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No more wine

Old 04-28-2013, 06:05 PM
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No more wine

Hi
I have been searching for an online sober living forum and have finally found this one.
It's time. Time to pull the pin on my love affair with wine. It has started to wind its way into my life more and more lately and I don't like it (well I do, otherwise I wouldn't drink it, I don't like what it does).
I drink at home, not while out partying, having a good time. Just lulling around on my lounge at home, when the kids are in bed.

That's right, I have 3 kids (8, 6 and 3.5). I don't start drinking until they are in bed because I can't relax and enjoy it otherwise. I used to drink a bottle of wine but have slowly moved onto a bottle and a glass from another to get the same kick. Sometimes I will go a bottle and a half than I stop. I do have a "tiny" bit of control but that's it.

I only stop so as to be able to be reasonably "active" the following day (ie, not comatose hungover). I'm still pretty grumpy and tired though and would kill for an afternoon nap and try my best to get it.

There are so many things I would like to do but just can't be bothered due to feeling rubbish most of the time early in the morning.

I "try" to not drink every night but this is slowly slipping from my control. I try for one night on, one night off but it's more like 3 or 4 on, one off. This is not healthy for my wallet let alone my overall health.

There are 2 very, very important reasons for me to stop this path of destruction.

1) I am type 1 diabetic, newly diagnosed last January. You'd think this would be enough to stop, but no unfortunately it hasn't been.
2) My youngest child is fighting cancer. It is his second fight and I think it is this that has escalated my drinking. As with the diabetes you'd think this would be a number 1 reason to stop but it's a number 1 reason to hide every night behind a bottle of wine. Wasting precious time during the day just hanging around at home because I can't be arsed doing anything exciting due to rubbish feeling. My most sober nights are when I'm in hospital with him.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I cannot socially drink. It's go all the way or don't bother starting. I believe this is learned behaviour from my teenage days binge drinking, I just never stopped it only changed from being on the weekend to including week days.
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Old 04-28-2013, 07:08 PM
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Welcome to SR, Caszee. First off, I'm sorry about your youngest..that has to be beyond difficult to handle. Hugs to you. My situation was much like yours, in that I did my drinking after the kids went to bed, as a way to relax and "reward" myself. Mostly wine, always at night, staying up too late and feeling like crap the next day. I'd finally had enough, found this site, got some great support, read books, etc. (I'm at 21 mos. sober.) I'm so grateful for SR and the people here...stick around, post and read, get face to support if you need it. You can do this!!
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Old 04-28-2013, 07:14 PM
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Welcome, and I'm so very sorry about your child. It must be so difficult.

I hope you decide to stop drinking and living a sober life.
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Old 04-28-2013, 07:27 PM
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Caszee,
I too drank wine at home in the evenings and could finish a bottle on my own. I tried to moderate drinking in the summer of 2011, but gradually resumed drinking every day. My daughter had two operations in a year, and I stayed with her both times, and would feel guilty when I'd find myself thinking of wine.

I quit all alcohol, but wine was my thing, last June. The first week was tough, but I found quitting to be easier than moderating and I feel so much better.

I work in a pre-school, so am particularly touched my your young son's plight. Keep posting
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Old 04-28-2013, 07:33 PM
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Welcome to SR. I am in the new phase of sobriety and my drink of choice was wine. I drank the amount you do everyday for many years. I am glad you made the choice to stop drinking.

I am so sorry about your son and hope and pray for remission.

Stay strong and you will be surprised at the changes.
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Old 04-28-2013, 08:04 PM
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Caszee I'm very sorry about your youngest child, that must be so hard.

My drinking story was similar to yours -- a bottle of wine, then a bottle and a glass, then a bottle and a half and so on. I had that weeny bit of control too where I'd stop (most times) so I could "function" the next day but could kill for an afternoon nap which I very rarely could have.

It all stopped 51 days ago, just over seven weeks. My health has completed turned around, I'm far more energetic and I sleep well at night. I get so much done each day I stun myself.

For me the big thing was not to just take away the wine but replace it with non-alcoholic options and different things to do. You can do it.
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Old 04-28-2013, 08:12 PM
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Welcome Caszee. I think you'll really enjoy being here with us - SR helped me quit after drinking my whole life. It was a huge relief to not feel alone anymore.

It's wise of you to see where your drinking is headed. I drank in a similar way, and at the end of my drinking career I was drinking all day. Over time I became completely dependent on it. I didn't reach out for help the way you are - I kept trying to control the amounts I drank, and my life became a nightmare.

I, too, am so sorry about your son's illness. I understand you wanting to get numb for a bit, but in the end it backfires on us. I know you see what it's doing to you and that's why you're here. You can do this, Caszee.
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Old 04-29-2013, 05:32 AM
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Thanks every one.
I guess the turning point for me has been the fact that the buzz I used to get from a bottle of wine isn't happening anymore hence the moving on to drinking more.
I remember a time where a bottle of wine would knock me out with a hangover all day the next day. Now I get up, get kids ready for school, drive them to school and fear that my breath still smells like wine even though I've had breakfast and brushed my teeth etc.

I also like wine because I have become expert at knowing how much I need to feel good and when to stop to function "normally" the next day. I've never moved onto spirits (although I don't mind a G&T on a Saturday evening).

Having a child with cancer would seem like the best excuse to drink to oblivion and hide behind the bottle at the reality of my life. But it is the BEST excuse to not drink, to not remember living these years in a hungover state.

Wine, I will miss you.
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Old 04-29-2013, 05:42 AM
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Caszee,
Lean on us for a bit.....we've been there. Have a good Monday
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Old 04-29-2013, 07:44 AM
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Caszee,
I am also very sorry to hear about your youngest. This is my first post. When I read your post I could not believe your story as your story is my story in regards to drinking wine. My health is also starting to fail (Liver enzymes are above normal).

I am up to 2+ bottles a night and do exactly what you do..3 or 4 (sometimes 5 or 6) days on, one day off. Two days is hard to do (Today is day 2!). Just hoping to make it through today. I haven't completed 3 days off in probably 3-4 years.

I usually wait until my wife goes to bed but also don't have a problem "starting" with a glass of wine at dinner (just not every night since my wife would think I have a problem...hiding).

I also cannot socially drink...all or nothing here too.

I will need some help to get through this. Let's do this together.

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Old 04-29-2013, 07:54 AM
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I love the support in this post, and Caszee, you are not alone. I got myself up to a bottle a night, and then I would tap into other reserves when the bottle was empty. Usually by that 1st glass of something after the bottle was empty, I'd have to stop. I have 2 kids, and I at least knew that tomorrow would suffer majorly if I didn't get to bed and sleep off as much as I could. Many of us wait until the kids go to bed to indulge, and many of us want to be rewarded for long days, but there are much better rewards. There is the reward of sobriety in itself that can then motivate us to try new things and even finish things we've left undone. Relationships that need mending, closets that need cleaning, and that class you've been wanting to take with a spot open just for you. We can do this! Just believe in yourself to get through each moment!

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Old 04-29-2013, 08:03 AM
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I gave up on drinking wine by the bottle and started buying boxes. I figured that I could make a 4 bottle box last a week and save money. Of course with the box you could never tell exactly how much you were drinking. When they started getting empty after 3 days I would buy 3 at a time, so I wouldn't run out. Of course some days I'd have a few drinks with the boys after work and then hit the wine after I got home.

Eventually I realized that the bad mornings were getting worse. I was more depressed and had withdrawn more. My weight had increased and I was less inclined to do anything. Despite my love of drinking I realized I had to change.

Fortunately with the support of folks here, and AA, I've now made a year without a drink. It is possible to live a sober life - one day at a time. Eventually the days add up and you find out your life has changed, and continues to change, without you even knowing what your new life would be like.

Good luck everyone.
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Old 04-29-2013, 12:22 PM
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I gave up drinking over three years ago and my life has never been better. I'm no longer wasting time or money and not risking my health.

I'm glad you found us and joined the family!
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Old 04-29-2013, 12:32 PM
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Hi Caszee and welcome to SR. (sorry about your son's illness)

I too was a bottle/two bottle wine drinker about 5 nights a week. Like most, progressed from one glass to 2 bottles over 6 years. I'm sober about 10 weeks. It has been very hard to conquer this habit. I had to change my behaviour/patterns and my thinking (still working on them of course). I also attend couple support meetings a week and have SR. I don't think I could have just stopped without these supports, to keep me focussed on sobriety. Each evening after work, I would get myself a cuppa (tea) and indulge in SR up until bedtime (that covered my usual wine drinking time). The habit to reach for a bottle has now passed. Of course the hard work to stay sober will remain, but the early days are crucial, and I found needed a plan. Best wishes to you.
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Old 04-29-2013, 12:55 PM
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Hi,

I just joined today and have a love affair with my wine, as well. This seems like a very warm and active support group and I am confident that we can all better ourselves by being her. I am also very sorry about your son. I have worked in healthcare for many years and have seen many fabulous out comes in the cancer battle. Stay strong and healthy!
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Old 04-29-2013, 01:22 PM
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I also am a wine drinker. Worked up to one bottle of wine, then to two bottles every day. Often times I'd have drink one bottle then the liquor store would close so then I'd drive to the convenience store around the corner (yes, under the influence) to get beers. That's how I knew I was completely out of control. I'm completely sickened with myself that I'd put others' lives at risk when I was drinking. Now I know that if I drink, I'll wind up behind the wheel. To make it even worse I take 3mg of ativan everyday combined with other 3 other antidepressants- a lethal combo.
However, last night I slipped up and drank after being sober for a bit. My husband was going out to a concert so I put my car keys in his glove compartment so I couldn't drive (without him knowing). That's how I know that I just can't drink!!! It's not worth the risk.
I'm so glad that you recognized you had a problem before it got worse. Best wishes and support.
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Old 04-29-2013, 02:21 PM
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Well done Caszee you are totally doing the right thing. Big respect and kudos for recognising the problem in the first place and being prepared to tackle it head on. This is the place if you want to get support and hear from people who are going through similar things to you.

Good for you and stay strong xx
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Old 04-30-2013, 12:08 AM
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Loving the support here already.
Thank you.
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Old 04-30-2013, 12:14 AM
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Sorry Caszee for all of your troubles!
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