Started drinking again
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Central California
Posts: 83
But you came back....so somewhere in your minds eye is a rationality or a brake. Thank god it still exists. Dont be too hard on yourself. It happens. It's what you do today and your "choice" of the outcome. Don't succumb and lean hard into that rational voice we ALL have but somehow too often conveniently ignore......
The Long and Winding Road....
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Brisbane QLD
Posts: 897
hey you are not the only one who has relapsed....I am thinking of you, as I am in a similar situation...theres strength in numbers thoug, and thats why I stay around here drinking or not
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
What I have read on this thread convinces me that what I have thought all along is true, namely that a good way to get sober and fight off a relapse is to share one's concerns, fears, hopes, with other recovering alcoholics, particularly those who are struggling just as you are. As someone said to me long long ago, "We're going to do this---together!" And we did. I've never forgotten that. This is a website, not a meeting, but it's still there, the concern, the good will, the pat on the back. It's a long path up a very high mountain and it's so good to have company on the trail.
W.
W.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Originally Posted by foolsgold66 
Where are ya lessg? Hoping this morning found you sans hangover?
There isn’t a minuscule piece of me that wishes I drank last night. Everything about living in sober mornings is wonderful. And yet, I know there will be a nasty skirmish coming later today with the Beast.
Before I meditated this morning I was thinking how disappointing it is to be back on Day 2; how it’s just another round of me telling myself things I already told myself a month ago, 6 months ago, a year. Today it’s that I love sober mornings. But letting myself go for a bit I realized that this repetition, this seemingly endless Groundhog Day, is maybe a good, healthy thing. It’s a kind of learned repetition. The rush of life, the torrent of emotions and distractions, takes us away again and again from what, maybe, we really know to be the important truths. And, maybe, through repetition, falling off the horse, getting back on, cursing yourself, letting yourself go, same thing, over and xxxxxing over – maybe actually that steady, regular effort is wherefrom true understand and knowledge comes.
Least that’s what I’m betting on this morning.
Thanks for checkin in peeps.
Stay strong.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
LessGravity: You wrote "But letting myself go for a bit I realized that this repetition, this seemingly endless Groundhog Day, is maybe a good, healthy thing. It’s a kind of learned repetition. The rush of life, the torrent of emotions and distractions, takes us away again and again from what, maybe, we really know to be the important truths. And, maybe, through repetition, falling off the horse, getting back on, cursing yourself, letting yourself go, same thing, over and xxxxxing over – maybe actually that steady, regular effort is wherefrom true understand and knowledge comes."
This is the first time I've ever heard this one. That's it's actually a good thing to fall off the horse (wagon?). A real learning experience! A road to wisdom! You also mentioned the "Beast". Did the Beast dream this one up? What a clever old Beast it is! Relapses are actually good for recovering alcoholics because it's a learning experience. I 'm reminded of the flagellants of the Middle Ages, who sought to achieve sanctity by flogging themselves with whips.
I used to ride horses a lot and I was always aware that falling off a horse might kill you. At the age of 12 I fell off the rear of a horse and broke my collarbone. Since then I fell off all kinds of horses many many times. It's what I often did when I was in a Pink Cloud! LessGravity! Be careful if you're about to hit the ground!
W.
This is the first time I've ever heard this one. That's it's actually a good thing to fall off the horse (wagon?). A real learning experience! A road to wisdom! You also mentioned the "Beast". Did the Beast dream this one up? What a clever old Beast it is! Relapses are actually good for recovering alcoholics because it's a learning experience. I 'm reminded of the flagellants of the Middle Ages, who sought to achieve sanctity by flogging themselves with whips.
I used to ride horses a lot and I was always aware that falling off a horse might kill you. At the age of 12 I fell off the rear of a horse and broke my collarbone. Since then I fell off all kinds of horses many many times. It's what I often did when I was in a Pink Cloud! LessGravity! Be careful if you're about to hit the ground!
W.
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Originally Posted by wpainterw
LessGravity: You wrote "But letting myself go for a bit I realized that this repetition, this seemingly endless Groundhog Day, is maybe a good, healthy thing. It’s a kind of learned repetition. The rush of life, the torrent of emotions and distractions, takes us away again and again from what, maybe, we really know to be the important truths. And, maybe, through repetition, falling off the horse, getting back on, cursing yourself, letting yourself go, same thing, over and xxxxxing over – maybe actually that steady, regular effort is wherefrom true understand and knowledge comes."
This is the first time I've ever heard this one. That's it's actually a good thing to fall off the horse (wagon?). A real learning experience! A road to wisdom! You also mentioned the "Beast". Did the Beast dream this one up? What a clever old Beast it is! Relapses are actually good for recovering alcoholics because it's a learning experience. I 'm reminded of the flagellants of the Middle Ages, who sought to achieve sanctity by flogging themselves with whips.
I used to ride horses a lot and I was always aware that falling off a horse might kill you. At the age of 12 I fell off the rear of a horse and broke my collarbone. Since then I fell off all kinds of horses many many times. It's what I often did when I was in a Pink Cloud! LessGravity! Be careful if you're about to hit the ground!
W.
This is the first time I've ever heard this one. That's it's actually a good thing to fall off the horse (wagon?). A real learning experience! A road to wisdom! You also mentioned the "Beast". Did the Beast dream this one up? What a clever old Beast it is! Relapses are actually good for recovering alcoholics because it's a learning experience. I 'm reminded of the flagellants of the Middle Ages, who sought to achieve sanctity by flogging themselves with whips.
I used to ride horses a lot and I was always aware that falling off a horse might kill you. At the age of 12 I fell off the rear of a horse and broke my collarbone. Since then I fell off all kinds of horses many many times. It's what I often did when I was in a Pink Cloud! LessGravity! Be careful if you're about to hit the ground!
W.
I meant letting my "self" go, meditating, letting go of beating myself up and wanting to give up again because it's just day 2, again. I completely agree with you. I do not mean falling off the horse/wagon/house/skateboard is anything but painful. I just found a takeaway, a positive one, that made what felt like Groundhog Day again, not so bad.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
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Lessgravity:
That's so nice to hear. I was just thinking back to years and years ago when, in the first few weeks of recovery, I was feeling so much better physically and emotionally that the greatest risk was that I may have become overconfident. I didn't know much about the "Beast" in those days, but I sure felt that something had been stalking me in the jungle. If I'd been listening more closely I might have been able to hear the Beast chuckle softly to itself, "Let him run free for a bit. We've got plenty of time. Eventually they become overconfident. Eventually there's a party, a wedding or even a funeral and they say, "We can handle it now. We're back in control. I can have just one. Or, maybe, well two...." "Pretty soon they're back on the leash, busily on their way to the liquor store, trying to evade those flashing red lights in the rear view mirror, chewing the mints to disguise the breath, so many bottles to hide!"
That's the Beast. And the scary part of it is that it's not out there. It's inside the brain. Now how do you deal with that? Maybe it's like the old Gorilla joke, "How do you deal with a Gorilla?" Answer. "Very carefully!"
W.
That's so nice to hear. I was just thinking back to years and years ago when, in the first few weeks of recovery, I was feeling so much better physically and emotionally that the greatest risk was that I may have become overconfident. I didn't know much about the "Beast" in those days, but I sure felt that something had been stalking me in the jungle. If I'd been listening more closely I might have been able to hear the Beast chuckle softly to itself, "Let him run free for a bit. We've got plenty of time. Eventually they become overconfident. Eventually there's a party, a wedding or even a funeral and they say, "We can handle it now. We're back in control. I can have just one. Or, maybe, well two...." "Pretty soon they're back on the leash, busily on their way to the liquor store, trying to evade those flashing red lights in the rear view mirror, chewing the mints to disguise the breath, so many bottles to hide!"
That's the Beast. And the scary part of it is that it's not out there. It's inside the brain. Now how do you deal with that? Maybe it's like the old Gorilla joke, "How do you deal with a Gorilla?" Answer. "Very carefully!"
W.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Another sober day here. No way I'm drinking tonight.
Was going through some old posts of people who have responded to me and people who I always have admired in their responses to other's posts and I feel ridiculously inspired by the bravery, commitment, humility, strength and honesty of you guys. Although so much of us carry the weight of regret and sadness and guilt - there are so many people here who have many things, be they huge or small in the scheme of it all, to be genuinely proud of.
Here's to a sober weekend. Day 3. Thank you all.
Was going through some old posts of people who have responded to me and people who I always have admired in their responses to other's posts and I feel ridiculously inspired by the bravery, commitment, humility, strength and honesty of you guys. Although so much of us carry the weight of regret and sadness and guilt - there are so many people here who have many things, be they huge or small in the scheme of it all, to be genuinely proud of.
Here's to a sober weekend. Day 3. Thank you all.
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