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I need friends who get it :(

Old 07-12-2014, 05:13 AM
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I need friends who get it :(

Hi guys
been a member here since april but had a relapse last month, pretty bad. then had another one on sunday there, and i tried to commit suicide.
now due to my drink, my friends have dissappeared for months, before all this happened, and my boyfriend is having a real hard time with me, which i get.
i just need someone to be my friend. i am not a bad person, but i need understanding. this is sending me crazy, and im scared ill do something silly.

i want to be a new me, but how does that work when you feel like a terrible person and theres 'no point' ?
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Old 07-12-2014, 05:34 AM
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It took me a while to realize that alcohol is a major depressant and that was what drive us in this deep depression. It seems it is happening to you. I felt the same "I'm not worthy", "there is no point" feelings.

Since I quit it has reduced considerably, but I'm aware I also need to get help from a psychiatrist and psychologist, so I have both appointment scheduled. You need to see a doctor, dear. These thoughts of suicide are beyond major red flags!

I never had those and I'm conscious I need help with my depression, you need a doctor yesterday! Please do schedule a visit. We all have our preconceived feelings about the weirdness of getting help for our brain. It took me a while to accept that our brain is just another body part, and it can get sick like any other body part.

You have people who love you... A boyfriend, your family...even if your friends seemed to have quit on you, you still have loved ones. That's way more than many people have. If you can't trust your self-love now, do it for them.

Keep reading SR. You will find amazing stories of deep despair, but also of amazing recoveries. Focus on the recoveries ones. You can do it!
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Old 07-12-2014, 05:36 AM
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One, don't drink. THere is no reason in the world why you have to drink. None.

Two, reach out for all the help you can find and all the help you need to achieve #1.

To be honest, if you are suicidal, you need to RUN to find help. NOW. TODAY. Your medical doctor, a therapist, whoever you can find that can help you. If the only option you have today is the ER, go.

Friends don't disappear. And Sober Recovery never closes. Someone is here 24/7/365. You come in here and yell HELP.
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Old 07-12-2014, 05:52 AM
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Hi Bennevisgal,

Sorry to hear about your struggles but I'm glad you are reasonably well. Welcome back

You can make lots of friends here on SR if you come here and interact regularly. I've met many amazing people here, people with such personal quality, discipline, and integrity that I don't often meet in the 3D world. I had nearly zero private social life for years before I quit drinking early this year. It's a great start to re-learn how to socialize with sober people if you are comfortable with online interactions. If that's not enough for you, try other programs that provide face-to-face support. I go to AA meetings occasionally but my main support network and sober social circle has been here so far. Try a few things and see what works for you best. You are not a terrible person, your alcoholic life was terrible, but you can get past that period if you focus on it.

Great decision to come back posting - keep it up and try to do it on a daily basis instead of sporadically, see what happens
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Old 07-12-2014, 06:50 AM
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Thank you guys. your words mean more than you think.
I came back here, spewing out all my thoughts and yet again the SR community has managed to console them.
I will keep coming back to post. I hope to make friends I can keep and help the same way they help me.
Alcohol drives you into a depressing, lonely pit where it seems almost impossible to get out. Drink is so easy to turn to and buy these days and just go for it, and although it'll be hard to not have you guys physically stopping my hand, it's so nice to know you are there.
Thank you guys. This community seems to be saving a life one kind word at a time.
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Old 07-12-2014, 07:05 AM
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Hi bennevisgal, I had terrible shame, guilt and self hatred when I drank. Horrible and at the worst of my drinking, I think the amount of substances I was putting In me was a suicide attempt alone. Stopping the drinking helps, it really really does.

I agree with talking to a doc, keep coming here and posting. Why not go to the July class as well? There you have the support of folks in the exact same boat as you.
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Old 07-12-2014, 07:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Tamerua View Post
Hi bennevisgal, I had terrible shame, guilt and self hatred when I drank. Horrible and at the worst of my drinking, I think the amount of substances I was putting In me was a suicide attempt alone. Stopping the drinking helps, it really really does.

I agree with talking to a doc, keep coming here and posting. Why not go to the July class as well? There you have the support of folks in the exact same boat as you.
God, I know that feeling too.
Thanks Tamerua. I will definitely look into it!

Hope your journey is going well
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Old 07-12-2014, 08:05 AM
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It sounds like you need some face to face friend time as well as support here on SR and the attention of a doc...just last eve a woman showed up at a woman's meeting I go to with a similar story to yours. This meeting is held at my church. She said she was not religious but had nowhere else to turn. She was more than welcomed and very much supported.

We've all been where you are. Seek out any meetings or support groups you can find in your area. It will be a great start.
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Old 07-12-2014, 08:33 AM
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I get it...and I am here for you. Together we can get through this!

Here if you need to talk!
GK
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Old 07-12-2014, 08:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Bennevisgal View Post
God, I know that feeling too. Thanks Tamerua. I will definitely look into it! Hope your journey is going well
It's amazing, after a month without drinking, I felt like a different person. And it keeps getting better. you can do this.
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Old 07-12-2014, 08:47 AM
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I'm sorry you've been feeling so low but it's great that you have come here and posted.

It's really hard, if not impossible, for others to understand how hard recovery is, which is why SR is so helpful to us. Have faith in yourself and that your life will be better.
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Old 07-12-2014, 09:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Bennevisgal View Post
i want to be a new me, but how does that work when you feel like a terrible person and theres 'no point' ?
We reach out for help Bennevisgal. We ask for help. Reach out to every resource you can and keep asking till you get it.

Very very very few people can or should do it alone. I know I needed and wanted all the help I could get. I wasn't used to it. It didn't feel comfortable at first but in the end it was just what I needed.

You WANT to be a new you. That's is half the battle right there. Now it's finding the path to reveal that new you. It's in there. You are not a terrible person and you are the point.

I got a dollar that says every single person on here had some terrible behaviors. I know I did. That doesn't make you a terrible person. You are of value. You count. And you sure the h*ll are worth it.

(((Hug))) to you B.
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Old 07-12-2014, 09:19 AM
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glad you posted bennevisgal. many here have felt much the same as you at one point or another. keep posting - especially when you are feeling down. lot's of good folks here. whether or not you are into AA I would consider going to meet some people. Not everyone in AA is a radical, some are just kooks like me.
I'm going to an AA group picnic this afternoon just to hang out with other sober people for a change. You can always post here at any time, we're always open.
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Old 07-12-2014, 10:13 AM
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SR is full of people that get it, we've all struggled with our addictions and so understand where you're coming from and many of the frustrations and feelings you're experiencing!!

You can do this!!
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Old 07-12-2014, 04:17 PM
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i want to be a new me, but how does that work when you feel like a terrible person and theres 'no point' ?
I leant very hard on the folks here, and I helped out others best I could.

Gradually, without alcohol messing up my mind, and the feedback here, I began to see that I wasn't anywhere as bad as I thought.

I'm confident you'll find the same Bennevisgal - you're just the same as the rest of us - a person with a problem - but with strengths and talents and dreams and people who love them too

D
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Old 07-12-2014, 04:27 PM
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I lost all of my close friends when I was using heavily. It wasn't because they didn't care it was because they were frustrated and couldn't watch me hurt myself anymore. I cleaned myself up and slowly they came back. Unfortunately I slipped up a little and I am back to day 2, but my friends are still with me now. Once I was clean I was able to talk to them and they understood me better sot hey are here for me now, but I expect if I slip back out of control they won't be here for long. Do this for you and not them. This may sound harsh, but maybe you need new friends that understand you and are more supportive, but you have to get yourself straight in the head and out of the pity pot. I lived in the pity pot a long time and it gets you absolutely nowhere. You just stay stuck in misery. PLEASe don't do anything silly. Your worth more than that don't you think?
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Old 07-12-2014, 05:23 PM
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We understand. We've all been there and done that. Have a little faith in yourself that you can do this.
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Old 07-13-2014, 10:52 AM
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Guys,
thank you so much for all your replies. Every single one warmed my heart and motivated me to stick to my goal of no alcohol and tackle the reliance on it. i DONT need alcohol. and when i go out tonight, i will stick to my red bull and i will HAVE FUN without it! i am seeing people tonight who, although they drink, are very VERY understanding of me and are so supportive. they are friends i think i should be sticking with. i send all of you love and appreciation for taking the time to support me. you have no idea how much you guys have helped
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