One, don't drink. THere is no reason in the world why you have to drink. None.
Two, reach out for all the help you can find and all the help you need to achieve #1.
To be honest, if you are suicidal, you need to RUN to find help. NOW. TODAY. Your medical doctor, a therapist, whoever you can find that can help you. If the only option you have today is the ER, go.
Friends don't disappear. And Sober Recovery never closes. Someone is here 24/7/365. You come in here and yell HELP.