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Old 08-27-2012, 02:00 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by instant View Post
Ambivalence is normal.

Drinking will not get anyone sober

Alcohol is everywhere
But drinking might get someone less ambivalent...
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Old 08-27-2012, 02:03 AM
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That's why I can't make any promises, because I do not trust myself.
Noone trusts themselves , not in the beginning - but that's no reason not to make promises - especially to yourself.

It's possible to not drink - there's hundreds of us here - if you want it? If you're prepared to do what it takes? you can do it to .

I get there's a part of you that wants to drink. Welcome to the club.
Every one of us has felt like that.

Recovery's about wanting to change that - but it's also about doing the things necessary to change that

Trust isn't really an issue.

You'll get out of your recovery exactly what you put into it Paul.

D
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Old 08-27-2012, 02:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Noone trusts themselves , not in the beginning - but that's no reason not to make promises - especially to yourself.

It's possible to not drink - there's hundreds of us here - if you want it? If you're prepared to do what it takes? you can do it to .

I get there's a part of you that wants to drink. Welcome to the club.
Every one of us has felt like that.

Recovery's about wanting to change that - but it's also about doing the things necessary to change that

Trust isn't really an issue.

You'll get out of your recovery exactly what you put into it Paul.

D
I don't entirely get this. When it comes to promises, trust is the issue. I do not want to promise that I will never drink again and drink two days or 10 days later. I just do not believe in "promises". I believe in action. I can promise every day that I will never drink a sip of alcohol in my life, but I can also promise that I will probably break that promise. So what is the point? I want to develop a mentality that doesn't want to drink, not forces myself not to drink.

And I have really enjoyed my "recovery" so far because I have put a lot in to it.
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Old 08-27-2012, 02:20 AM
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Good luck and best wishes. keep posting and be honest with yourself. I'm here for the 2nd time, on day 9. I'm going to do it this time, hope you do too.

Gxx
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Old 08-27-2012, 02:23 AM
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Good luck Paul, I hope you find something that works for you, x
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Old 08-27-2012, 02:30 AM
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I've only been off alcohol for three days and I'm already deriving great joy from little things such as unloading dishwasher, ploughing through paperwork, sorting things that haven't been sorted for a very long time.

I am so glad to read your post and know I'm not alone :-)
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Old 08-27-2012, 02:59 AM
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It's so hard isn't it. I really really want to stop drinking,manage about 6 weeks then start again. I tell myself I'm obviously not committed enough even though I think I am. But if the same old stuff isn't working then I must need to do something different-not sure what though. I suppose if you tell yourself you aren't going to stop drinking then you won't stop. I tell myself I will stop and even that isn't enough
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Old 08-27-2012, 03:07 AM
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I don't entirely get this. When it comes to promises, trust is the issue. I do not want to promise that I will never drink again and drink two days or 10 days later. I just do not believe in "promises". I believe in action. I can promise every day that I will never drink a sip of alcohol in my life, but I can also promise that I will probably break that promise. So what is the point? I want to develop a mentality that doesn't want to drink, not forces myself not to drink.

And I have really enjoyed my "recovery" so far because I have put a lot in to it.
I agree....promises to other people aren't much chop....we show we mean it by action....but like I said, I meant promises to yourself -

Don't let yourself be deceived - you can make promises to yourself...and keep them - if you're prepared to do whatever it takes to back them up.

You don't need to wait until some mythical point when you're utterly convinced for sobriety either.

People, like me, lose everything and waste decades that way.
Some die waiting to reach that point.

I believe in action.
Good. Then don't wait Paul - go for it

D
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Old 08-27-2012, 03:34 AM
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the thing about booze, is that you THINK you can drink normal, but sooner or later you wind up back at the bottom of the pit...because if you are like me....there is NEVER enough wine, beer, vodka and all the experimenting in the world gives you that same old result.

i think going to bars and the whole social thing needs a major overhaul for you. at least for a few months. what's going to happen when the holidays hit you?
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Old 08-27-2012, 05:40 AM
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Paul,
I understand trying to be a person who doesn't WANT to drink, verses, forcing yourself to not drink. Initially I had to force myself to not drink, and now realize I'm evolving into a person who truly doesn't want to drink. I didn't plan this....just how it has worked out.
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Old 08-27-2012, 05:54 AM
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Paul, I think that your ambivalence is scary.

The disease of alcoholism loves ambivalence and thrives on ambivalence because it knows that you don't stand a chance when you're ambivalent.

I hope that you decide to stop drinking and live up to your potential.
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Old 08-27-2012, 06:14 AM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Paul:

I'm not going to suggest you go to any program, but I do want to mention that the program I personally like (SMART Recovery) looks at recovery as a process that has stages. These are:
  • Precontemplation (Not yet acknowledging that there is a problem behavior that needs to be changed)
  • Contemplation (Acknowledging that there is a problem but not yet ready or sure of wanting to make a change)
  • Preparation/Determination (Getting ready to change)
  • Action/Willpower (Changing behavior)
  • Maintenance (Maintaining the behavior change) and
  • Relapse (Returning to older behaviors and abandoning the new changes) (OPTIONAL!!!!)

I see you've been getting some comments here from folks who are nervous about your ambivalence. While I understand that sentiment, I view it more as an indication of where you are in the process of change. I don't think anything is wrong, I think it simply means you're in the Contemplation stage!

If you're interested, there are ways to try to push past this. You might try making a list of pro's and con's about your drinking, and seriously...write down the good things too. See what you come up with.
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Old 08-27-2012, 06:19 AM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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Paul, You will always have times you want to drink. At least for a very long time after stopping, you will. If you are waiting for the day that wanting alcohol stops before you quit, then you will not ever stop. You are addicted. By your own words, you are.

Is some miracle going to appear and stop your desire to drink, just by venting on SR? No, it won't. Have you spent time on SR lately encouraging others on SR? Because if you just vent, you also could get addicted to that, and then you will become upset when you don't recieve the kind of feedback you prefer.

May I suggest you try to spend at least half as much time on SR encouraging others as you do writing here, and see if that helps you crave less? Otherwise you are missing out on the power of SR to help you. Since your rules have restricted all suggestions outside of SR, then I offer that. It is within your guidelines.
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Old 08-27-2012, 06:34 AM
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Cunning, powerful, baffling, destructive and deceitful. Alcohol ruins the best of intentions in every aspect of living each and every day. Never say never. May you find the strength, guidance, and ability to become part of the sober life. Good luck, Paul.
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Old 08-27-2012, 07:45 AM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by pauladmits View Post
I don't entirely get this. When it comes to promises, trust is the issue. I do not want to promise that I will never drink again and drink two days or 10 days later. I just do not believe in "promises". I believe in action. I can promise every day that I will never drink a sip of alcohol in my life, but I can also promise that I will probably break that promise. So what is the point? I want to develop a mentality that doesn't want to drink, not forces myself not to drink.

And I have really enjoyed my "recovery" so far because I have put a lot in to it.
Do you think you are going to wake up one day and have just developed the mentality overnight that doesn't want to drink? For me, and what I've learned from others this only happens after an extended period of living life sober.

You seem to stay sober for couple of days then drink-surely this cycle will just continue unless something changes. I know you say you don't want posts which suggest alternatives but if you don't change anything then the cycle will just continue.
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Old 08-27-2012, 10:09 AM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by EternalQ View Post
Paul, You will always have times you want to drink. At least for a very long time after stopping, you will. If you are waiting for the day that wanting alcohol stops before you quit, then you will not ever stop. You are addicted. By your own words, you are.

Is some miracle going to appear and stop your desire to drink, just by venting on SR? No, it won't. Have you spent time on SR lately encouraging others on SR? Because if you just vent, you also could get addicted to that, and then you will become upset when you don't recieve the kind of feedback you prefer.

May I suggest you try to spend at least half as much time on SR encouraging others as you do writing here, and see if that helps you crave less? Otherwise you are missing out on the power of SR to help you. Since your rules have restricted all suggestions outside of SR, then I offer that. It is within your guidelines.
Well I sporadically try to encourage others. I just have a hard time giving other people advice or support when clearly I can't even keep my own house in order. I would like nothing more than to be able to share and help others out, I just don't want to be the do as I say, not as I do type person. And I do have conversations behind the scenes with others in an encouraging way. I don't view this as venting. I'm just trying to journal my thoughts.

For some reason I do much better when I'm doing this than when I'm not, so I like to just keep it going. Because regardless of me typing this stuff or not I still think it. I don't get the posts that imply I'm not trying... I am trying very hard, and if I slip up I want to be able to be honest about it, with out hiding from it and act like everything is all good.
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Old 08-27-2012, 12:07 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by justhadenough View Post
Do you think you are going to wake up one day and have just developed the mentality overnight that doesn't want to drink? For me, and what I've learned from others this only happens after an extended period of living life sober.

You seem to stay sober for couple of days then drink-surely this cycle will just continue unless something changes. I know you say you don't want posts which suggest alternatives but if you don't change anything then the cycle will just continue.
For some reason I have been slowly gaining that mentality. I know abstinence is the only acceptable method on this site, so even if I feel like I'm changing my drinking habits slowly, it's still not going to be accepted here. But in terms of where I was 3 months ago to where I am now, it's night and day. Yes, I still have not completely cut alcohol out of my life, but I'm making decisions on my own about not wanting to wake up with a hangover, controlling drinking if I slip up, stopping myself, leaving alcohol in the refrigerator, pouring out alcohol if I feel I can't stop, etc. I just feel all those decisions and days add up and slowly tilt you in the right direction. The only thing I know I do not want in my life is to be controlled by alcohol and stop living life because of it.
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Old 08-27-2012, 12:24 PM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Fandy View Post
the thing about booze, is that you THINK you can drink normal, but sooner or later you wind up back at the bottom of the pit...because if you are like me....there is NEVER enough wine, beer, vodka and all the experimenting in the world gives you that same old result.

i think going to bars and the whole social thing needs a major overhaul for you. at least for a few months. what's going to happen when the holidays hit you?
What's ironic is I drank much less going to the bar than I do at home. I had two beers the entire night. But I honestly do not go to the bar very much. I used to 3-4 times a week 3 years ago, but I've probably been to a bar maybe 4 times in the past 2 years. My problem is being alone, which is weird because it's the complete opposite of how I used to be. Couple years ago I would be fine being alone, but drank like a mad man when I was with friends. Now I drink alone and lock it up when I'm around friends. Mostly I think it's because of my gf. She doesn't drink and she doesn't like me drinking a lot going out, so when I'm with her I rarely drink very much. I'll get 2-3 beers at a restaurant if we have dinner, and that's about it.
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Old 08-27-2012, 12:33 PM
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Originally Posted by EternalQ View Post
Paul, You will always have times you want to drink. guidelines.
I know the above is true but it really gets me down. Having to fight all the time. It is exhausting.
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Old 08-27-2012, 01:16 PM
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Kza- There are programs that help you stop without the internal fighting. AA, AVRT, and "Alan Carr's book "The easy way to quit drinking" all help (in different ways, mind you) so that the inner battle is removed.

However, Paul has stated he will not tolerate any advice about anything but going on SR and posting on his thread. So therefore, I believe his desire for alcohol will remain until he has a period of time under his belt that is consecutive, and his brain and body clear it out.

But YOU don't have to suffer. Try one of the options I just mentioned.
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