suki44883

Get some rest. You can't do anything for her right now. I know what a helpless feeling that is, but it's the truth. Take care of yourself. (((HUGS)))

FeenixxRising

MN8, you have a lot of stuff to sort out. Step one should be getting yourself to a place where you can think straight and make good decisions. I don't think you're there right now. After that you can deal with whatever other issues are taking place.

Get sober, stay sober and then start working on the other problems. Sorry, I know this doesn't make things any easier, but it's the only advise I have. But you have to start somewhere, and fixing yourself is the way to go IMO.

MN81713

Well update, after all the drama/police/hospital last night was just exhausted and wanted to sleep...she kept calling, saying she was calling my job (they didn't do a background check, I have no felonies, but even a simple charge will get me fired as I do audit and deal with ppls credit cards) she also is calling the police on things I did years ago to get me arrested....I answered about 20 calls, ignored 23, no sleep, called a friend and yes (head down) slammed a pint....woke up in the most terrible withdraw, shaking, anxiety, paranoid....zanax did not even help this one...I cant drive did not go to therapy or school...I know this is exactly what I should NOT have done, SR is the only place I am totally honest so that is what happened. I have been texting her since 4am begging her not to call my job/police.....she told me so many times to kill myself and do everyone a favor last night I can't even count....if I loose my job and schooling I'm done, she was saying things like I sold her, molested her, slept with her HS friends??? None true, I don't know what she is on but she is most def on a war path to ruin my life...I love her so much and she hates me.....I have to work all night tomorrow and I can't even keep a straight head, hands shaking....in absolute hell right now. Sorry I don't have a more positive update....she has not responded to any of my pleads as of yet. Thank you for the continued advice, support and PM's I truly appreciate each and every one.

suki44883

I think you should stop pleading with her. She knows you don't want her to do those things, but if she's going to, then there's nothing you can do about it. Maybe you should think about blocking that phone she's using so you won't get these abusive messages.

Again, you have to protect and take care of yourself. There is nothing you can do for her and she wants you to leave her alone. You two are feeding off each other, causing both of you to do and say crazy things. You are toxic to each other right now. The best thing would be for you to avoid each other for a while.

Blackcat11

Well,

IMHO this is all about you now. The wonderful news is that God takes and embraces you (& me) as he finds us. Now--today--drunk and all bridges burnt.
You are still loved! And so are we all. It is a wonderful starting place.

ScottFromWI

I would agree with suki. Turn off your phone and work on taking care of yourself. If you don't do that, nothing else matters anyway. Alcohol will slowly take the rest of the things you have away from you - your job, your home, maybe even your life.

MN81713

You are all right as usual, I am just scared...Thank you for the messages.

ScottFromWI

You have every right to be scared, there is plenty going on in your life. The issue it seems though is that you aren't scared enough of the biggest threat to everything you hold dear, which is your drinking. When you can finally accept that and do something about it things will get less scary.

MN81713

I am scared of jail...my past now coming and I was doing so well...I hate drinking....HATE IT! Just thinking at this point letting it all go...school, work and going inpatient...the way im feeling now, I think I need some medical attention. That has to be first, going to try and lay back for the day but if this continues, just going to admit myself and if I have to deal with jail, etc. I did it, comes a time when you just have to accept responsibility.

ScottFromWI

That sounds like a wonderful idea MN. Especially if you think you need medical attention, go now - don't wait.

MN81713

Still in out patient, hot showers, meditation, brisk walk...I do want to at least give it one day...I will however, be at the ER in the AM if its still this bad...I am not shaking quite as bad, deep breathing, nature music, phone off...again, Thank you for sticking with me.

MN81713

No calls last night...have all the emails from my professors to get caught up...time to put on my big girl pants and face the music. I really have used, manipulate, lied all my life and feel a huge relief just being done, know that sounds crazy but whatever I have to deal with, I will deal with at this point....sick of the paranoid thoughts and escaping, I am a grown woman. They said you psyc leave at the point you started using, well, that would mean I have a lot of growing up to do. Still can't get on chat, hate that...but will be up all night if anyone is around! Have a good day and thank you again!

soberhawk

Way to go MN

You can do it, one day at the time - and you will end up having achieved a lot.

alphaomega

Atta girl.

You have what it takes. You are intelligent and saavy. And I believe kind and compassionate as well. You thought you were running the game, but like any good addiction, IT owned YOU. You managed a damn good run, but it's over.

Isn't it a relief to know you no longer have to lie and cheat and manipulate and try to keep up with all that ? Just strip away all the BS (which I KNOW you know every angle) and let the chips fall where they may.

Now knock it off and let your healing begin.

You got this.

XO AO

MN81713

Thank you ...and..you rock!!!

MN81713

Ahhh, have been called intelligent and compassionate...never "saavy" Yes, it is a relief....yep, I got this! Bring it on!!!! Thank You!!!

MN81713

Hospital in AM...Didn't even show up for work last 2 days..done,,,,,,,would drive now if I could!

digdug

This is just my opinion, but outpatient is clearly not working, either because you need something more intensive or you are not being honest to your counselor about your continued drinking.

Please consider going inpatient. Get there by any means necessary. You will have at least a month without the distractions of life, family, work, etc. Just time to work on yourself. When you go inpatient, you are in this fantastic bubble, where the only thing that matters is learning how to stay sober.

You need a life raft. Take it before it's too late.

MN81713

I think I do....

digdug

So what's stopping you? Are you scared? Afraid to admit defeat by having to go to an inpatient rehab? Worried about paying for it?

What is the roadblock here?