How about this for a possible solution?
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Originally Posted by Blackcat11 
Hey there,
Just wanted to toss this in. EndGameNYC only echoed what others had said
---no judgement, nothing but an honest observation. Seems to have hit you differently for some reason
Even here on SR int is fairly rarely that you get the old--"my daughter is turning tricks and then robbing them" trope---maybe in your world but not too often in many others.
BUT far more importantly God's grace takes us every one exactly where he finds us---AND we are all the same. No one is better than---or less than!
So how do you find a way out---not sure. But lot's of praying and NO drinking are all the simple answers (the start) to a very complex problem. Seems like this may evolve over a period of time but you will not find a better friend than EGNYC!
Just wanted to toss this in. EndGameNYC only echoed what others had said
---no judgement, nothing but an honest observation. Seems to have hit you differently for some reason
Even here on SR int is fairly rarely that you get the old--"my daughter is turning tricks and then robbing them" trope---maybe in your world but not too often in many others.
BUT far more importantly God's grace takes us every one exactly where he finds us---AND we are all the same. No one is better than---or less than!
So how do you find a way out---not sure. But lot's of praying and NO drinking are all the simple answers (the start) to a very complex problem. Seems like this may evolve over a period of time but you will not find a better friend than EGNYC!
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Originally Posted by FeenixxRising
MN8, can you get your daughter home with you? You would at least know she is safe and you can then build from there.
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I'm going to be blunt, but blunt out of love and compassion.
Your daughter is an adult. She is responsible for her own choices and will have to face the consequences of her actions as an adult. Just like no one could save you until you were fully ready to get help, no one, including you, can save her until she is ready. It's the most difficult thing as a parent to accept, but it's the cold, hard truth.
Right now, you have one responsibility. One focus. And that is to work your recovery and stay sober to the best of your ability. I'm so happy that you've sought treatment, but you are still hanging on from a thread here. This is a matter of life and death here. YOUR life. Distractions and life events will try to pull you away from your recovery, but you can't let them get in the way if you really want this.
I'll be praying for you and your daughter.
Your daughter is an adult. She is responsible for her own choices and will have to face the consequences of her actions as an adult. Just like no one could save you until you were fully ready to get help, no one, including you, can save her until she is ready. It's the most difficult thing as a parent to accept, but it's the cold, hard truth.
Right now, you have one responsibility. One focus. And that is to work your recovery and stay sober to the best of your ability. I'm so happy that you've sought treatment, but you are still hanging on from a thread here. This is a matter of life and death here. YOUR life. Distractions and life events will try to pull you away from your recovery, but you can't let them get in the way if you really want this.
I'll be praying for you and your daughter.
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Originally Posted by digdug
I'm going to be blunt, but blunt out of love and compassion.
Your daughter is an adult. She is responsible for her own choices and will have to face the consequences of her actions as an adult. Just like no one could save you until you were fully ready to get help, no one, including you, can save her until she is ready. It's the most difficult thing as a parent to accept, but it's the cold, hard truth.
Right now, you have one responsibility. One focus. And that is to work your recovery and stay sober to the best of your ability. I'm so happy that you've sought treatment, but you are still hanging on from a thread here. This is a matter of life and death here. YOUR life. Distractions and life events will try to pull you away from your recovery, but you can't let them get in the way if you really want this.
I'll be praying for you and your daughter.
Your daughter is an adult. She is responsible for her own choices and will have to face the consequences of her actions as an adult. Just like no one could save you until you were fully ready to get help, no one, including you, can save her until she is ready. It's the most difficult thing as a parent to accept, but it's the cold, hard truth.
Right now, you have one responsibility. One focus. And that is to work your recovery and stay sober to the best of your ability. I'm so happy that you've sought treatment, but you are still hanging on from a thread here. This is a matter of life and death here. YOUR life. Distractions and life events will try to pull you away from your recovery, but you can't let them get in the way if you really want this.
I'll be praying for you and your daughter.
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I am sorry MN.
I have boys at the same age, I know they are grown ups – but they are still my children.
You have by your action demonstrated that you find it wrong what she is doing. I am not sure what more you can do. You can not be part of this hoax.
I am sure your daughter knows that you will help her when she is ready to try to straighten out her life.
Stay of the alcohol and become strong,
Take care.
I have boys at the same age, I know they are grown ups – but they are still my children.
You have by your action demonstrated that you find it wrong what she is doing. I am not sure what more you can do. You can not be part of this hoax.
I am sure your daughter knows that you will help her when she is ready to try to straighten out her life.
Stay of the alcohol and become strong,
Take care.
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You know how you needed to walk down a road in order to see that you needed to take a different route? When people told you (Maybe) that the path you were on was not a good one, turn around and walk into another direction. Did you listen? I am sure that you listened and took in those words with some understanding, like we all have. However, the road that you were walking needed to be walked, no matter what anyone told you.
Your daughter will have to fall and stand. Stand and fall. She will have to live and breath, making mistakes along the way and learn. Love is what you can give. Understanding is what you can give. Putting one foot in front of the other and remaining sober is what you can give. Right now, when you stand a healthy ground, you are telling her without words that she can make a different decision. She has to be willing. I know that you are willing to help her, but is she willing to help herself? We can not help others in a costly unhealthy way. We can not sacrifice our own well being. It is hard to sit back and watch, but it would be even harder and more detrimental if you pull her out of her mess. The only way that she will get out of this mess is when she realizes that she is in a mess. This is not yours. Boundaries will keep you safe. If we take a step back and listen to that inner voice it will guide us in a way that is healthy and prosperous. Put one foot in front of the other. Put the focus back onto your school and work. Remain sober.
You are not alone.
Your daughter will have to fall and stand. Stand and fall. She will have to live and breath, making mistakes along the way and learn. Love is what you can give. Understanding is what you can give. Putting one foot in front of the other and remaining sober is what you can give. Right now, when you stand a healthy ground, you are telling her without words that she can make a different decision. She has to be willing. I know that you are willing to help her, but is she willing to help herself? We can not help others in a costly unhealthy way. We can not sacrifice our own well being. It is hard to sit back and watch, but it would be even harder and more detrimental if you pull her out of her mess. The only way that she will get out of this mess is when she realizes that she is in a mess. This is not yours. Boundaries will keep you safe. If we take a step back and listen to that inner voice it will guide us in a way that is healthy and prosperous. Put one foot in front of the other. Put the focus back onto your school and work. Remain sober.
You are not alone.
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As other posters have said, you must help by being an example and offering absolutely zero support/reinforcement of what she's doing. A friend of mine was doing this same thing after high school (setting up dates and then robbing the John with a group of guys) and they found her body in the river. I don't say this to scare you but this usually ends horribly. I pray for you and your daughter and truly hope she can find an alternative way of making money. Shoot being broke would be so much safer. Best wishes and sincerest prayers to you.
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Originally Posted by Mizzuno
You know how you needed to walk down a road in order to see that you needed to take a different route? When people told you (Maybe) that the path you were on was not a good one, turn around and walk into another direction. Did you listen? I am sure that you listened and took in those words with some understanding, like we all have. However, the road that you were walking needed to be walked, no matter what anyone told you.
Your daughter will have to fall and stand. Stand and fall. She will have to live and breath, making mistakes along the way and learn. Love is what you can give. Understanding is what you can give. Putting one foot in front of the other and remaining sober is what you can give. Right now, when you stand a healthy ground, you are telling her without words that she can make a different decision. She has to be willing. I know that you are willing to help her, but is she willing to help herself? We can not help others in a costly unhealthy way. We can not sacrifice our own well being. It is hard to sit back and watch, but it would be even harder and more detrimental if you pull her out of her mess. The only way that she will get out of this mess is when she realizes that she is in a mess. This is not yours. Boundaries will keep you safe. If we take a step back and listen to that inner voice it will guide us in a way that is healthy and prosperous. Put one foot in front of the other. Put the focus back onto your school and work. Remain sober.
You are not alone.
Your daughter will have to fall and stand. Stand and fall. She will have to live and breath, making mistakes along the way and learn. Love is what you can give. Understanding is what you can give. Putting one foot in front of the other and remaining sober is what you can give. Right now, when you stand a healthy ground, you are telling her without words that she can make a different decision. She has to be willing. I know that you are willing to help her, but is she willing to help herself? We can not help others in a costly unhealthy way. We can not sacrifice our own well being. It is hard to sit back and watch, but it would be even harder and more detrimental if you pull her out of her mess. The only way that she will get out of this mess is when she realizes that she is in a mess. This is not yours. Boundaries will keep you safe. If we take a step back and listen to that inner voice it will guide us in a way that is healthy and prosperous. Put one foot in front of the other. Put the focus back onto your school and work. Remain sober.
You are not alone.
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Originally Posted by RiverFriend
As other posters have said, you must help by being an example and offering absolutely zero support/reinforcement of what she's doing. A friend of mine was doing this same thing after high school (setting up dates and then robbing the John with a group of guys) and they found her body in the river. I don't say this to scare you but this usually ends horribly. I pray for you and your daughter and truly hope she can find an alternative way of making money. Shoot being broke would be so much safer. Best wishes and sincerest prayers to you.
I have to get her...in a river?? I was just getting a bit of peace but you made me realize I can't....I have to do something....I would surely be dead if something happened to her....thanks for the reality check, everything else has to be second now....getting there, finding her by any means.....
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MN - you need help for yourself. You can't help your daughter now, she has made a choice to live the life she is living. Even if you were somehow able to find her she isn't going to come with you anyway as you stated. She is an adult and must learn to be responsible for her own actions. The best way you could help her is to help yourself and be responsible for your own issues. That way if she does decide to come to you for help you will be able to provide it.
You can drag this out as long as you want and always find an excuse to not get sober, but at some point you will have to face the reality of your problem. I pray that you make the choice to do it sooner rather than later.
You can drag this out as long as you want and always find an excuse to not get sober, but at some point you will have to face the reality of your problem. I pray that you make the choice to do it sooner rather than later.
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You are potentially throwing your chance at sobriety away based on a single anecdote from a stranger on the internet?
What if YOU die from your disease? You're running out of hospital stays. Eventually, you're not going to be coming home from one of them. Sooner rather than later if you pick up another bottle. Then your daughter won't have a mom.
Please look at the big picture here. As alcoholics and addicts, we are no help to anyone unless we are solidly sober first.
What if YOU die from your disease? You're running out of hospital stays. Eventually, you're not going to be coming home from one of them. Sooner rather than later if you pick up another bottle. Then your daughter won't have a mom.
Please look at the big picture here. As alcoholics and addicts, we are no help to anyone unless we are solidly sober first.
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
MN - you need help for yourself. You can't help your daughter now, she has made a choice to live the life she is living. Even if you were somehow able to find her she isn't going to come with you anyway as you stated. She is an adult and must learn to be responsible for her own actions. The best way you could help her is to help yourself and be responsible for your own issues. That way if she does decide to come to you for help you will be able to provide it.
You can drag this out as long as you want and always find an excuse to not get sober, but at some point you will have to face the reality of your problem. I pray that you make the choice to do it sooner rather than later.
You can drag this out as long as you want and always find an excuse to not get sober, but at some point you will have to face the reality of your problem. I pray that you make the choice to do it sooner rather than later.
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Originally Posted by digdug
You are potentially throwing your chance at sobriety away based on a single anecdote from a stranger on the internet?
What if YOU die from your disease? You're running out of hospital stays. Eventually, you're not going to be coming home from one of them. Sooner rather than later if you pick up another bottle. Then your daughter won't have a mom.
Please look at the big picture here. As alcoholics and addicts, we are no help to anyone unless we are solidly sober first.
What if YOU die from your disease? You're running out of hospital stays. Eventually, you're not going to be coming home from one of them. Sooner rather than later if you pick up another bottle. Then your daughter won't have a mom.
Please look at the big picture here. As alcoholics and addicts, we are no help to anyone unless we are solidly sober first.
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Originally Posted by MN81713
Thank You Scott, just wanted to make sure you read the previous post from River, who had a friend doing the same thing found in a river...I don't know if your a parent and yes, I am pacing back and fourth right now trying to think of what is right, trying to call all the numbers....I really am just...I don't even know the adjective to describe this!
What matters right now is for you to get help for yourself - period.
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Okay- What if you found out where your daughter was and then called the police on her? Have her locked up for a bit. She is using no? She is in an unsafe situation, no? Let the authorities step in.
If this were my daughter and I felt compelled to save her, I would call the police.
(At least have the police check in on her to see if she is in a safe situation)
If this were my daughter and I felt compelled to save her, I would call the police.
(At least have the police check in on her to see if she is in a safe situation)
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Yes, i am a parent. And while the post was perhaps unsettling, remember it' just a post on a message board. Bad things can happen to any of us at any time. What your daughter is doing could potentially be more dangerous, but then again you really don't even know exactly what she is doing. And even if you did know you couldn't change it at this point.
What matters right now is for you to get help for yourself - period.
What matters right now is for you to get help for yourself - period.
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MN,
You can not do anything if she does not want to, you can not drag her away or kidnap a 20 your old girl.
She knows you find it dangerous what she is doing, she knows you are there for her if she wants out of it.
You can not do more.
You have to focus on remaining strong and sober, and be able to support your daughter when she chooses recovery.
You can not force this.
You can not do anything if she does not want to, you can not drag her away or kidnap a 20 your old girl.
She knows you find it dangerous what she is doing, she knows you are there for her if she wants out of it.
You can not do more.
You have to focus on remaining strong and sober, and be able to support your daughter when she chooses recovery.
You can not force this.
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She is an adult. You using your time to get sober is not selfish in the slightest. It's actually the best and only thing you can do for her.
Please go read some of the posts in the friends and family of addicts section and see all of the parents who are struggling with children with addiction problems. The consensus is there is nothing they can do unless the adult child actually wants help.
Please go read some of the posts in the friends and family of addicts section and see all of the parents who are struggling with children with addiction problems. The consensus is there is nothing they can do unless the adult child actually wants help.
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Originally Posted by MN81713
Ok, lets look at this...I just came back from class a couple hours ago, have therapy in AM, class again then work nights Thur-Sun with class Friday...so in all the time I am getting myself right....if something happens to her that in reality is my fault as a mom...do you not think that is a bit selfish? She needs me, she doesn't know it, like I didn't know it back 20 years ago....however, she may, as River said....end up in a river....there is a real thin line here between myself-getting better/being a mother-rescue..does that make sense?
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