Kza

Sorry but AA etc. Does not remove the desire to drink. Just helps you deal with it. Allen Carrs book will not stop me wanting to drink.

pauladmits

This is not entirely true. I did not say I will not tolerate anything but posting on this thread. I said I would not go to counseling, AA, or the physician. I have read plenty of articles and other methods that people have posted here. I'm not against people offering suggestions on how to control the mind, how to do prevent cravings, etc. I simply do not want to go to AA or any place outside of the anonymous Internet.

NoFireWater

In the words of the Stones..you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need...I think applies to many of us who are actively trying to quit an addiction.

I don't think there's anything that will make you not want to drink anymore. If it existed, we wouldn't all be here. That's the bad news. The good news is, as time goes by you may find there are things you want more than those drinks.
The other bad news is, if you keep avoiding dealing with it when it's somewhat manageable, it can knock you to your knees and you'll be dealing with a far worse situation.

As for the girlfriend, set her and yourself free. When you choose to be with someone you can't stand, except for their looks, it's just not going to work. It might be an easy break up, it's probably not working for her either.

This is what is better than those few drinks for me...
Never worrying about being stopped for a dui
Losing the bloat, I hated the puffy face and body
Remembering every conversation I have
Feeling calm instead of anxious
Able to take care of people better
Giving my cats and boyfriend more attention
Having more money
Never feeling embarrassed about something I did after drinking

You mentioned being spoiled, and you're probably used to your parents fixing things and making things easier for you. They're not going to be able to fix this one.

You obviously want to make changes, and it sounds like you want to make very small changes that will bring big benefits to your life. It doesn't usually work that way, unfortunately...It's great you're here, posting, and thinking about it all. You'll figure out your own path as you go along.

EternalQ

Ok, Paul, I stand corrected then.

Dee74

I drank all day every day for years. Stopping that was difficult - probably the hardest thing I had to do - but it was possible.

I wanted to drink - drinking was the only thing I knew that helped me cope with my life...but wanted a new life more....I learned new ways of coping and a new way of living.

It took effort, commitment, and patience - but I did it.

The support ideas and encouragement I found here really helped me to not only do that, but beat the cravings too.

Look around, and you'll see it's possible for many many others here too, Kza

ps Allen Carrs book actually did a good job in me wanting not to drink anymore

D

Kza

Right, I am going to read his book and post what I think.

Amy2011

When I decided I had enough and was done drinking I found a program of recovery, I committed to it, and followed through no matter what. I used AA because I needed a live support system and I wanted to follow the example of others who were successfully living a life of recovery. There are lots of programs of recovery to chose from, but the key is to commit and follow through no matter what. Part of my recovery was changing my social life and involving my family and close friends in my decision to get sober. I stopped going out to dinner and hanging out with friends for awhile until I was comfortable enough in my sobriety to not drink in social situations. Choosing sobriety isn't always easy, but I play the tape in my head and that drink never takes me anywhere good. Drinking stopped being fun for me al ong time ago. Involving my family and friends in my committment to sobriety made me accountable to someone else besides myself because that wasn't working so great for me. I really hope you find what you are searching for someday. Rememebr nothing changes if nothing changes

changer

paul, i am wondering- do you want to stop drinking, or do you want to stop wanting to drink?
not trying to be antagonistic, i think it's a good question to consider.
i remember wanting to stop wanting to drink. very badly.
hil

pauladmits

That's a very good question. I want to stop being controlled by it regardless of the situation. If I slip up and take a sip I do not want that to end the battle and just give up and down an entire fifth just because I took a sip. I want to be able to continue talking to myself and rationalizing with myself that there is no reason for another drink. It provides no benefit to my life, it's not necessary, and I feel much better when I wake up with out that extra drink or any alcohol in my system at all.

I'm in this for the long haul and this is just the beginning. I first admitted I was an alcoholic 3 months ago. I made some amazing changes in my life since then and am doing a million times better. I realize that this is something that I can not do on my own though. When I'm on this site, it keeps me updated on my life and thought process. When I leave, I can easily just push off talking to myself tomorrow and then tomorrow, etc.

Right now alcohol is not in control of my life... and I want to keep it that way. If it gets to an uncontrollable point, that I feel I can not control, then I would be more than willing to seek additional help. But I have been pleased with the progress I have been making and I just wanted to continue this process. Maybe it will lead me to finally realize what all of you are saying and I just need to submit my entire mind, body, and soul to abstinence. But at least let me try couple things before it gets to that point!

Kza

Surely both. The wanting to drink is so dangerous and painful as everyone here knows. It is so undermining and no matter how much some people seem to say it goes away if only you believe in AA or Allen Carr, it does not.

Dee74

Feel free to start another thread kza. Looking forward to your comments

D

Zee

We are mainly a bunch of alkis trying to make sense of how we fell into the alcohol trap. I will have a year in 2 days time. I have just started reading Allen Carr (bought it from Amazon and it came in plain packaging ). Its very good. I also read quotes and threads in the 12 step department. I also read threads from the F&F department. Knowledge is power. I take bits from all the methods that make sense to me and read myself squinty here on SR. I'm only on the start of my journey of sobriety. You don't have to lose anonimity, just arm yourself with knowledge and tools.

Abetterway

HI,

Have to say. I leave my house a few times a week and hang out for an hour or so with other people who don't want to drink and I am coming up on 9 months of continuous sobriety. I don't want to drink. I want to live and spend my time with other people. That wasn't the case when I was drinking.

I hope everyone on the forum is having a lovely day. You've helped me to come this far.

Dovie0212

Why are you so against AA? I love all of this reading material I am seeing and the SMART and AVERT...what is AVERT and SMART and who is this Allen Carr person?? I am sure I could look it up

Anyway, Paul, I don't think you are finished drinking and if alcohol is not controlling your life then why are you on here? Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Good luck to you and your journey

Dee74

I'll send you some links Dovie - welcome to SR

D

pauladmits

I'm not against AA. I simply don't want to go to AA. And I'm here for preventative maintenance so I don't let it control my life.

Fandy

Killing time?

justhadenough

But if you are an alcoholic, as you say you are, then it is already in control of your life. 'Normal' drinkers don't have to put in all this time,maintenance and effort trying to control something.(I'm not suggesting AA btw,just referring to your last sentence)

For an alcoholic/problem drinker the only way of stopping alcohol controlling their life is to stop drinking,full stop,not moderation,limitation,2 beers. If it was that simple and worked we would all do it. I agree with a pp-I don't think you are done with drinking yet.

I don't think you are doing yourself any favours being in a relationship with a woman you don't even like? You sound like a positive,confident man with a good family and life. Yet being in a rel. with a woman you don't like shows very little self worth and respect. Maybe if you moved away from such a damaging relationship you would be in better position to rebuild your sober life. good luck

pauladmits

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! The battle continues. I had a solid day, got some work done, felt good, but once again it all came crashing down. We got a new dog today. A really small cute half Chihuahua half something better than a Chihuahua!! So I played with it outside for a while with my nephews and it crawled up to me while I was watching the news with my dad. We had some pizza for dinner as a family and it was good. Then my sister went out to get alcohol and got two bottles of chardonnay for my dad and I. I didn't resist once again.

At about 6 I took the dog and my two little nephews out for a walk... not gonna lie it feels good walking with two cute kids and a cute dog. People are abnormally nice!! But we went to a park and the kids played on the playground and I watched the dog. It was a lot of fun. The type of stuff I NEVER did before. This is why I keep saying my life has changed, because it really has. I hang out with my family, I help out around the house, I play with the kids, I watch movies and cartoons with them, I actually went out and got a present for my nephews bday. I was so bad off in the past that I wouldn't even get presents. I would just ask my parents to write my name on the gift. So things are a million times better than before.

BUT, couple problems still exist. Numero Uno is my girlfriend... the rest is alcohol!! When I got back from the park at about 7:30 my gf and I talked on the phone, she was gonna come to see the new dog and we just talked about our day. My dad opened up some wine and I started drinking while watching some political news. So about 8:30 she called and said she wasn't coming because she was gonna hang out with her friend in town. At about 9:30 I played a game of NCAA Football 2013 on Xbox!! Yes I'm a nerd, but that is the only video game I play, I'm not a "gamer"!! My passion is football. I actually got my little 3 year old nephew an authentic mini Wilson football for his bday!! He loves it so much!! Just carries it around and says "Unkel football!!" Then throws it at me out of control. I've never been so responsible in my life. Those kids have made me in to a different person.

I keep helping out around the house, I keep working hard, I take care of my finances, talk to friends, work out... things are going good. I am more active then I have been in years and I owe it to this site and those two months I was here. I'm not here for fights, I am a lost soul in need of support. I know I'm not welcomed here with my plan or how I deal with things, but that's just me. I'm not trying to fight with anyone or start any controversy. I feel in control and out of control at the same time. I just love the people I meet here that PM me and talk to me and just encourage me to keep trying to be a better person. I have many faults, I don't know what I'm doing, I just take it one day at a time just to keep trying.

Anyways, I ended up breaking up with my girlfriend tonight. I need this. I need this more than anything. She is not good for me! I do not want to be with her the rest of my life at all. But it kills me. I hate my effing impulses. I can't deal with anything like a normal person. Relationships, alcohol, gambling, caffeine, work, etc. I just have an addictive personality driven by impulses. I know full well that I should not be with this girl. If I ever had a dream wedding and a dream wife she would never even exist in that dream. But I'm still so caught up in this effing impulsive roller coaster that drags me from minute to minute, with every feeling there is.

I don't know what to say, I failed for the 3rd day in 4 days... but I don't want to stop. I need this journey and I need this site. It's the only thing keeping me from being alone with my thoughts. But to be honest, the most important thing in my life right now, is I need to end this relationship. I need to be by myself and just engage sobriety, accept failure, accept loneliness, and just build that life back up. There is nothing stopping anyone from being who they want to be! Gosh, I needed to write this!! I feel much better.

Veggiejojo

Hi Paul,

I am glad you feel better for writing, obvious question - have you told your family you are trying to cut down/quit?? I know I would struggle if someone put a bottle of wine in front of me in these early days, x