zombiegirl

To you they may seem like just "heavy drinkers" to themselves they maybe alcoholics. What is saying your addiction is more real than others.
All I know is a drank a hell of a lot everyday I was ill when I gave up I wasn't myself when I drank and I hated myself for it. It has taken me a hell of a lot of attempts to stop so yes i do believe I had a problem.
I think you should get your head out of your ***** and look around to see that we are all here with our issues whether or not you feel that you are more justified in been here than others.
So instead of putting folk down for wanting to make a goddam change bloody help them and praise them for it

GwenCummings

Resentment with a capital R.

I don't feel inspired to tell my story in a hostile space like this one. Is this what we do to recover? Create hostile, negative spaces?

This is a huge site, room for everyone. The more people who have time on their side, have not hit a rock bottom and can still mange to salvage their lives before they lose their job, family or home the better. Less people hurt.

Look for the stuff you can relate to.

Your post is full of pain, fear and anger. Just don't turn the anger onto other people who are struggling. Good luck.

FeelingGreat

I sort of know what you're saying Robert. I would be at the 'fraud' end of the scale, in your eyes, but I knew my bottle of wine every evening was going to do long term damage to my health and psyche. And I'd tried many times to stop, going back years with success for a while before slipping back into the old ways.

When you say some people make it seem easy, you don't know how they got to that point, or what struggles led up to them finally being able to quit. It's a rare alcoholic who hasn't spent years persuading themselves they don't have a problem.

Maybe you haven't got to that stage yet? From what you say you have tried many approaches and maybe, one day, it will all come together and you'll make it look easy. Hope so.

KateL

It wasn't easy. I went on for years trying to beak the cycle xxxx

caboblanco

so if someone successfully quits on one of his first tries he was just a heavy drinker and not the diseased alcoholic? do you get anything positive out of believing you have a seemingly incurable disease?

hokey

I agree with Gwen, this thread is full of anger and hostility. I initially got my back up when I read the word "fraud", but I can't change he way the OP feels. If that is your opinion, Robert, then you can have it ... you are entitled to that. I know what I am, you know what you are ... we just define it differently.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

FreeOwl

whether I'm a 'real' alcoholic or not is the frequent subject of debate even in my own head, Robert.

But I know that alcohol was involved in a lot of the troubles in my life for a lot of years and for several of those years I made legitimate efforts to stop which failed.

I finally got to a point that the pain of continuing on that track and the fear of where it would lead eventually became greater than the fear and discomfort of accepting I - whether or not a 'real alcoholic' - have a far better life without drinking.

So... whatever I am or am not I can tell you two things;

1) it has been hard, but sobriety is better than drinking
2) I hope you find what works for you to choose and stay sober

hopeful4

Does it matter? If you drink one day or 40 a day, if it disrupts your life then you have a problem. Branding yourself an alcoholic or not does not matter, your behavior and how it affects your life is what it's all about.

SR is here for support for whomever needs it.

Hawkeye13

Alcohol was controlling my life for many years, not me.

I tried and failed to stop many times and was spinning down into the abyss of losing it all.

Then, for some reason or grace, I was ready to really quit and I did.

I post here to help myself with accountability and share the fellowship of others
who have managed to walk out of Hell, but also to shine a light for those still struggling
to find the path out themselves.

I think about and work on my recovery every day,
and each day it is ever-so-slowly becoming less of a burden and more of joy.

Jupiters

pretty much sums up how I feel. I don't care what you call it, label it, identify it with...
every single bad thing that ever happened in my life had alcohol involved.
Loss of family - check
loss of relationships/marriage - check
loss of friends - check
loss of jobs - check
loss of financial control - check
loss of license - 2 DUIS - check check
Jail time b/c of 2nd - check
loss of self - CHECK
loss of "joy" in my life - HELL YAH CHECK

so, regardless if I am a "real" alcoholic, binge drinker, problem drinker...etc etc...

the end result is the same. My life is a bloody mess when I allow alcohol in it. End. Of.

GracieLou

I do not believe that I need to have anyone other than myself accept my alcoholism.

They can, but it would make no difference. Only I can determine that I am and what I am willing to do about it.

If you can accept you are an alcoholic then you have the first piece. I was missing that piece for most of my life. Then comes willingness to change. Change starts with the act of putting down the bottle but if you don’t back it up with solid action, you will drink again.

I don’t worry about what others are doing, where they are, where they are not. I am not angry that someone that came here at twenty years of age got sober and I didn’t see the light until I was 44. It is not about them, it is about me.

My willingness, my program, my acceptance, my sobriety, my LIFE.

Nothing changes, if nothing changes. Sobriety is not a car wash. You don’t walk in dirty and walk out thirty days later sparkling clean. It takes work up front and then constant maintenance to remain sober. It is work but it does get better over time and “time takes time”.

If you can put in the work and the time, then you have a chance but there are no guarantees. You get out of sobriety what you put into it.

FeenixxRising

I don't know Robert, so I don't know all the things he has tried, and I certainly didn't intend to be patronizing. Rather, I was trying to be encouraging. He explicitly wrote in his post title that it’s a “mystery” to him how people achieve sobriety. Sometimes we need to be reminded of the obvious, so I attempted to explain it’s not really a mystery, but rather the desire to never give up, and seeking help when needed. I don’t have the secret for sobriety, I can only share what’s worked for me so far, and patience, persistence and seeking help have been useful.

Since you haven’t offered Robert any advice in this thread Lilly, maybe you could do so instead of chiding me for at least attempting to offer him help?

Elphaba

I wish I was a fraud, but I guess that would be denial

Mek2

Let's not attack each other. Robert came here and attacked us who have had success. Luckily understanding people here didn't rip him apart too badly

DoubleDragons

No offense to anyone here, but if I didn't have an alcohol problem, the last thing I would be doing is spending hours on SR each day (for almost a year), trying to make sure that I stay sober and continue to value my sobriety.

I think some of us get off the elevator earlier than others. I think some people's elevators travel down a lot faster than others, but a fraud doesn't "waste" time on doing anything that doesn't have a payoff for himself. The people whom I have met on this site are not frauds, they are among the most real, honest, raw, kind, open people whom I have ever "met."

Joe Nerv

Just took this am I an alki test Alcoholism Screening Quiz .

I get an easy 100% if I took that test when I was in detox. Don't even have to ponder any of the questions. Was a nice reminder.

dSober

Jeez, starting reading from my last post. Gave up. Have we all settled down yet?

PurpleKnight

My concern would be where is Robert? his last post was 60 posts and 28hrs ago!!

I hope he's doing alright!!

nogard

Hey so we all qualified again today Thats ok, we can all do what we need to, to heal then.

Hey Robert hows your day?

DoubleBarrel

Thank you for your post. I am not sure why I was able to quit when so many cannot or do not.

But I can relate to you. I also thought that I was unlike others, only to find out that there is a term for your feeling, terminal uniqueness, which ironically proves that it is not so unique, after all. It is in fact part of alcoholism, trying to convince you that you are unable to quit.

I think you can. I hope rehab helps this time. Stay open minded. There are many real alcoholics who can and have recovered.