I think Im dating an Alcohlic & Im co-dependent
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Originally Posted by Nuudawn 
This is not love. I think you know that. This is you riding an emotional roller coaster of drama and hurt and desperate self esteem...which is screaming love me, love me, love..please somebody love me and make me feel okay.
When I first entered therapy (over my ex)..my therapist said to me "it's not his job..it's not in his "contract" to make you feel better about yourself..that's not what relationships are about".
Relationships don't save you. You do. I swear to God..YOU do.
It's no one's job..but yours.
.
When I first entered therapy (over my ex)..my therapist said to me "it's not his job..it's not in his "contract" to make you feel better about yourself..that's not what relationships are about".
Relationships don't save you. You do. I swear to God..YOU do.
It's no one's job..but yours.
.
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Originally Posted by Jeremiah2911
I echo what Venecia said: STAY AWAY FROM THIS MAN! You deserve so much more! Another person suggested that you re-read your first post. Do it, slowly. Hear your words and think about what you have "settled for" in relationships-beginning with a cheating husband. Somehow, you don't think you are "worth" anything better BUT YOU ARE! You deserve to be loved, truly loved for the amazing person that you are. Hold your relationship standards MUCH higher than you have been and find someone who truly DESERVES YOU!
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I found this definition and its me to a T:
"Codependency underlies all addictions. The core symptom of “dependency” manifests as reliance on a person, substance, or process (i.e, activity, such as gambling or sex addiction). Instead of having a healthy relationship with yourself, you make something or someone else more important. Over time, your thoughts, feelings, and actions revolve around that other person, activity, or substance, and you increasingly abandon your relationship with yourself."
I find myself at a loss. I think my withdrawal symptoms from the toxic co-dependent relationship I had with the xb are diminishing. But (as I told my therapist this morning) now my mind has nothing to dwell and if feels wrong... I'm not obsessing. As much as I wanted to not have that constant battering in my mind about him I don't know how to handle this emptiness now. I think of him still with regret and feel as though there should be more.. Just a few days ago the desire to pick up the phone and talk with him was excruciating! At the time I did everything in my power to change my focus, think about other things. Now the past couple of days he flits in and out occasionally and when he's not there I feel empty.
So what to do? some how I have to keep filling myself with me right.. its hard to do when Ive taken on someone else's likes, dislikes, his thoughts, his beliefs his wants.. I do I learn what I want other then dependency.. this is so foreign to me.
It must be similar to those of you who drank right? Did you know yourself at all after giving up alcohol or drugs. how did you 'find yourself"?
"Codependency underlies all addictions. The core symptom of “dependency” manifests as reliance on a person, substance, or process (i.e, activity, such as gambling or sex addiction). Instead of having a healthy relationship with yourself, you make something or someone else more important. Over time, your thoughts, feelings, and actions revolve around that other person, activity, or substance, and you increasingly abandon your relationship with yourself."
I find myself at a loss. I think my withdrawal symptoms from the toxic co-dependent relationship I had with the xb are diminishing. But (as I told my therapist this morning) now my mind has nothing to dwell and if feels wrong... I'm not obsessing. As much as I wanted to not have that constant battering in my mind about him I don't know how to handle this emptiness now. I think of him still with regret and feel as though there should be more.. Just a few days ago the desire to pick up the phone and talk with him was excruciating! At the time I did everything in my power to change my focus, think about other things. Now the past couple of days he flits in and out occasionally and when he's not there I feel empty.
So what to do? some how I have to keep filling myself with me right.. its hard to do when Ive taken on someone else's likes, dislikes, his thoughts, his beliefs his wants.. I do I learn what I want other then dependency.. this is so foreign to me.
It must be similar to those of you who drank right? Did you know yourself at all after giving up alcohol or drugs. how did you 'find yourself"?
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
Volunteer. Get out of your own head.
While it might be important to have "a relationship with yourself" as you put it, it is also important to have affirmation for being the person you are from someone else.
And volunteering provides that.
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Volunteering and I go way back. I started in my teens for at a day camp for challenged children... Loved it! After I was married I was a teen youth leader for years (love my girls). After that I volunteer with special Olympics and for the past 2 years have helped run a "Divorce care" group .... This is the first time in my life I feel inadequate to volunteer.
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