Janis

I'd like some input from sober members out there that either used AA for a while then decided to do it on their own or people who got sober without AA.

I don't have a problem with the program but I don't feel like the type of program I've been taught in the last two years which includes you aren't allowed to think or you'll drink, going to enough meetings will stop me from drinking or praying will solve my problems. I understand the idea behind it but taking it literally is not working at keeping me sober without taking some accountability into my own hands and meetings don't always help.

I have a strict sponsorship line so that might be part of the turn off for me and maybe there is another way to go but the thing is it's not working for me. The whole point is to stay sober and AA is great to a point but I'm told if you don't do AA or it's not working for you then you aren't truly working the program and it's your fault. I like the support of going to meetings but I need to find what works for me.

I know this isn't a popular idea in AA and I don't want to offend anyone but any shares will be helpful.

Thanks!

littlefish

Of course it's not. In a large city such as Chicago, surely you can find RR or an outpatient program that offers alternatives to AA. Have you looked for anything?

Janis

I did an outpatient program which was great and I stayed sober for about six months after but they guide you into AA and I have been in it for two years and it's great and I like certain points but not working for me. RR....I've heard of that but haven't found anything on it. I'll look into it.

Thanks!

MandalayVA

I was in AA for about a year when I was living in another state. While I met good people there the program wasn't for me. I'm not religious or spiritual in the slightest, plus the endless slogans irked me. I knew three people whom I never heard say anything outside of slogans, even at social occasions. When I moved to Virginia, I decided not to seek out meetings. I didn't like the idea of being "powerless" over alcohol. The bottle did not buy itself, hop into my car, come to my place and pour itself down my throat. I did that. I have always done that. Just as now I don't buy it, bring it or drink it. That's why I have the signature that I do.

There are many options to AA, it's just that AA is better known. I find that coming here to SR and holding myself accountable in my posts is fine support.

Janis

Thank you. After being in AA for so long it's made me fearful that if I don't do it that I will never recover but staying within something that isn't working seems insane.

PurpleKnight

It's definitly not the only way, here is a thread with other options:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

For me the plan is to get Sober, not drink today, whatever helps me achieve that then that's the plan, I personally have not attended any AA meetings, so Sobriety can be achieved through other methods, you just have to work out what works for you!!

tomsteve

good stuff there. there is a difference between peoples perspective of the program and what the program truly suggests, which I don't think I recall the program as outlined in the BB says if ya think youll drink. meetings gets a person sober, praying will solve yer problems, or if its not working for yu its your fault.
what I read in the BB is our thinking needs an overhaul,theres action to getting sober( goin to meetings and not drinkin doesn't work too good), praying then listening for solutions is good( not just praying), and even AA says it isn't a cure all and outside help may be necessary.
I found nothing wrong with askin,"wheres that in the big book?"

no matter which way a person gets and stays sober, I also believe there is accountability and responsibility.

I also believe staying with something that isn't working would be rather insane.
theres many different routes to take and I hope ya find what works for you.

rachelle77

Thank you for starting this thread, Janis. I have been quietly wondering the same thing and look forward to reading the replies.

KAD

I'm very new to AA but not to the 12-step method, at least the idea behind it. I kinda treat it like church. I'm agnostic, but I long to be around other people who understand this affliction because I've been so alone with it for so long and I can't take that anymore. If I start to feel pressured to do or say something that goes against what I believe (or don't believe) I have the freedom to not participate, or walk away. And likewise, if it turns out that after some time experimenting with this I find it isn't working as I hoped or expected, I'll move on to something else.

aasharon90

The phrase or wording I heard in early recovery
where it suggested don't think, don't drink and
go to meetings was something I didn't really
understand, but eventually made sense the longer
I remained sober.

I was always trying to analyze this and that
about how a recovery program worked for
this alcoholic. The more I tried to make sense
of it all the more frustrated and confused I got.

It was suggested to not think about it, not try
to figure it all out but rather listen and follow
direction and suggestions from members who
learned to remain sober a day at a time for as
long as they had.

I am one like many who would try hard to
make a round peg into a square hole, so to
speak, and it never fit. If they handed me
a square peg representing a program of
recovery to fit in a square hole then slowly
it will fit just right with no struggles.

I guess for a long time I wanted to work
a program of recovery my way and my
will/way never worked the way it was suppose
to work.

They suggested to keep it simple and stop
struggling then I became more willing to
work a program of recovery just the way
is was written for us to work like it has for
many others.

I keep an open mind and if following a few
steps in a recovery program can and will
keep me from drinking or killing myself then
im all for it because I can surely complicate
the simplest things in life.

Today there are many programs available
to those with addictions and if one doesn't
suit you, keep trying till you find one that
works.

It will only work if we are willing to work
it. Doing the footwork. It's more than just
not drinking to remain sober, because I tried
too many times to just quit for the cravings,
temptations to come back more powerful than
before.

I had to learn how to work thru lifes problems
incorperating tools and knowledge of my addiction
to help me not drink when lifes situations coming
knocking on my door.

For example....if someone pizzes me off, am I
gonna run quickly to get a drink to numb my
resentment I have towards this person, or will
I find out why this person is pushing my buttons,
and how can I find a solution to calm myself
and return to a peaceful, healthy state to continue
on my recovery path.

ultradad

Janis, seems like you may have some serious resentments with AA and that could be for a number of reasons. If your sponsorship is not working, change it! If you don't like the program you're working maybe you should ask yourself why, not dump the whole program. Have you worked through the steps?

I had a friend that had lied to his sponsor, kept relapsing and ended up with resentments with AA...he wen't out and barely made it back. After humbling himself and returning to the rooms he now is doing amazing and realizes he was just using excuses to drink to fuel his resentment to AA! Don't throw the baby out with the dirty bath water. And, I'm not suggesting any of this is you, just sharing my experience.

My experience is that I've tried everything from church, AA, NA and my own will-power and nothing worked till I was ready for something to work. I tried AA when I was younger and it didn't work for me and looking back I could tell you exactly why! I wasn't ready, going to meetings and even talking to sponsor is not what AA is all about. AA is a spiritual program and many people can't get past this. I get that, but the program has worked for me. I've had to change sponsors, humble myself, but today I'm not drunk and with the grace of God and help of AA, I don't plan on it!

Other than that, I've heard of other programs that seem more science based or self-centered/will-power based. I just know it was my ego and self-centeredness that kept me drinking in the first place. I do hope you find what you're looking for.

Tamerua

It has worked for me, but I understand it isn't everyone's cup of tea. How about looking into SMART or Women in Sobriety? I've heard great things about them.

Nonsensical

AA works for lots of people, but kicking an addiction is highly personal, so one size doesn't fit all. There are other methods/programs out there. If AA isn't the answer for you, find something that is. You can find lots of good information on those programs by reading around on this forum.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

FlyerFan

1. If you offend someone, that's their own problem not yours.
2. AA doesn't work for everyone. Some people use it religiously and its great for them. Other people use it just for the fellowship and the friendship and support. And other people don't use it at all and they still stay sober, either through other programs or just by some miracle that we don't all get the fortune of having.
3. Try a bunch of different things until you find what you like the best.

Hope4Life

I actually had 18 months of sobriety before I started attending meetings. I made it to 18 months with shear DETERMINATION and will. The reason I decided to try the program was I felt something was missing from my life..... like there was a big hole that used to be filled with drinking and drugs and I wanted to see if AA could help me feel whole again. Now that I have a sponsor and several other friends in the program, I feel that hole shrinking.

The fellowship that I am a part of now is very understanding of each individuals beliefs and is not as 'hard line' as the fellowship that you described. Remember that you can change sponsors at any time for any reason. It sounds as though your current sponsor has idea's that don't fit your beliefs. I would encourage you to try some meetings at other fellowships and see if you can find a group that better matches you.

Since you have been in the program for a while now, you obviously have experience and wisdom that can help others. Please don't give up on AA just because of your current situation.

serious

you can quit on your own or though many recovery tools, AA works for some people and doesn't work for others.

it is simply the most popular program of recovery today (i think).

it's not necessary.. but if you've really tried all other options and failed, why not try AA?

Mandible2002

I was deeply involved in NA and AA for years. Sponsoring many people and even doing a 12th step call on one of my sponsors -- all the while staying clean and sober. I could and probably still can quote the Big Book with the best of them. I had my sponsees memorize the Acceptance Passage.
Eventually I found though that it didn't work for me anymore. Not that I was out drinking and getting high. But I found that once I got past the point where I needed to build a foundation for my recovery I started noticing all the ways that 12 step programs build a system where abuse is encouraged. When it's applauded that members go out of their way to remind themselves and each other how broken they are there's a problem. I was finding it impossible to recognize my strengths and where I actually do well because I was told it would kill me if I thought much of myself. The ferocity that I saw sponsees get attacked with was common and brutal. It is a system that is built on the notion that you are an idiot and can't figure out how to live your life. "Self-Will run riot" is at the core of 12 step beliefs. Your best thinking got you here so don't think anymore. It's kind of laughable. Urinating is a result of self-centeredness but no one would suggest that self-centeredness was an evil thing in that respect. I once thought that life would be gained by living the 12 step life until my wife woke me up by telling me that she saw me about as much now as before when I was out running and gunning. I was told over and over that meeting makers make it and listen to my sponser, and the program is life, and when you stop going to meetings that's the first step to drinking and using. What a scared little life I led.
I have found that recovery comes in many different forms and just as I evolve through my life so too do the needs of my recovery. I am empowered by life by love and by happiness now. I have learned that my recovery cannot be built around negativity and that it has to be built around a dream. I believe in myself in a way that I never have. Shhhh don't tell the 12 steppers they'll only say I'm in denial, I soon will be drunk or high, or that I truly wasn't an alcoholic or addict. And still, I love my life, I have many friends in and out of AA/NA, I am a good father, son and husband. And I am clean and sober and that won't change anytime soon.

I'm not much of an advice giver but I would suggest you ask yourself what you are looking for in a recovery program and start there. You really are an expert on your needs and when you listen to your heart and recognize your strengths you might be amazed.

Janis

Thank you for all the feedback. I'm simply looking for a program that works for me and not the one program fits all that I've experienced in AA. I've been in it since 01/2012 so it's all I've known. I think AA is great and I've seen it do wonders for others but it leads me to feel like I'm living a life that I don't want and is not my own. I've worked the steps and been through the big book and although I do enjoy the fellowship I don't enjoy the thought process. I'm not able to keep myself sober this way. I'm not resentful, at least I don't feel resentful towards AA, I just would like to hear what others have done.

I just know there are other options and wanted to hear from a broader audiance who have gone a different route.

Thank you so much for all the input and I welcome any further comments.

ReadyAtLast

AA works for many, not for many others.

I went to AA a few years ago.The people were lovely and did understand. I'm a very private person though and I did not like the whole getting involved with so many new people all at once. Whilst they were well intentioned it's just not me. I also found it difficult with people talking about their drinking all the time/war stories etc. I tried it for a few weeks but it wasn't for me.

I've been sober 18 months now using SR, AVRT and women for Sobriety. I would highly recommend all of these. I'm in the UK so WFS meetings are non existent but if you are in the US I believe they are more accesible.

I would say, different things work for different people. try everything and see what works for you

FlyerFan

One thing you have to remember with any 12 step program: Take only what you need and leave all the rest. Some of the things Mandible mentioned do happen unfortunately in some places. When I see stuff happen that I don't like, usually I will find a new meeting and stick to the ones where I feel the most comfortable.

None of us are perfect. And as I always say, as long as you don't drink today, you're doing fantastic, no matter what method you're using.