Hope2014

OMG- run from this guy fast. And thank your lucky stars you didn't end up in the pond. He is an abusive alcoholic and he is not going to change. You need to change your phone number and absolutely cut him out of your life- this will not end well. He will find someone else to abuse. Verbal abuse is sometimes more painful than physical abuse because no one sees the scars it leaves on your psyche.

doureallycare2

That's just it... I really believe I'll have no one.....

KissMyTiara

Women that stick with sick men because they think they can't find someone else are IMO sick themselves. Start focusing on yourself. Step away and get yourself mentally healthy. There are lots of good men out there.

KissMyTiara

Many women stay way too long in half-baked relationships because of the fear of returning to the hard work of dating.

Jupiters

oh my
please don't go back to this guy. He is bad news from what you're posting. You deserve better than this. Are you in any kind of counselling for yourself? I would definitely look into that if not. Why do you think you deserve someone who treats you so poorly?

doureallycare2

Thank you, I guess that is the question right? I actually just got back from my first therapy session. I think it went well. He definitely gave me something's to think about and was encouraging about where I am in all this.

One of the reasons I started a blog was to give voice and try to figure out why I don't think I deserve any better...

Thank you for caring!!!

SparkleKitty

Hon, you'll have YOU. It's learning that you are ENOUGH and accepting that a relationship with someone ELSE is not a substitute for a healthy happy relationship with YOURSELF that is the hard part. But until we do that, we continue to attract broken people like ourselves and have unfulfilling relationships that reinforce the cycle of feeling unworthy.

biminiblue

I have been single for 22 years. It is far and away better than being in an abusive relationship. Been there, done that. I have dated a little, but nothing serious - by choice.

You don't need a relationship to be happy.

Jupiters

this is so true.
I used to attract the most toxic, co-d, unhealthy men. Why? B/C that is exactly what I was putting out there! I didn't think I deserved a normal, healthy relationship. I had no idea what that entailed.
Once you start getting to know YOU and liking who YOU are, trust me, you WILL find someone who will be awesome.
I also agree with bimini below...I'd rather be single than in a chaotic, toxic relationship now that know better.
Good luck - keep posting!!

FreeOwl

yep....

also what Ellen said.

Your life is precious.... too precious to spend devoting it to a person who is stuck in this man's place.

Inflagrante

You're in an abusive relationship, and since you're already looking for help and advice, I hope you get out of it sooner rather than later.

I was in an abusive relationship in my twenties, and there's a reason why so many women get into these relationships, and it's not because we're masochists (well, maybe some are!). I always say that my abusive relationship was the best and the worst relationship I've ever been in. He could be the most loving and wonderful person and made me feel more loved (at times) than anyone else ever has, but he was a tormented soul, and it caused him to be vicious and mean more often than he was loving.

I nearly went to jail in that relationship, and I'm so lucky I got out without any permanent repercussions. Now, if I meet anyone who even reminds me of him, I run the other way. It took me a long time to figure out why I would want to be with someone who could be so incredibly mean to me.

I'm assuming you're looking for something you were missing out on for a long time, but you might be used to being treated badly, so it's comfortable. My therapist used to always counsel me to be alone and learn how to love myself first. I think that might be good advice.

doureallycare2

But see that's just it... This is a totally foreign concept to me ... I would of rather of had my fingernails torn out then be single... why? I'm not exactly sure yet.. But,that's why I stayed married for over 35 years to a man that absolutely could not remain faithful and had over 20 affairs..... Finally I mustered the courage to take a step that previously held nothing but terrifying fear.

People could not understand it. I would have acquaintances come up to me and say; we don't understand... ??? First, we don't understand why he would cheat on such a beautiful woman inside and out and second, why would you allow it.. you seem so strong and your so pretty...

All I can say is if you read my first couple of pages of my blog it may help you to understand a small part of why I do not see myself the way others apparently do.

Jupiters

I hope in counselling you can start to find some answers b/c that is no way to have to go through relationships. At least you are aware that it doesn't need to be that way, regardless of the past...being aware gives you the gift of making changes NOW.
You don't have to let the cycle continue any longer.

drunkfunk

Perhaps you need to learn how to be alone and love yourself first.

drunkfunk

THIS x1000.

PurpleKnight

At some point in life we have to stop ourselves and ask what do YOU want from life? is this the life I want for myself? and if the answer is no, then it's time to take a step back from a relationship!!

It's not easy, but surely we all deserve to be happy!! . . . this guy seems to be doing a great job at making himself happy, but what about YOU?!!

doureallycare2

I wanted love.

Inflagrante

It sounds like you want this relationship more than you don't want it. Lots of people are in co-dependent unhealthy relationships, and from you've described, that's what you're in. You can either accept that you're getting something that you need from this relationship and all of the negatives are worth it, or you can recognize how damaging the relationship is to your sense of self and work on getting out.

Personally, if I find myself complaining about something more than a few times, I start examining why I am putting up with what I'm complaining about. Sometimes my head needs readjusting to deal with it, and sometimes there's just no dealing with it and it has to be removed from my life.

doureallycare2

It has been a week since I ended it with him. yes I reached out on Monday with a stupid happy labor day email but I regretted that ever since. I don't regret ending it.. I needed to! It was not a good nor healthy relationship.... What I got out of the relationship was someone filling in the lonely empty hours.... I received some value. he seemed to appreciate me as a woman and person. However, the hurtful things and the mind games, the control and the jealousy all made me think I was starting to go crazy.

I came to believe alcohol played a bigger factor in his life then I realized. And I knew I could not fight against that... There were other things as I previously, to many red flags to ignore... But yes I do want to ignore them.. and yes I am addicted..

I almost just reached out this afternoon...

My exh called me here at work today and sent me in a tailspin.. all I could think of was to call him... I didn't.. I recognized it as a fix to make me feel better... just like the drink, or that next hit of a drug of preference. I have to re-wire this faulty brain not to think that the wrong things can rescue me.... Because in the long run that's all it is... I long with everything that is in me to be rescued....

tabasco

DATING SITE.

Hi, I am an alcoholic, I smoke pot, and I live in a basement of a house. I've been building it for 3 years now (its just has a very basic basement, no bathroom, no walls separating rooms etc... but I am sure you will like it) and my last girlfriend died of mysterious circumstances here 2 years ago.( drowned in my pond after a relationship argument, her fault of course). I am looking to date a mature sexy woman.

I am handsome, quite young, and I like to think quite manly, though some women have said a complete asswhole, ha! Cheek eh? I like to date people who are always happy to talk just about me, but I sometimes give complements too. Of course, being old school, I believe women should have their mouths duck taped when they say something or have an opinion, so don't apply to this dating ad if you can't accept that, or if you are naïve or stupid. hahahha,

I like to chat on the phone 2-3 hours every night while I drink and smoke and I expect you to be there to take my calls. So please expect to not go out with any friends or family, I hate that. It would be a constant problem for us. I am very jealous, and in a relationship I tend to always thinks my girlfriend is looking for another man. I've always been like that, so if you like that, do reply, lets see if we click?

If I am displeased I withhold affection and conversations, I like everything on my terms. if don't want to see you over the weekend we won't get together, so do not make set plans with me or I will mock and ridicule you that you need or want to set plans, hahahahah) I am very good in bed though!!

I like to clean my pond, it reminds of my last girlfriend but mostly I like to get drunk and abuse women down the phone every night. I can't always be reliable to meet, don't accuse me of having three or four women like this that I shuffle around, that's just true. So, if you like what you hear, and appreciate an honest dating ad for once, get in touch! I look forward to abusing you!

WOULD YOU REPLY?