A thread of hope for the weekenders! July 11-13
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Insomnia Dammit!
I used to have it frequently, now it's rare. I have found that if I get up and drink 2 cups of coffee I can go back to sleep pretty easily. Counter-intuitive, I know, but it's one of the wonders of ADHD. Caffeine is the only drug I take for it, and it calms my racing mind. If I've had enough sleep I can focus. If I haven't, I get sleepy.
Hope is a great theme. At one time I felt hopeless. The negative consequences of my drinking were mounting, yet my drinking was getting worse. It was illogical. It was nonsensical. I knew I had to stop or it would ruin everything I had - everything I had worked for, but I could not stop my compulsion to drink.
I quit hundreds of times. I can't tell you how many times I got up in the morning, dumped every drop of booze in my house down the sink and said "never again". By evening I was thinking about "again". Sometimes I would capitulate the same day. If I resisted I would pace my house like a caged animal, hearing a strange voice I didn't understand, a battle raging in my head that no one else could see. Trying to be an immovable object against that irresistible force. I could hold out a few days at best.
At some point I quit resisting and my hope faded. I was going to drink myself into prison or the grave. I purchased additional life and liability insurance to protect my family from the inevitable. I couldn't feel good unless I was drinking, so I did.
My addiction progressed as addictions do, and I hit a point where I couldn't even feel good if I was drinking. I could only feel less bad. I woke up one evening at 10:30, having passed out before dinner. I was cloaked in misery. I found my bottom.
And then I found a little hope.
I was going to beat this. Whatever it took. However long it took. I was not going to stop trying until I figured out how to overcome this thing. I joined this forum looking for my answers.
People were calling their compulsion to drink "AV" - addictive voice. Yes, I hear that voice, too! How do I make it stop? How do I make it stop? Someone suggested visualizing putting it in a box and plugging it's air hole. Oh how I loved that visualization - not just resisting my AV, but dominating it. Can people really do that? The thought FILLED me with hope. That suggestion came from Weasel1966.
There have been several posts lately where members here are expressing a feeling of hopelessness. I know how that feels. I also know there is always hope. Always. You don't know when or where you'll find it. You don't know when or where you'll inspire it, but it is always there. Always.
If you are new to sober living and struggling, do not despair. Change is possible. Hope is reasonable.
I used to have it frequently, now it's rare. I have found that if I get up and drink 2 cups of coffee I can go back to sleep pretty easily. Counter-intuitive, I know, but it's one of the wonders of ADHD. Caffeine is the only drug I take for it, and it calms my racing mind. If I've had enough sleep I can focus. If I haven't, I get sleepy.
Hope is a great theme. At one time I felt hopeless. The negative consequences of my drinking were mounting, yet my drinking was getting worse. It was illogical. It was nonsensical. I knew I had to stop or it would ruin everything I had - everything I had worked for, but I could not stop my compulsion to drink.
I quit hundreds of times. I can't tell you how many times I got up in the morning, dumped every drop of booze in my house down the sink and said "never again". By evening I was thinking about "again". Sometimes I would capitulate the same day. If I resisted I would pace my house like a caged animal, hearing a strange voice I didn't understand, a battle raging in my head that no one else could see. Trying to be an immovable object against that irresistible force. I could hold out a few days at best.
At some point I quit resisting and my hope faded. I was going to drink myself into prison or the grave. I purchased additional life and liability insurance to protect my family from the inevitable. I couldn't feel good unless I was drinking, so I did.
My addiction progressed as addictions do, and I hit a point where I couldn't even feel good if I was drinking. I could only feel less bad. I woke up one evening at 10:30, having passed out before dinner. I was cloaked in misery. I found my bottom.
And then I found a little hope.
I was going to beat this. Whatever it took. However long it took. I was not going to stop trying until I figured out how to overcome this thing. I joined this forum looking for my answers.
People were calling their compulsion to drink "AV" - addictive voice. Yes, I hear that voice, too! How do I make it stop? How do I make it stop? Someone suggested visualizing putting it in a box and plugging it's air hole. Oh how I loved that visualization - not just resisting my AV, but dominating it. Can people really do that? The thought FILLED me with hope. That suggestion came from Weasel1966.
There have been several posts lately where members here are expressing a feeling of hopelessness. I know how that feels. I also know there is always hope. Always. You don't know when or where you'll find it. You don't know when or where you'll inspire it, but it is always there. Always.
If you are new to sober living and struggling, do not despair. Change is possible. Hope is reasonable.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
To all those who are starting out on this journey of sobriety: Knowing exactly why you need to stop is nice, but not necessary. Just knowing that you need to stop is good enough for now. I'm newly stopped - just about 72 days or so since my last drink. Tonight, this early morning would have been prime time for me to drink though, as I used to drink to intentionally feel like junk to feel better about feeling like junk. Yes, ridiculous, but this is what I chose to do. Today I am here on SR. Not alone. Accountable. The road feels long at times. Every time I think I understand something, my understanding changes. For today it is enough to know at the very least I am not hastening my own death and destruction.
You can do this. We are all together. I appreciate this weekender thread so much and am very grateful to jump aboard. Everyone who comes here to stay sober has shared so beautifully and graciously. Helps keep me in the game of life especially when I feel out of it. This morning feels heavy but tomorrow will be different, new with sober and clear eyes
Then again, and again and we are doing it.
You can do this. We are all together. I appreciate this weekender thread so much and am very grateful to jump aboard. Everyone who comes here to stay sober has shared so beautifully and graciously. Helps keep me in the game of life especially when I feel out of it. This morning feels heavy but tomorrow will be different, new with sober and clear eyes
Then again, and again and we are doing it. 
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Non.... Thanks you for such a beautifully heartfelt post. I am typing through some water that insisted on coming out of my eyes because I know my story and I know what you have shared over time here. And yes. Hope has weaseled it's way into our lives.
Good for you my friend.
Ken
Good for you my friend.
Ken
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I have posted before about making hope wider. To me it's a concept of opening my mind and heart so hope has a chance.
Hope should always be a verb.
Hope is not passive. It is an action to be taken by me. It is tangible not in my words but in me seeking out help. Going to a meeting. In posting on SR. Taking my lumps and making them triumphs.
Hope should always be a verb.
Hope is not passive. It is an action to be taken by me. It is tangible not in my words but in me seeking out help. Going to a meeting. In posting on SR. Taking my lumps and making them triumphs.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Hello weekenders, what a wonderful thread. I'm definitely in for the weekend.
Sunday will mark 12 weeks of sobriety for me. I'm loving this freedom from alcohol, I never thought I could feel so free again.
The best thing so far (I know it's still early days), has been the growing sense of self acceptance, feeling great just to be me, even with so many flaws. I feel perfect in my imperfections. And, as a fabulous bonus, I can see how others are also perfectly imperfect too.
Have a great weekend everyone.
Sunday will mark 12 weeks of sobriety for me. I'm loving this freedom from alcohol, I never thought I could feel so free again.
The best thing so far (I know it's still early days), has been the growing sense of self acceptance, feeling great just to be me, even with so many flaws. I feel perfect in my imperfections. And, as a fabulous bonus, I can see how others are also perfectly imperfect too.
Have a great weekend everyone.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Yes, hope is a wonderful thing. So is laughter.
GREAT IMPOSSIBILITIES OF THE WORLD
1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person!
GREAT IMPOSSIBILITIES OF THE WORLD
1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Checking in Friday morning.
If I can't make it through a non-holiday, non-vacation weekend....I feel as though I'll lose hope for myself. Thanks for sharing these stories and feelings. It really is helping me...as I'm back on day 2.
From the few short runs of sobriety I've had, it's been absolutely amazing to wake up sober, no head swirling in dizziness, and jump right into plans for the day with my kiddos.
If I can't make it through a non-holiday, non-vacation weekend....I feel as though I'll lose hope for myself. Thanks for sharing these stories and feelings. It really is helping me...as I'm back on day 2.
From the few short runs of sobriety I've had, it's been absolutely amazing to wake up sober, no head swirling in dizziness, and jump right into plans for the day with my kiddos.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
I'm in please whee! kenders!
The thing that helped me the most was the day about three weeks in when I woke up feeling good. I thought I wasn't a morning person, I thought I didn't start the day well -- and I didn't for years -- but one day I woke up feeling good and lay there wondering why. That's when I began to laugh.
The other thing was pure vanity. I'm not a girly girl nor particularly appearance obsessed but I do value my health and healthy appearance. The little aches and pains started falling away, my skin started looking good and my hair started getting thicker. Then the energy started pumping. That was four or five months in and I was no kid -- I was 58.
The biggest thing? The peace. The lack of drama, the belly laughs and the feeling good. Every day even on the bad days.
You want hope? It's right out there waiting for you.
Originally Posted by Weasel1966 
but maybe insert a share here and there about your proudest moment. Something that stuck with you that helped you string two days together and then some!
The other thing was pure vanity. I'm not a girly girl nor particularly appearance obsessed but I do value my health and healthy appearance. The little aches and pains started falling away, my skin started looking good and my hair started getting thicker. Then the energy started pumping. That was four or five months in and I was no kid -- I was 58.
The biggest thing? The peace. The lack of drama, the belly laughs and the feeling good. Every day even on the bad days.
You want hope? It's right out there waiting for you.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I'm definitely in.
The Catholic Carmelite saint Teresa of Avila once said (paraphrased), "Brush the intrusive thoughts away like flies. Don't let them discourage or derail you."
It is nice not to have to worry about covering up all my tracks and keeping the lies straight anymore.
Originally Posted by Jupiters
halp! LOL
I have tried and tried. I cannot shut my thought faucet off.
Any tips? books? youtube? HALP!
I have tried and tried. I cannot shut my thought faucet off.
Any tips? books? youtube? HALP!
It is nice not to have to worry about covering up all my tracks and keeping the lies straight anymore.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
AppleKat, you can do it. That widening of hope that Weasel talked about is important. In the first days if you have to do it one minute, one hour, one day at a time, that is what you do.
When I first seriously quit and wasn't playing at it I did detox and inpatient rehab for sixteen days. I had to, I was so totally out of control that I was drinking morning noon and night. On paper I was functional because I never missed a day of work but how many normal people go home at lunch and have a glass or two of wine? Inpatient was fantastic and I managed a ten and a half run at sobriety before I relapsed last August.
Why? I stopped going to AA meetings and being around for support of other alcoholics. I never did call or contact people who might help or understand. I was worrying about people and things too much and not getting enough sleep. My husband relapsed and then I followed. For two and a half months I drank again until one day I had enough and stopped. I stopped without the detox and rehab.
What did I do this time? I went back to meetings but chose them more carefully. I didn't do ninety in ninety. I have one meeting to learn, one meeting to remind me of what it's like to be new and one meeting for socializing. I found SR and started posting and found a community on this thread. I started calling, emailing and texting other sober people throughout the day even if it is just to say hello, how is your day? Or to share a laugh or to get to know them. I open up about what's bugging me and am more conscious about why I feel certain ways. I have almost eight months again. Each day a victory.
Last night I had to pick up my daughter from a friends house. My husband said the parents had,suffered the loss of,a,friend and were sitting around drinking, reminiscing, enjoying the cool afternoon. I became so angry at how absolutely unfair it was that I couldn't do that anymore. But then I thought of everyone on this thread. I thought of my support here. It got better.
So now, I have to get ready for my day. My husband just brought two AA guys home froma six a.m. Meeting and I'm sitting out here in my night gown and lunches need to be made and I have to get ready for work. So, that is basically what I erased last night. Another day. Of hope. Of reaching out. Gotta go. Talk to you later.
When I first seriously quit and wasn't playing at it I did detox and inpatient rehab for sixteen days. I had to, I was so totally out of control that I was drinking morning noon and night. On paper I was functional because I never missed a day of work but how many normal people go home at lunch and have a glass or two of wine? Inpatient was fantastic and I managed a ten and a half run at sobriety before I relapsed last August.
Why? I stopped going to AA meetings and being around for support of other alcoholics. I never did call or contact people who might help or understand. I was worrying about people and things too much and not getting enough sleep. My husband relapsed and then I followed. For two and a half months I drank again until one day I had enough and stopped. I stopped without the detox and rehab.
What did I do this time? I went back to meetings but chose them more carefully. I didn't do ninety in ninety. I have one meeting to learn, one meeting to remind me of what it's like to be new and one meeting for socializing. I found SR and started posting and found a community on this thread. I started calling, emailing and texting other sober people throughout the day even if it is just to say hello, how is your day? Or to share a laugh or to get to know them. I open up about what's bugging me and am more conscious about why I feel certain ways. I have almost eight months again. Each day a victory.
Last night I had to pick up my daughter from a friends house. My husband said the parents had,suffered the loss of,a,friend and were sitting around drinking, reminiscing, enjoying the cool afternoon. I became so angry at how absolutely unfair it was that I couldn't do that anymore. But then I thought of everyone on this thread. I thought of my support here. It got better.
So now, I have to get ready for my day. My husband just brought two AA guys home froma six a.m. Meeting and I'm sitting out here in my night gown and lunches need to be made and I have to get ready for work. So, that is basically what I erased last night. Another day. Of hope. Of reaching out. Gotta go. Talk to you later.
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