Welcome to SR, Caszee. First off, I'm sorry about your youngest..that has to be beyond difficult to handle. Hugs to you. My situation was much like yours, in that I did my drinking after the kids went to bed, as a way to relax and "reward" myself. Mostly wine, always at night, staying up too late and feeling like crap the next day. I'd finally had enough, found this site, got some great support, read books, etc. (I'm at 21 mos. sober.) I'm so grateful for SR and the people here...stick around, post and read, get face to support if you need it. You can do this!!