Alright Today is the Day It Begins!!
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Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki 
Paul,
I have to throw my 2 cents in here and then leave the thread.
I think it is wrong of you to continue to post about your drinking - this is a forum for people that are trying to abstain from alcohol - I see no consistent effort on your part to abstain. You get hostile towards anyone that doesn't agree with you - like - get off my thread - I am here for me - and if you aren't on my side - go away. I think it is unrealistic for you to expect support when you continue to post about YOUR DRINKING and how much you want to stop but will DO NOTHING about stopping.
The longer you continue to post more of this "journal of drinking/not drinking", the more angry people will become - people that are working very, very hard to abstain.
Can't you hear how people are getting fed up with your posts? They want to be supportive but you do not let them.
Hope you decide to abstain before you hit rock bottom. That is a very bad place to go - been there - done that - now I'm 8 months sober and loving life. I truly wish that for you, but you need to change what you are doing - it is not working.
Best,
Pam
I have to throw my 2 cents in here and then leave the thread.
I think it is wrong of you to continue to post about your drinking - this is a forum for people that are trying to abstain from alcohol - I see no consistent effort on your part to abstain. You get hostile towards anyone that doesn't agree with you - like - get off my thread - I am here for me - and if you aren't on my side - go away. I think it is unrealistic for you to expect support when you continue to post about YOUR DRINKING and how much you want to stop but will DO NOTHING about stopping.
The longer you continue to post more of this "journal of drinking/not drinking", the more angry people will become - people that are working very, very hard to abstain.
Can't you hear how people are getting fed up with your posts? They want to be supportive but you do not let them.
Hope you decide to abstain before you hit rock bottom. That is a very bad place to go - been there - done that - now I'm 8 months sober and loving life. I truly wish that for you, but you need to change what you are doing - it is not working.
Best,
Pam
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Paul...I think there is a great deal of support here. Keep posting!! I have read through your posts. I think where people get confused is when you indicate in one of your posts that 3 months ago you admitted you were an alcoholic and then state 'alcohol is not in control of my life'.
From reading your posts it would appear that alcohol is in control. For me that has been and is the hardest part so far. Actually to admit that yes, 'I have a problem'.
It is hard for many of the people here to see this seesaw exercise as they have been through it. Moderation is just slowing down the inevitable.
Hope you still post. Wishing the best for you.
Jim
From reading your posts it would appear that alcohol is in control. For me that has been and is the hardest part so far. Actually to admit that yes, 'I have a problem'.
It is hard for many of the people here to see this seesaw exercise as they have been through it. Moderation is just slowing down the inevitable.
Hope you still post. Wishing the best for you.
Jim
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Originally Posted by soberjim
Paul...I think there is a great deal of support here. Keep posting!! I have read through your posts. I think where people get confused is when you indicate in one of your posts that 3 months ago you admitted you were an alcoholic and then state 'alcohol is not in control of my life'.
From reading your posts it would appear that alcohol is in control. For me that has been and is the hardest part so far. Actually to admit that yes, 'I have a problem'.
It is hard for many of the people here to see this seesaw exercise as they have been through it. Moderation is just slowing down the inevitable.
Hope you still post. Wishing the best for you.
Jim
From reading your posts it would appear that alcohol is in control. For me that has been and is the hardest part so far. Actually to admit that yes, 'I have a problem'.
It is hard for many of the people here to see this seesaw exercise as they have been through it. Moderation is just slowing down the inevitable.
Hope you still post. Wishing the best for you.
Jim
Anyways, thanks for the post! And I fully admit... "I have a problem"!
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Originally Posted by pauladmits
it doesn't control my life like it used to
Addiction isn't heavy usage, addiction is lack of control. You were drinking more last time you were here, but you were pretty much able to commit to a taper schedule and did fairly easily a number of sober days until your break up caused you to go back to drinking.
These days, while your goal from the start was sobriety, you struggle to go one day without booze.
For what it's worth, unlike most on this forum, I don't believe moderation is impossible for all people with drinking problems... but everyone I know who was able to go back to light drinking and not backslide did a year or two of sobriety first. If you struggle to abstain for one day, it shouldn't be your goal.
Incidentally, and this is completely off-topic, experience has taught me that a girl who dumped you once will dump you again sooner or later. I think a clean but final break-up would be best.
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Originally Posted by Someguy23
To be honest, I think you're more addicted now than you were before.
Addiction isn't heavy usage, addiction is lack of control. You were drinking more last time you were here, but you were pretty much able to commit to a taper schedule and did fairly easily a number of sober days until your break up caused you to go back to drinking.
These days, while your goal from the start was sobriety, you struggle to go one day without booze.
For what it's worth, unlike most on this forum, I don't believe moderation is impossible for all people with drinking problems... but everyone I know who was able to go back to light drinking and not backslide did a year or two of sobriety first. If you struggle to abstain for one day, it shouldn't be your goal.
Incidentally, and this is completely off-topic, experience has taught me that a girl who dumped you once will dump you again sooner or later. I think a clean but final break-up would be best.
Addiction isn't heavy usage, addiction is lack of control. You were drinking more last time you were here, but you were pretty much able to commit to a taper schedule and did fairly easily a number of sober days until your break up caused you to go back to drinking.
These days, while your goal from the start was sobriety, you struggle to go one day without booze.
For what it's worth, unlike most on this forum, I don't believe moderation is impossible for all people with drinking problems... but everyone I know who was able to go back to light drinking and not backslide did a year or two of sobriety first. If you struggle to abstain for one day, it shouldn't be your goal.
Incidentally, and this is completely off-topic, experience has taught me that a girl who dumped you once will dump you again sooner or later. I think a clean but final break-up would be best.
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Oh no, I'm doing it again. Alright... I'm gonna refrain from replying to any posts that aren't positive in nature. There is no reason to get caught up in this right now. I apologize for my behavior to everyone else.
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Originally Posted by pauladmits
But thanks for the comment! You guys are such good people on this site!
From a distance, it does seem that you are less in control than you used to be. You're the one best placed to decide about that of course.
If it was my comment about your relationship that you thought was offensive, I was just telling you what has been my (and all of my friend's) experience. A dynamic like that wouldn't work for me, and I'm not sure it's working for you considering that you took the last break up pretty badly.
In any case, I wish you the best of luck. We're both fighting the same dragon here.
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Originally Posted by Someguy23
pauladmits, I'm not sure what exactly in my post offended you, but I assure you I wasn't trying to be snarky or to put you down. I'm honestly sorry that I came off that way.
From a distance, it does seem that you are less in control than you used to be. You're the one best placed to decide about that of course.
If it was my comment about your relationship that you thought was offensive, I was just telling you what has been my (and all of my friend's) experience. A dynamic like that wouldn't work for me, and I'm not sure it's working for you considering that you took the last break up pretty badly.
In any case, I wish you the best of luck. We're both fighting the same dragon here.
From a distance, it does seem that you are less in control than you used to be. You're the one best placed to decide about that of course.
If it was my comment about your relationship that you thought was offensive, I was just telling you what has been my (and all of my friend's) experience. A dynamic like that wouldn't work for me, and I'm not sure it's working for you considering that you took the last break up pretty badly.
In any case, I wish you the best of luck. We're both fighting the same dragon here.
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It's cool, I think everyone here is aware of how moody and thin-skinned alcohol can make you.
I think you should re-read everyone's replies when you're in a better mood though, especially the ones that upset you. I just re-read the whole thread and I doubt anyone was trying to do anything other than help you out.
Speaking strictly for myself, I hope you'll stick around. When I joined this site, I was doing controlled drinking but I was still drinking. I gained a lot of support from it, learned a lot about dealing with alcohol and it motivated me to give sobriety a real chance.
I think you should re-read everyone's replies when you're in a better mood though, especially the ones that upset you. I just re-read the whole thread and I doubt anyone was trying to do anything other than help you out.
Speaking strictly for myself, I hope you'll stick around. When I joined this site, I was doing controlled drinking but I was still drinking. I gained a lot of support from it, learned a lot about dealing with alcohol and it motivated me to give sobriety a real chance.
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Originally Posted by Someguy23
It's cool, I think everyone here is aware of how moody and thin-skinned alcohol can make you.
I think you should re-read everyone's replies when you're in a better mood though, especially the ones that upset you. I just re-read the whole thread and I doubt anyone was trying to do anything other than help you out.
Speaking strictly for myself, I hope you'll stick around. When I joined this site, I was doing controlled drinking but I was still drinking. I gained a lot of support from it, learned a lot about dealing with alcohol and it motivated me to give sobriety a real chance.
I think you should re-read everyone's replies when you're in a better mood though, especially the ones that upset you. I just re-read the whole thread and I doubt anyone was trying to do anything other than help you out.
Speaking strictly for myself, I hope you'll stick around. When I joined this site, I was doing controlled drinking but I was still drinking. I gained a lot of support from it, learned a lot about dealing with alcohol and it motivated me to give sobriety a real chance.
Can't you hear how people are getting fed up with your posts?
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Paul,
I'm glad you're posting and I know it helps you. I'm also glad you've broken up with your girlfriend because she seemed to be a negative in your life.
I am going to ask you to put yourself in someone's place, for whom drinking is a matter of life and death. Some of our members have nearly died from drinking. So, it's understandable that they are somewhat upset when you talk about drinking from time to time. They are speaking their truth from their hearts. They are afraid for you. I hope you can understand that, and accept that their lack of positivity comes from a place of caring.
The people here at SR are wonderful people and we all have a lot to offer to you. I hope that you decide to stop drinking completely and for good, and begin to recover and be the person you want to be.
I'm glad you're posting and I know it helps you. I'm also glad you've broken up with your girlfriend because she seemed to be a negative in your life.
I am going to ask you to put yourself in someone's place, for whom drinking is a matter of life and death. Some of our members have nearly died from drinking. So, it's understandable that they are somewhat upset when you talk about drinking from time to time. They are speaking their truth from their hearts. They are afraid for you. I hope you can understand that, and accept that their lack of positivity comes from a place of caring.
The people here at SR are wonderful people and we all have a lot to offer to you. I hope that you decide to stop drinking completely and for good, and begin to recover and be the person you want to be.
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Hi Paul:
I myself don't believe it is anyone's intention to personally attack you. I think it is the circular thinking that is under scrutiny. In my own experience, circular thinking doesn't respond to positive or negative - it just is. We need to find the off ramp at some point.
I've worked with journals, and I believe they can show patterns in thinking and action. Expression of beliefs expose them to the light for scrutiny and I think that is what people are responding to; based on their own experiences in their own journeys.
Without a doubt, looking at the things that pop up in the journaling process can be extremely uncomfortable. It can feel like an attack, but the attack is directed to the compulsion that lives inside an alcoholic, which wiggles, and wriggles and jiggles inside ya (credit to Little Miss Muffet's spider). It isn't you.
I'm pretty confident everyone in this forum wants to see you succeed and is rooting for you.
I myself don't believe it is anyone's intention to personally attack you. I think it is the circular thinking that is under scrutiny. In my own experience, circular thinking doesn't respond to positive or negative - it just is. We need to find the off ramp at some point.
I've worked with journals, and I believe they can show patterns in thinking and action. Expression of beliefs expose them to the light for scrutiny and I think that is what people are responding to; based on their own experiences in their own journeys.
Without a doubt, looking at the things that pop up in the journaling process can be extremely uncomfortable. It can feel like an attack, but the attack is directed to the compulsion that lives inside an alcoholic, which wiggles, and wriggles and jiggles inside ya (credit to Little Miss Muffet's spider). It isn't you.
I'm pretty confident everyone in this forum wants to see you succeed and is rooting for you.
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If one person says, "the sky is purple, with pink polka-dots", but EVERYONE that person comes in contact with says, "the sky is blue." Well then, maybe...just maybe that "one person" should contemplate taking a step back and seriously consider there just might be some validity to the whole sky actually be blue thing. Granted, it's possible that "one person" may be correct, and everyone else is out of step with them, but that is most likely not going to be the case.
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It's now 8 oclock. I had to seriously chew up some time to get through the night. Was outside playing with the kids and the dog for a while. Watched some of the RNC with my dad. My gf just got off work 40 minutes ago and has called 8 times since. I think she has a feeling that I might be serious. I don't want to answer the call or talk. Gotta continue filling up my night. I wanted to watch the new Dr Seuss movie with the kids but they are going to bed because my nephew has his first day of Kindergarten tomorrow.
So I gotta fight through these next couple hours. I know when I wake up tomorrow everything will be in perspective and I can just slowly transition in to this new life. Rid myself of alcohol and the gf and just be whoever I want to be, learn whatever I want to learn. Anyways, I'd be lying if I didn't say things are eating away at me right now. I'm just trying to buy every minute I can get. My mind is going a mile a minute. Probably should play some NCAA football online. That wastes a lot of time and it goes by quick. Plus it takes your mind off everything.
So I gotta fight through these next couple hours. I know when I wake up tomorrow everything will be in perspective and I can just slowly transition in to this new life. Rid myself of alcohol and the gf and just be whoever I want to be, learn whatever I want to learn. Anyways, I'd be lying if I didn't say things are eating away at me right now. I'm just trying to buy every minute I can get. My mind is going a mile a minute. Probably should play some NCAA football online. That wastes a lot of time and it goes by quick. Plus it takes your mind off everything.
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Originally Posted by wheresthefun
If one person says, "the sky is purple, with pink polka-dots", but EVERYONE that person comes in contact with says, "the sky is blue." Well then, maybe...just maybe that "one person" should contemplate taking a step back and seriously consider there just might be some validity to the whole sky actually be blue thing. Granted, it's possible that "one person" may be correct, and everyone else is out of step with them, but that is most likely not going to be the case.
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All anyone wants for anyone on this website is sobriety, Paul. That's the entire purpose of this site - to encourage and support others towards long lasting sobriety.
I think it is unfair to call someone an elitist for suggesting that the majority of the advice on this board may in fact have some truth to it, when we're all here because we believe in the support given here. We trust it, and that's why we're here.
Nobody is here to attack you. But you can't expect people to encourage your drinking and be positive about it when that goes against everything this board stands for. I know you say that there are people on here who are being positive towards you despite not agreeing with your drinking, and that's great, but I think for a lot of us, we have such strong feelings on this because our lives have been totally ruined by alcohol and we've managed to get away from that.
People here are honest and that's the beauty of SR. But it seems to me that you don't want honesty. You want people to support you no matter what you drink because you think you have improved your life. I'm really pleased that your life is improving and that's fantastic, and although that's a very important part of sobriety, the main purpose of this website is for supporting people in the actual sobriety bit. I just don't understand how you're finding it difficult to appreciate that and are getting annoyed with people who are a little confused about you posting on a recovery website about drinking. I think people are mainly a little frustrated because you never seem to show any remorse for drinking, you just say something along the lines of you're not going to let it get you down because you're moving in the right direction. I think many people here can see that it isn't the right direction... because they've been in your shoes and felt/thought the same things and are advising you based on hindsight, so we're just trying to help and when we're pointing these things out to you, you get very offended. Nobody here is elitist, Paul, but there are people here with years and years of sobriety and a huge knowledge and understanding of their own sobriety and of those on SR. It's not elitist to expect those new to sobriety to take some of what they're saying on board.
I think it is unfair to call someone an elitist for suggesting that the majority of the advice on this board may in fact have some truth to it, when we're all here because we believe in the support given here. We trust it, and that's why we're here.
Nobody is here to attack you. But you can't expect people to encourage your drinking and be positive about it when that goes against everything this board stands for. I know you say that there are people on here who are being positive towards you despite not agreeing with your drinking, and that's great, but I think for a lot of us, we have such strong feelings on this because our lives have been totally ruined by alcohol and we've managed to get away from that.
People here are honest and that's the beauty of SR. But it seems to me that you don't want honesty. You want people to support you no matter what you drink because you think you have improved your life. I'm really pleased that your life is improving and that's fantastic, and although that's a very important part of sobriety, the main purpose of this website is for supporting people in the actual sobriety bit. I just don't understand how you're finding it difficult to appreciate that and are getting annoyed with people who are a little confused about you posting on a recovery website about drinking. I think people are mainly a little frustrated because you never seem to show any remorse for drinking, you just say something along the lines of you're not going to let it get you down because you're moving in the right direction. I think many people here can see that it isn't the right direction... because they've been in your shoes and felt/thought the same things and are advising you based on hindsight, so we're just trying to help and when we're pointing these things out to you, you get very offended. Nobody here is elitist, Paul, but there are people here with years and years of sobriety and a huge knowledge and understanding of their own sobriety and of those on SR. It's not elitist to expect those new to sobriety to take some of what they're saying on board.
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SR Elitists?
I found alcohol to be the great equalizer. It topples the upper crust just as effectively as it topples the bottom crust. An equal opportunity destroyer, if you will.
Ah, the joys of membership....
I found alcohol to be the great equalizer. It topples the upper crust just as effectively as it topples the bottom crust. An equal opportunity destroyer, if you will.
Ah, the joys of membership....
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