go to bed"
"When you change your life, all the wonderful colors you made will appear"

Gonnachange

Thanks for your input.

As I've written previously sometimes it's one hour at a time, but the philosophy is still the same as one day at a time. This afternoon was one of those, but I made it and now that the stress inducer, irrational as it was, is behind me, I'm confident that the balance of the day will be just fine with regards to sobriety.

I like the quote about colors. I plan on growing old with my wife, watching my children become successful adults, one day have the joy of being a grandfather, running more marathons, and kicking butt at the gym. None of that is possible with alcohol and while I'm not perfect I'm making progress.

Gonnachange

I've had a couple of massages in my life, but never a deep one. Although almost painful at times it went well and as I wrote before I'd go back for another one. I can really see how I would benefit when I'm training for a marathon.

Moving on to last night, thank you for your advice. I have no intention of doing the moderation approach. For me none IS easier than a couple, but I'm not going to beat myself up for something like last night. That written, I'm going to continue coming here to write about the good and the bad and I hope it's clear that I'm not minimizing my poor decisions last night.

Dinner....I wrote about tonight's last night. A couple of hours driving north on 95 and you'll be here.

Thanks about the moderating. See what I wrote above.

Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Three a day? Man, either you have lots of $$ or they're really inexpensive in Thailand.

I had to do a search on the eastbound strangler which I guess means it's not me. :-)

If you ever do come east, let me know. Seriously.

Gonnachange

Although I did have moments of struggle yesterday, I made it through okay. Today has been much tougher; it's not that I'm mentally craving alcohol, but I'm physically not feeling well. This is not fun to say the least, but it will pass.

SoberLeigh

There are a lot of flus and colds going around; have you caught anything?

Gonnachange

No, I'm as sure as I can be that it's not cold or flu related. Headache, shortness of breath, thirsty despite drinking close to 3 quarts of club soda and water, and some minor trouble with fine motor skills using my hands.

As I'm typing this I'm having a cup of tea and then will go back to club soda to keep hydrating.

SoberLeigh

Have you thought about going to the doctor, Gonnachange? I think that you should be checked out.

Does club soda have sodium in it?????

tokidoki

I hope you are feeling okay today, gonnachange. I too have been battling urges to drink, and not so successfully. After a couple months of being *very* good (I think), this month has not been so great. I really appreciate your honesty, and for whatever it's worth, you are an inspiration to me.

Gonnachange

Thanks for your concern, but I'm confident that I'll be okay. I've experienced these symptoms before.

What I'm drinking, also called seltzer, is just carbonated water and there is no sodium or anything else.

Thanks for the good wishes and kind words tokidoki. Today, I'm getting through the day one hour at a time. We can do this!

SoberLeigh

Yes, we can, Gonnachange. Together we are strong.

Gonnachange

There's no doubt that I'm better off for having found SR. Hopefully I'm also giving back to the community.

SoberLeigh

Absolutely you are, Gonnachange. You are giving of yourself and sharing your experience.

Gonnachange

You're right and now that I think about it I'm sure that there are some who find the details of my journey instructive. I know I certainly gain by reading other journals.

tokidoki

"Together we are strong. Together we are strong"... Just repeating this in my head, so I will finally get it. Gonnachange, if you have any more great food info, plz let me know. I lived in Japan for many years and got spoiled by beautifully subtle food. I just love that you know about great food and have the skills to create it. Oh yes, we will get through this winter.

Gonnachange

Together we are strong! Yes we are.

As for the food, I'm not a chef, only a mainly self taught cook who knows how to get a healthy, seasonal, mainly from scratch, and usually cost effective dinner on the table every night. What gets served changes with my audience; now that my kids are in college I just have to cook for me and my wife. When the kids come home I modify to suit their tastes.

You asked a very open ended question about food info so I'm not sure how to answer. If I can, I'll answer something more specific.

I don't cook it, but we're big fans of Japanese cuisine. Fortunately I live in a foodie town known for its restaurants so we have many fine choices.

Vent Alert

Today is February 26, not the 25th that I spent most of the day believing it was. Ordinarily it wouldn't be a big deal, but today is the anniversary of my father's death, a man I respected more than anyone. If I can be half the person he was and leave that percentage of a legacy, both professionally and personally, that he did I'd consider myself a success. I failed him today. My mother died in 1988, my grandparents around the same time, and my father in 2007. In all those years I have never missed honoring them by visiting their graves on their birthdays and the anniversaries of their respective deaths. Until today. I had an extensive conversation with my wife and she did a great job of putting things in perspective, but the whole situation is gnawing at me because I'm very disappointed with myself.

I know I'm going to continue to beat myself up, even after I visit his grave tomorrow, but I am going to remain sober tonight.

SoberLeigh

You are a very good son and grandson, Gonnachange. I am sure that, if they could, they would wrap you in their arms and tell you so.

SoberLeigh

"Beautifully subtle food". I love that.