Hi Bennevisgal,
Sorry to hear about your struggles but I'm glad you are reasonably well. Welcome back
You can make lots of friends here on SR if you come here and interact regularly. I've met many amazing people here, people with such personal quality, discipline, and integrity that I don't often meet in the 3D world. I had nearly zero private social life for years before I quit drinking early this year. It's a great start to re-learn how to socialize with sober people if you are comfortable with online interactions. If that's not enough for you, try other programs that provide face-to-face support. I go to AA meetings occasionally but my main support network and sober social circle has been here so far. Try a few things and see what works for you best. You are not a terrible person, your alcoholic life was terrible, but you can get past that period if you focus on it.
Great decision to come back posting - keep it up and try to do it on a daily basis instead of sporadically, see what happens