penkins

thnx cristina. i was married 25 years before he left me. he was sooo different. attentive, affectionate. i was acknowledged. this marriage I'm in the way in my own house. my av is telling me that drinking will help tonight. help numb this hurt. my brain is saying to go home, take a shower n lay in bed and cry myself to sleep

Choobie

Penkins, stay in your car and drive to a safer place. Drinking won't help, but some time away might! Coffee shop? The mall? We got you!

rainstorm

Penkins, I have been missing my "soulmate" (suicide) for over 40 years. Not a great way to live. Drinking, of course, does not help-it is only a depressant. This told to me by my best friend of many years who finally jumped off the 11th floor of his building to end it all (15 years ago).

I have always felt, that had he stayed sober, he would still be alive today. They would both be alive today.

Sorry to be such a downer here, but dammit, alcohol is a depressant. Without it we have a chance at a happier life....

Choobie

Great job, purechaos! Just keep saying no until you can get rid of them. Sooner the better!

purechaos

Penkins... you got this. Take a deep breath and think about YOU. All the work you've put into being sober. ..all the pride you will have in a few days when you can say it's been 2 weeks. All the pride you will have when you wake up in the morning and your body and mind are not hung over.
I feel your pain. .. me and my husband of 4 yrs fight more then we talk. But don't let someone else steal your accomplishments. This is your fight. . Don't let him take the win from you.

malenam

Sounds like a good idea, Choobie. I plan to become an expert on nonalcoholic drinks now and make my own mocktails for home parties

PureChaos, I hope you will get rid of the pills very soon. You can do it.

Penkins, just hang in there. Cry, let your feelings out, try to take a long walk and breathe. For me the long walks always help. I feel you, hope you get through this without alcohol.

CuteNGayYay

Penkins u already got great advice so Imma just give u a big ole :HUG:

dingodog

Penkins, please don't give in now! You are going through a trouble spot, for sure, and I know how much you want to drink it away. Please don't. You know its not a permanent solution, even though you want the relief now. It will not be worth it! Can you go see a friend? Someone in your family? If there is nobody around, maybe check out a meeting? You are doing the right thing by reaching out now, and we are all here for you. Wish I was there, Id give you a big hug. We are all here for you. I'm praying for you.

Sonrisa12

First time since I became an adult that I ate crabs and didn't have beer. Yep, its true.

My AV was in full gear and I thought to myself, its ok to have one. I went to the bathroom and rethought it, and had ice tea and water instead. You know, I made the right decision. My partner had a beer but after a while, I was ok with that. My treat? A nice crab dinner that I could enjoy sans the effects of alcohol. All is ok in my head now

Day 11 tomorrow. Thank you everyone who has been such an inspiration to me, those who have supported me and those who are helpfully reminding me of where I was last year and not to cave in. I am determined this time

Just wish the AV would shut up sometimes...

dingodog

Well done Sonrisa12. I know what you mean about the AV. I was feeling very crabby earlier today, and wondering how to make that AV disappear once and for all. It truly scares me, and I hope it weakens as time goes on. I'm afraid it will always be there though. I just need to ignore it. Great to hear you enjoyed your dinner, and good job on 11 days!

dingodog

Crabby., no pun intended. Was really wanting to say b***hy, but was trying to be polite. Hee hee.

Sonrisa12

Thanks ding dong I think for me I need to find a way of dealing with the AV and realizing it will always be with me - just how to handle it better. Hoping someone has some good suggestions for that. I tell it to shut the FU, and so far it has worked (lol). But its a hard thing for sure to deal with, especially in the beginning.

dingodog

I don't know much about AVRT, the concept is new for me, but I like it. Planning on getting some books about it . Hoping more people here can offer some insight and tips and tricks to use this method. Off to bed folks, stay connected team August.

penkins

thanks everyone. i turned the car around and went home, took a shower and cried in my room. actually still crying but I'm sober. anyway. thnx everyone.

Emily2002

Penkins... If you're still reading, try to breathe. Listen to that breathe and focus on it. The fact you separated yourself from the conflict to pause is great, but think through until the end... what'll happen if you give in and drink. Figuring things out when drunk is even harder.

I, too, drink to numb the pain and anxiety. There's always something going on in my life, it seems. I've been finding it helps to be good to myself, because I can't rely on others to be good to me. I'm only as powerless as I allow myself to be.

Hugs and I hope you end up just going to bed early and sober, to wake up with a clear head and a bit ... no, A LOT more... hope.

Sage22

I looked up n found a LifeRing meeting in my area. I want to check that out as its new to me. It's once a week but that's a start.
Thanks Dee. I'm hoping to find and develop the skills to deal with my AV and shut it up!

Emily2002

Just saw your post Penkins... so glad you're home, safe and sound. I'd started writing and hit "send" after texting my daughter back and forth for a bit.

More hugs! :-)

Sage22

Great job Penkins!

Grateful11

(((Penkins)))) just read your last few posts...I was so relieved to read your last one. I'm sorry to hear you are sad though. I am so proud of you for staying sober. Hope tomorrow is better.

Grateful11

Thanks Dee!