Welcome Caszee. I think you'll really enjoy being here with us - SR helped me quit after drinking my whole life. It was a huge relief to not feel alone anymore.
It's wise of you to see where your drinking is headed. I drank in a similar way, and at the end of my drinking career I was drinking all day. Over time I became completely dependent on it. I didn't reach out for help the way you are - I kept trying to control the amounts I drank, and my life became a nightmare.
I, too, am so sorry about your son's illness. I understand you wanting to get numb for a bit, but in the end it backfires on us. I know you see what it's doing to you and that's why you're here. You can do this, Caszee.
