Should I find a new sponsor?
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Just for the record.....the "sex inventory," is NOT a list of your sexual problems/conquests. Regarding sex: "We reviewed our conduct of the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have don instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it."
From there, it goes on to say that from that stuff above, we tried to shape a sane and sound IDEAS for our FUTURE sex life......
If you can't or won't do that with your sponsor.....time to find a new sponsor. There are tons of great ppl out there, sometimes it's a pain in the ass to go find them but you do what you've got to do. I was able to do it with no transportation, no public transportation and no local family to get me around to meetings. It took a while but then again, I didn't REALLY work at it all that hard for a while. It may mean you have to drive more than you want....or have to do more on the phone than you want......or SOMEthing that you don't want/like. That's how it goes, we make due with the best we can get/find. If your current situation isn't satisfactory, time for you to get out there and do your part to improve it.....which I hope/assume you're doing.
I'm not giving you a hard time but I see mixed signals when I read things like: I can't wait to do the 4th step vs I can't/won't do that part of the 4th step. If it's just that you can't/won't do it with her.....then you have a couple options: don't do a 4th step, do it YOUR way, do the the BB way with her even though you don't want to, do it the way it's in the book but find someone else to do it with. I'd suggest one of the last two.
FYI, there's a 12-Step Support area HERE where you can post your question(s) and you'll get more responses from "AA folks" who've been around a long time and have likely been through this exact situation AND have a solution for you that you'll be able to implement.
From there, it goes on to say that from that stuff above, we tried to shape a sane and sound IDEAS for our FUTURE sex life......
If you can't or won't do that with your sponsor.....time to find a new sponsor. There are tons of great ppl out there, sometimes it's a pain in the ass to go find them but you do what you've got to do. I was able to do it with no transportation, no public transportation and no local family to get me around to meetings. It took a while but then again, I didn't REALLY work at it all that hard for a while. It may mean you have to drive more than you want....or have to do more on the phone than you want......or SOMEthing that you don't want/like. That's how it goes, we make due with the best we can get/find. If your current situation isn't satisfactory, time for you to get out there and do your part to improve it.....which I hope/assume you're doing.
I'm not giving you a hard time but I see mixed signals when I read things like: I can't wait to do the 4th step vs I can't/won't do that part of the 4th step. If it's just that you can't/won't do it with her.....then you have a couple options: don't do a 4th step, do it YOUR way, do the the BB way with her even though you don't want to, do it the way it's in the book but find someone else to do it with. I'd suggest one of the last two.
FYI, there's a 12-Step Support area HERE where you can post your question(s) and you'll get more responses from "AA folks" who've been around a long time and have likely been through this exact situation AND have a solution for you that you'll be able to implement.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by DayTrader 
From there, it goes on to say that from that stuff above, we tried to shape a sane and sound IDEAL for our FUTURE sex life......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 57
Lol. I'll do it but w someone else. I'm also going to branch out and broaden my horizons in findin a sponsor in westchester. That way: no panic attacks going to the city which means no 6 hour hospital ER visits, no paying a lot for trains/subways. I'm on the fence an very confused.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 57
I don't know why it didn't show up but I'm on my 4th step and I told my sponsor that I had a resentment against this person and I told her that it was wrong for her to put me in an uncomfortable position and it feels like my sponsor is blaming me for having feelings and having a resentment against this person. She also said I need to apologize but I honestly don't think I'm wrong...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 57
I think I'm just going to do Step Four sponsorless. No one understands me and my HUGE subway fear and I think it's better if I do this alone. I feel like sh*t and alone in this. I've announced in Westchester meetings that I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone and it's really hard and no one gives a sh*t.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
That's a step you have to do yourself Armywife...With a little help from your Higher Power....Start writing and praying. I tried to give myself an hour a day...Very quiet place to work....That was about all I could handle. Just do it like it says in the book. If you are really jammed with a question and you can't get ahold of your sponsor. Show up early and stay late after meetings and ask people that have done the steps. They'll be more than happy to help you. Post questions in the 12 step forum here...Just get busy. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 133
Armywife925
1) All through the book you will read the word "We"...........That is not you and I
That "We" is the first 100 men who were in the fellowship. It is not the fellowship of today. Read the forward to the 1st edition. It will tell you in that forward that the purpose of the book is to show other alcoholics "precisely how we have recovered Don't worry about what you should do. Worry about what "They" did. People have been doing 4th steps alone for 70 yrs just fine. People were getting and staying sober out west for 20 flippin years with just the BB ALONE before AA got out there and was in any shape to conduct business.
2. I don't know which sponsor you have now, but it kinda sounds like you 1st sponsor really should not have been sponsoring people, "not enough minutes on her phone?????????..................Cmon, give me a break............
3. You may want to consider putting the 12X12 on the shelf for awhile. It can confuse new people. I mean if you have to read it in a meeting or something Ok, but people were sobering up just fine for 20 yrs before it was even written. I live in Cleveland, Ohio and as a rule we don't even let people read them until about a year.
4. As for as your 4th is concerned, just do the damn thing, this ain't rocket science.
5 I don't have "Sponcee's I don't know what those are. That's a very degrading, belittling word. What I have are 9 brothers who are engaged together in a life and death battle of spiritual warfare.
6 I want you to ask yourself this question at least 10 times today, in all situations. "What the fcuk does this have to do with my decision to stay sober today??................Their is only one acceptable answer...............NOTHING!
7 This ain't about a sponsor honey, this is about God!
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