Nuudawn

Self pity is probably one of my biggest triggers LG. What's a pity party without a drink? Well, it's just me sitting around feeling sorry for myself in a dark abyss of negativity.

Throw the past, your day counts, your coulda, shoulda, woulda's, your self judgement and the alcohol in the trash. Sober up ...now. Now is all that's important. It's all you have control over, it's all you have the authority to do anything with. Commit to being sober right now. You don't have to think about tomorrow or if you will drink at Aunt Bessie's anniversary party or when you go to Spain or for any other moment other than right now. Sober up in the now and stay in the now.

lessgravity

More great stuff.

I can barely breathe this morning and have been up sitting with The Darkness since 4am. It's just not worth it.

I'm not picking up today. I'm just not going to.

Babs78756

Less gravity. Today is day 2 for me and I'm in the same hole you find yourself in. But we can stop this insanity. Whatever measures necessary to stay sober today. Don't drink. Get some sober hours under your belt and then start to piece together a larger plan. It's minutes and hours that soon become days. We are not flawed or bad people. We have a problem but we have to take it out of the shadows. We can do this! Just know there's someone out there you've never met who's pulling for you and using that energy to fuel my own sobriety.

Mountainmanbob

yes

king alcohol sometimes known as the liquid devil is out to get us

FourSeasons

Good Morning Less,

Don't forget what was tomorrow is now today!!!

Best to you, FS

dwtbd

You can do this, focus on the 'now' and all the nows all day, maybe when you get home mark your favorite glass with "4 am darkness"?
wish you well

Mizzuno

Is the barely breathing due to anxiety? I would agree with you that drinking is not worth it. Lets give this another try!

lessgravity

Yeah, anxiety. I have an extremely pressurized and stressful job, even if one doesn't go in hungover every day. Since I do, I'm behind on stuff and it just piles up. Anxiety is a mofo.

lessgravity

Thanks for this Babs. Let's check in and stay strong.

Nuudawn

Rootin for ya LG. I hope you find that place where drinking in your present becomes simply non negotiable. What other "go to's" ya got when the anxiety and cravings hit?

lessgravity

Like others have agreed with, the whole thing of giving in to a drink flips the switch.

I continue to drink. I'm posting in honesty because I want to remember all of this, after it all goes away, and I can say that was me but I'm no longer that anymore.

ScottFromWI

You may be posting it honesty here LG, but you aren't being honest with yourself. I hope the day comes when you can and put down the bottle.

Dee74

I really believed that, too.

I believed that once I drank, there was no chance of me stopping.

BS.
I know that now..

It's your addiction driving, less, not you.

You can stop, anytime you like less - really.
It's not actually a one way switch at all.

If you make a commitment not to raise the glass to your lips again, no matter how much of a tantrum your addiction puts on...if you stop drinking, the bender's over - and there's not one damn thing your addiction can do about it.

It won't be pleasant, it won't be fun, but you could stop right now, and feel better tomorrow for it.

Scott makes a great point. I wonder if your addiction's convinced you that being honest here about what's going on is enough?

cos it's really not, less.

Self destruction is never a virtue - no matter how you wrap it up - especially when it can be avoided.

Neither is putting off the inevitable decision you have to make to embrace sobriety.

The ball's in your court.

D

foolsgold66

This is a beautiful post you wrote. It meant something to me. 'I walk with my head up'. That's when I teared up a little. Perhaps it will help you to read what your wrote again.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4173816

lessgravity

Fools, thank you so much for that. I read it this morning and want to carry that feeling with me today.

Thank you all, as usual.

SnoozyQ

Nice posts AlphaO. Xxx

alphaomega

Less - I have been thinking about you this morning, hoping upon hope that today is going to be your day. I know how easy it is to say f it, and carry on in the sess pool of misery and woe. But, my beautiful fellow souldier , you gotta hoist your cross up and carry that sucker like its nobody's business.

Stop making excuses and find your footing again.

All we have is today. How about you just don't drink today ? You can drink tomorrow if you want to. Great thing about this disease is that any time of your chosing, you can have a full refund on your misery.

Just today.

lessgravity

AO,
I went back and looked through some of your threads. My lord does the one from 6/11 strike me deeply - we are kindred drunks, albeit of different sex. Your style of chasing down the poison was so similar to mine.

Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. You are an inspiration.

I'm not drinking today.

wpainterw

There's lots of stuff you can learn about relapses. Just google this or explore relapse posts on this SR website. Relapses can be set up well in advance. "My wife is going on a trip out of town. I'll be here alone. I'll miss her and maybe have just one or two drinks to cheer myself up..."
Relapses are quite common in recovery. And part of the relapse is to think, "Well I stumbled and fell on my climb up the mountain. I'm back at the bottom of the trail again and it looks so steep and I'm so tired, so I'll sit here and take a drink or two to gather my wits..."
You're not back at the bottom of the trail. You're right where you stumbled. So get back on your feet and figure ways to keep on that trail without stumbling. There is no "Square One". There is only where you fell today and where you can pick yourself up and take more care that it doesn't happen over again.

W.

Babs78756

Lessgravity- I'm hoping and pulling for you that today is your day! Day 3 for me today and I've thought about you. Saying a quiet little prayer that you can get back on it. So true what AO says, you gotta hoist that cross and carry that sucker like nobody's business. We all have one to bare. This is ours (or one of them).

PLease keep checking in and let us know how you do throughout the day. WE're all 'pretending to work' and checking in on you!