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Old 10-13-2013, 01:05 PM   #1 (permalink)
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How about this for a possible solution?


If anyone has followed my posts, I was very worried about my daughter. She called at 3am last night wanting me to pick her up again (4 hrs away) last time she bought a liter, waited until I was passed out and left (June 2013) she was recovering from drug withdraw and was so unbearable I just started drinking with her, no excuse, just being honest. So, rewind 20 years, making 80-100k year, then her father in 05 was killed...I lost it, a bottle used to sit in my house for weeks, I just didn't like the taste and rarely even finished a drink at the bar....from that day she lost both her parents as I did not want to get up at 6am anymore, I wanted an out....found Vic's Perc's, coke, x, whatever and all of that with drinking...then decided to start an escort service...I was smart with my HR background/documentation so was never arrested but so much money was coming in everyday and I was NEVER sober so thought she didn't know....so called at 7 am this am to let her know I wanted to leave early to come and get her as I have class/homework...she was up and alert at 7 am, I knew something was going on...she went on to say..Mom..lets just get this money like you did, she went on to tell me she is posting ads and when they give her the money she has a guy that comes in and robs them...she is going down a deadly path, one that made me loose everything, she went on to say she needs me to move there to be close to her, I can't be in that city...I am in school, working, etc. and she told me I am all she has and I should make the sacrifice to be there for her...I told her I would come get her, no drugs/drinking, would get her a job/buy her clothes and food but she wants that fast money I SHOWED HER AND I DID she is only 20 years old...I lost it earlier and bought a bottle, I am lost, confused and most of all feeling guilt as a mother that exposed her to this life...sorry for long post, just want any advice available...Thank You.
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Old 10-13-2013, 01:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
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That's a very sad and very dangerous situation for your daughter.

You can't change what happened in the past. But, you did the right thing by refusing to move near her and by refusing to be involved. What she is planning to do sounds very dangerous. I'm sure you're very worried about her, but she has to make the choice to change her life.

Get rid of the alcohol you bought and get back on track. You need to continue to move forward with your life. You've come a long way and you don't want to lose what you've worked for, ie. school, job. Show your daughter, by your example, that you are leading a sober life.
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Old 10-13-2013, 01:37 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thank you...sent you a PM awhile ago...FYI
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Old 10-13-2013, 01:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hello MN,

I think you know that there is nothing you can do for your daughter except to encourage her to do the right thing and to show her by your own example that it can be done...that life can be peaceful, joyous, and sober.

I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. There really is nothing like the pain a parent feels for their child. You and your precious daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 10-13-2013, 01:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I do hope you find the strength to stay on course. Many of us have some guilt to carry, we can not let that break us and give into to self pity and alcohol.

You have to remain strong and show your daughter there is a way out.

I will pray for booth of you.
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Old 10-13-2013, 01:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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MN, I'm so sorry your daughter is in this situation but there's no point in you continuing to guilt-trip yourself. There's no point in you looking back and dwelling on what you could have done differently and blaming yourself for the current situation.

Please get rid of the bottle. You know drinking will not help.
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Old 10-13-2013, 01:51 PM   #7 (permalink)
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What a sad situation. I'm sorry you and your daughter are going through this. But, honestly, you cannot help her if you cannot even help yourself. Reaching for the bottle is the worst thing you could do. You certainly can't drive to her after you've been drinking.

I'm not sure what advice I have, other than to get your own situation straightened out. They say one must put on their own oxygen mask before they can help anyone else.

If your daughter needs help, I'm sure there are places where she is that she can contact. There comes a point where we just can't save our kids, they have to want to save themselves. I've been there, so I know what I'm talking about. l know it doesn't make the hurt go away, but it's the honest truth.
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Old 10-13-2013, 02:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Seren View Post
Hello MN,

I think you know that there is nothing you can do for your daughter except to encourage her to do the right thing and to show her by your own example that it can be done...that life can be peaceful, joyous, and sober.

I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. There really is nothing like the pain a parent feels for their child. You and your precious daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you, but as a mom have to do something....just trying to figure out what..thanks again, broken, bottom...just don't even know...
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Old 10-13-2013, 02:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I do hope you find the strength to stay on course. Many of us have some guilt to carry, we can not let that break us and give into to self pity and alcohol.

You have to remain strong and show your daughter there is a way out.

I will pray for booth of you.
Thank You, I have continued to pray daily and then the call comes and now what? They say God won't give you anything you can't handle...well, either he thinks im superwoman or really has a sick sense of humor...sorry, no disrespect, I did this..just ...well you already know...
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Old 10-13-2013, 02:12 PM   #10 (permalink)
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MN, I'm so sorry your daughter is in this situation but there's no point in you continuing to guilt-trip yourself. There's no point in you looking back and dwelling on what you could have done differently and blaming yourself for the current situation.

Please get rid of the bottle. You know drinking will not help.
Bottle was gone hours ago....and of course I have to feel responsible/guilty...my daughter???
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Old 10-13-2013, 02:17 PM   #11 (permalink)
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What a sad situation. I'm sorry you and your daughter are going through this. But, honestly, you cannot help her if you cannot even help yourself. Reaching for the bottle is the worst thing you could do. You certainly can't drive to her after you've been drinking.

I'm not sure what advice I have, other than to get your own situation straightened out. They say one must put on their own oxygen mask before they can help anyone else.

If your daughter needs help, I'm sure there are places where she is that she can contact. There comes a point where we just can't save our kids, they have to want to save themselves. I've been there, so I know what I'm talking about. l know it doesn't make the hurt go away, but it's the honest truth.
Thank You, I do have her thinking about Hazelton in MN (not sure if spelling is correct) and she is considering that...I don't know about cost/insurance, etc. but at least its a step, only thing that worries me is that she thinks it's a vacation...she doesn't want to work, get up in am, go to school....I have all that to offer her but again, she wants that fast cash she grew up with, thanks again...
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Old 10-13-2013, 02:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Take care of her mom MN.
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Old 10-13-2013, 02:49 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Take care of her mom MN.
Think your right....just going to get a few hrs sleep and go get her! Thank you
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Old 10-13-2013, 06:30 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I wish you safe travels, and I hope your daughter truly reaches out for the help you are offering her.
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Old 10-14-2013, 06:51 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I wish you safe travels, and I hope your daughter truly reaches out for the help you are offering her.
Thank you, last night was horrible, I talked to her once and she told me she almost had to use our "Emergency-In trouble" sentence, then said, "gotta go, call you back." We have had this since she was 5 and its a sentence/statement that would let me know she is in trouble and thankfully have never had to use it. I called the numbers I have several times still no response...I don't even know where to go and look for her in Minneapolis? Not a huge city, but I have NO idea where she is...I of course did the worst and gave in again to escape and now its 9am and no way I can think of class....I am so lost and know this is my fault and how to make it right? No idea?? Thanks for the messages, I just left my laptop in my room as I refuse to be on SR drinking....going to try to find her ads and maybe contact police? I don't know, still fuzzy and of course sick now so...just giving update...Thanks
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Old 10-14-2013, 06:57 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Do you think this happened while she was robbing a John at gunpoint ?
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Old 10-14-2013, 07:06 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Honestly.... And I mean this as no offense, I think you need as much if not more help then your daughter! As moms we lead by example not, do as I say not as I do. How about getting yourself into hazelton. If you are currently using you really are very little help to her.
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Old 10-14-2013, 07:20 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Do you think this happened while she was robbing a John at gunpoint ?
I don't even want to think about guns being used at this point??! All she said was she was locked in a basement with crackheads and she was about to call me with the "help sentence" but she got out and then as I said she said, Oh, I gotta go, will call you right back...last I heard,,,,I hear what you are not saying in your response and take full responsibility, I was a terrible Mom from 05 and on, before that, girl scout leader, Sunday school teacher, that is why I am so worried as she does not have the heart or knowledge of this lifestyle, she only saw the money, not all the terrible things that happened to me.
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Old 10-14-2013, 07:29 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Honestly.... And I mean this as no offense, I think you need as much if not more help then your daughter! As moms we lead by example not, do as I say not as I do. How about getting yourself into hazelton. If you are currently using you really are very little help to her.
No offense taken, I can't get into Hazelton, my insurance does not cover it and no way I can afford it, that it why I am doing outpatient with therapy. She however (she told me anyway) that her insurance does cover Hazelton, but as I said she acted like it was more of a vacation...I don't even know if she knows, I am still waiting to hear from her.... I don't mean to sound weak, but if you look at my post from last week, was so happy giving an update to my success...I messed up, I am scared to death for my daughter and I am the one responsible. Drinking...DONE...just waiting on a call and trying to find out where she is.....
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Old 10-14-2013, 08:03 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I do hope she will get more sensible, it is dangerous what she is doing.

You can not decide for her.

I am sorry you guys are going through this.
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