A New Day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Day 6
Slept a bit better with the help of no alcohol cough syrup and a tylenol PM. Sorry I know it's not very good but it's either that or cough like crazy all night long with no relief and no sleep. As it stands my throat is so sore from coughing morning and night.
Last night was hubby and I's date night. We went to Bonefish Grill. Even though I wasn't feeling the best I really wanted to go simply because my coworkers said it was horrible/disgusting/too expensive/etc. I figured if they said all the bad things about it then it must be good.
The food was very good.
Hubby and I had the Ahi Sashimi for a starter. I ordered a sparkling water which confused the waitress at first and then as she got over her befuddlement told me they have Pellegrino.
Next I had the Chilean Sea Bass with warm mango salsa, buttered spaghetti squash and herbed jasmine rice.
All delicious but the rice tickled my very sore throat so I couldn't eat it much.
For dessert we had a flourless macademia nut brownie with vanilla ice cream.
Only low moment was as we were eating and I looked around the dining room and saw all the people drinking their wine, martinis, beers, and other drinks of choice and I knew. That world is off limits to me now.
That's okay though, as much as I mourn the old life I now its for the best.
Now that I'm slowly inching my way through recovery I remember back to when I lived in Kansas by myself(hubby was in Korea for a year), going through knee surgeries and spending all my time at the gym and the pool to assist in my recovery. I submerged myself in fitness. I got addicted to the "runners high" that some feel. In fact in my healthier moments recently while working out I still get that feeling. In fact I strain for it, for that moment of release when all is okay. When everything feels good. There's no pain and everything is as it should be.
I plan on starting the gym again with hubby hopefully this week if I can get this cough under control.
In January, hubby goes to a school for several months. Son and I will start going to the gym as often as we can. I know that "Santa Claus" has got me a brand new flat screen tv to be put up right in front of my Elliptical machine at home along with a brand new Roku box so I can watch my favorite shows or videos.
Once again I plan to submerge myself in fitness to help myself get clean. Along with the help of the therapist, chatting with others here and going to online meetings I think that will help. It'll be a mishmash of stuff that I'm going to use.
Well so that's how it's going. I have to run. I have yogurt to make for the week and then I have to make a vanilla panna cotta that will be used to fill chocolate cups along with fresh strawberries and blueberries, finally drizzled with dark chocolate on top for dessert.
Today is day 6
Last night was hubby and I's date night. We went to Bonefish Grill. Even though I wasn't feeling the best I really wanted to go simply because my coworkers said it was horrible/disgusting/too expensive/etc. I figured if they said all the bad things about it then it must be good.
The food was very good.
Hubby and I had the Ahi Sashimi for a starter. I ordered a sparkling water which confused the waitress at first and then as she got over her befuddlement told me they have Pellegrino.
Next I had the Chilean Sea Bass with warm mango salsa, buttered spaghetti squash and herbed jasmine rice.
All delicious but the rice tickled my very sore throat so I couldn't eat it much.
For dessert we had a flourless macademia nut brownie with vanilla ice cream.
Only low moment was as we were eating and I looked around the dining room and saw all the people drinking their wine, martinis, beers, and other drinks of choice and I knew. That world is off limits to me now.
That's okay though, as much as I mourn the old life I now its for the best.
Now that I'm slowly inching my way through recovery I remember back to when I lived in Kansas by myself(hubby was in Korea for a year), going through knee surgeries and spending all my time at the gym and the pool to assist in my recovery. I submerged myself in fitness. I got addicted to the "runners high" that some feel. In fact in my healthier moments recently while working out I still get that feeling. In fact I strain for it, for that moment of release when all is okay. When everything feels good. There's no pain and everything is as it should be.
I plan on starting the gym again with hubby hopefully this week if I can get this cough under control.
In January, hubby goes to a school for several months. Son and I will start going to the gym as often as we can. I know that "Santa Claus" has got me a brand new flat screen tv to be put up right in front of my Elliptical machine at home along with a brand new Roku box so I can watch my favorite shows or videos.
Once again I plan to submerge myself in fitness to help myself get clean. Along with the help of the therapist, chatting with others here and going to online meetings I think that will help. It'll be a mishmash of stuff that I'm going to use.
Well so that's how it's going. I have to run. I have yogurt to make for the week and then I have to make a vanilla panna cotta that will be used to fill chocolate cups along with fresh strawberries and blueberries, finally drizzled with dark chocolate on top for dessert.
Today is day 6
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
How did I miss this thread before? Great journal for all and you will come back to it after you have a year and marvel at how you felt at the time. Why? Because we really are someone else and thinking differently. Our old drinking self is as impossible to remember after we are long sober, as our old sober selves before we got addicted to alcohol were to use when we were drinking.
Your posts are inspirational Munchkin.
You understand the fundamental truth of this situation:
When we can't stop after one drink, our only choice is to stop before it.
Your posts are inspirational Munchkin.
You understand the fundamental truth of this situation:
When we can't stop after one drink, our only choice is to stop before it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
oops, except I spelled "know" "now"
GRRR LOL Guess I didn't proofread my post. I'm a stickler for spelling and grammatical errors. Used to be a travel writer until I had my son.
Thanks itchy. This is just my way of keeping myself accountable. I don't have a sponsor so this group of other people just like me have kind of become it.
I'll update every single day
GRRR LOL Guess I didn't proofread my post. I'm a stickler for spelling and grammatical errors. Used to be a travel writer until I had my son.
Thanks itchy. This is just my way of keeping myself accountable. I don't have a sponsor so this group of other people just like me have kind of become it.
I'll update every single day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Day 6
Okay, I've got an oops!
I just scanned through my thread and realized I skipped a day! LOL
So today is NOT DAY 7, it's day 6!
Had a pretty good night of sleep last night. The coughing is abating somewhat and the sore throat is gone (for now. I'm on the phones today at work so I'm keeping my talking to a minimum)
I think I actually got almost a full night of sleep though which is wonderful!
I noticed my skin is become more clear, less ruddy. The bloating in my fingers is subsiding.
I was thinking this morning, while taking a shower that it would possibly be a good idea to list all the negatives I HATED while drinking.
Well that's all I can think of. Hopefully one day in the near future if I'm ever having a weak moment I can look back at this list and remember all the horrible things that I hated about drinking.
I'm sure there is more. Just can't recall it.
I thank God that a few years ago I started waking up and realizing that "gee, I think I might have a problem". I'm also so grateful that around three weekends ago on a Saturday night my husband and son were in bed, I was probably on my 10th to maybe 15th martini of the night and a feeling of such depression came over to me. I went upstairs and admitted to my husband (and myself openly) that I need help.
It takes a lot for me to admit that. Me? NEED HELP? NEVER!?
I'm grateful that I've woken up and that my son won't have to deal with a Mom who is an alcoholic like I am now. (yes, my Mom is currently a late stage alcoholic who is in full denial)
I'm grateful for my hubby now who listens to me talk about my worries and concerns as I get better. I'm grateful for him agreeing to cancel our Christmas party so that I won't have the temptation around me.
I still remember all the fun times hubby and I had and horribly enough so many of them include alcohol. I hope to, over the years, make new, better memories that have nothing to do with drinking.
I just scanned through my thread and realized I skipped a day! LOL
So today is NOT DAY 7, it's day 6!
Had a pretty good night of sleep last night. The coughing is abating somewhat and the sore throat is gone (for now. I'm on the phones today at work so I'm keeping my talking to a minimum)
I think I actually got almost a full night of sleep though which is wonderful!
I noticed my skin is become more clear, less ruddy. The bloating in my fingers is subsiding.
I was thinking this morning, while taking a shower that it would possibly be a good idea to list all the negatives I HATED while drinking.
- Hated waking up hungover
- Hated it when I had to answer the phone or the door and my voice was slurred. I sounded like a drunk.
- Hated the fact that when I was drinking (a bit of TMI here) I had to use the restroom non stop for No2 because the alcohol was irritating my stomach so much.
- Hated the fact that when I was drinking I had non stop heartburn that could only be solved by consuming large amounts of food with large amounts of salt.
- Hated the fact that I get sick so easily because alcohol was lowering the strength of my immune system.
- Hated the fact that when I do get sick the virus/cold/flu tends to hang around for weeks rather than a few days because my immune system is so weak.
- Hated lying.
- Hated the fact that I would try to cover the evidence in the recycling each week by covering all the bottles upon bottles upon bottles with newspaper, boxes, etc.
- Hated falling asleep on the couch only to wake up at midnight like "wha? what's going on? What time is it?" only to realize its past midnight
- Hated not being able to remember what I did the night before. I would wake up each morning and think "did I put the leftovers away? Did I leave the stove on?"
- Hated that in the evenings my time spent with my hubby was of so low quality because I was so drunk.
- Hated that I was always halfway asleep when(bit of tmi again) spending "other time" with hubby.
- Hated the fact that once I fell asleep on the couch before putting my son to bed. Woke up and found my son curled on the couch next to me fast asleep. Bad Mom of the year award.
- Hate the fact that now (and many times in the past) I'm having to rush like mad to lower my blood pressure which is high because I was drinking so much.
- Hate that so many times it takes three drinks before I would even go and play with my son, tickle him, read with him, etc.
- Hate that I'm approximately 50 pounds over weight all thanks to alcohol.
- Hate that mentally now I live in a fog somewhat. I used to be a dictionary when it came to spelling and now I have to look up words regularly.
- Hate that I have to look up airline codes and airport codes more frequently because I just can't seem to remember them.
Well that's all I can think of. Hopefully one day in the near future if I'm ever having a weak moment I can look back at this list and remember all the horrible things that I hated about drinking.
I'm sure there is more. Just can't recall it.
I thank God that a few years ago I started waking up and realizing that "gee, I think I might have a problem". I'm also so grateful that around three weekends ago on a Saturday night my husband and son were in bed, I was probably on my 10th to maybe 15th martini of the night and a feeling of such depression came over to me. I went upstairs and admitted to my husband (and myself openly) that I need help.
It takes a lot for me to admit that. Me? NEED HELP? NEVER!?
I'm grateful that I've woken up and that my son won't have to deal with a Mom who is an alcoholic like I am now. (yes, my Mom is currently a late stage alcoholic who is in full denial)
I'm grateful for my hubby now who listens to me talk about my worries and concerns as I get better. I'm grateful for him agreeing to cancel our Christmas party so that I won't have the temptation around me.
I still remember all the fun times hubby and I had and horribly enough so many of them include alcohol. I hope to, over the years, make new, better memories that have nothing to do with drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Day 7 *I DID IT!
Last night I actually almost got a full night of sleep! How cool is that!
Amazing after what happened to me yesterday! I almost crumbled but I stayed strong, talked to my hubby and mumbled and grumbled to myself a bit.
So here's what happened.
Once again, it's my work that almost caused me to lose it.
Last night at work I prepared to leave. Remembered that I left my coat in the office in the closet last week so went to grab it. Upon getting in there I noticed my coat is gone. Ask the one coworker left who was shutting everything down if he knew what happened to it and he was, of course, clueless. Didn't really expect him to know much as he doesn't tend to get involved in things in the office but you never know.
Then I text another coworker upon arriving home. "Where is my nice white winter coat?" She has no clue either.
So it appears my winter coat that my husband purchased for me as a gift has gone missing at work. I don't know if someone stole it or if someone hid it as a prank(I don't tend to wear coats as much during the winter because the winters here are very mild *mid 30's to 50's.) Hubby even pointed out maybe someone needed to borrow it?
I can't believe I'm working in an office where someone would actually steal a FRIGGIN coat!
So anyways, on to today. Skin is clearing up some more, cough is fading. I should be able to go to the gym tomorrow if this keeps up! Bloating is going away somewhat. Lost a pound which I'm not really surprised by.
Big news today though. Have to share my pride with everyone at what I did today!
I MET WITH MY THERAPIST!
Very nice lady, who somehow or another seemed to get me talking instantly. I guess they all have that knack or they'd be out of a job. Amazingly enough the first question she asked right away got me emotional. "Why are you here today?"
My answer? "I HATE IT HERE!!!!"
From that point we talked about my hubby, my son, my work, AND (here's the BIGGIE!) my drinking! I admitted to it all!
I admitted I had a problem that I am trying to recover from. I admitted with a bit of pride that I am now 7 days sober.
And most of all, I reiterated several times. I don't want to be like my Mom. That was the really emotional part. Talking about my Mom's shaking from withdrawals. How bad she's gotten and all Even as I type this it still upsets me.
So I did it. I will be seeing my therapist once a week now and she is also referring me to ASAP (Army Substance Abuse Program) so that I can speak with a counselor to talk about other issues. I'm not certain how often I'll see that counselor but like Itchy has said I plan to use a whole spectrum of things to help me.
I cannot express at how proud I am that I did it. I said it. I AM AN ALCOHOLIC but I am also A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC. I am still somewhat ashamed and yet I'm glad I moving past that and into actively treating this.
That all said, now, I just think I need a good cry and a hug.
Amazing after what happened to me yesterday! I almost crumbled but I stayed strong, talked to my hubby and mumbled and grumbled to myself a bit.
So here's what happened.
Once again, it's my work that almost caused me to lose it.
Last night at work I prepared to leave. Remembered that I left my coat in the office in the closet last week so went to grab it. Upon getting in there I noticed my coat is gone. Ask the one coworker left who was shutting everything down if he knew what happened to it and he was, of course, clueless. Didn't really expect him to know much as he doesn't tend to get involved in things in the office but you never know.
Then I text another coworker upon arriving home. "Where is my nice white winter coat?" She has no clue either.
So it appears my winter coat that my husband purchased for me as a gift has gone missing at work. I don't know if someone stole it or if someone hid it as a prank(I don't tend to wear coats as much during the winter because the winters here are very mild *mid 30's to 50's.) Hubby even pointed out maybe someone needed to borrow it?
I can't believe I'm working in an office where someone would actually steal a FRIGGIN coat!
So anyways, on to today. Skin is clearing up some more, cough is fading. I should be able to go to the gym tomorrow if this keeps up! Bloating is going away somewhat. Lost a pound which I'm not really surprised by.
Big news today though. Have to share my pride with everyone at what I did today!
I MET WITH MY THERAPIST!
Very nice lady, who somehow or another seemed to get me talking instantly. I guess they all have that knack or they'd be out of a job. Amazingly enough the first question she asked right away got me emotional. "Why are you here today?"
My answer? "I HATE IT HERE!!!!"
From that point we talked about my hubby, my son, my work, AND (here's the BIGGIE!) my drinking! I admitted to it all!
I admitted I had a problem that I am trying to recover from. I admitted with a bit of pride that I am now 7 days sober.
And most of all, I reiterated several times. I don't want to be like my Mom. That was the really emotional part. Talking about my Mom's shaking from withdrawals. How bad she's gotten and all Even as I type this it still upsets me.
So I did it. I will be seeing my therapist once a week now and she is also referring me to ASAP (Army Substance Abuse Program) so that I can speak with a counselor to talk about other issues. I'm not certain how often I'll see that counselor but like Itchy has said
Like a good mechanic, you can never have too many tools in your toolbox
I cannot express at how proud I am that I did it. I said it. I AM AN ALCOHOLIC but I am also A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC. I am still somewhat ashamed and yet I'm glad I moving past that and into actively treating this.
That all said, now, I just think I need a good cry and a hug.
now what?
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 85
Awesome, munchkin!
I can't seem to find the hug smiley, so I'll do it the old-fashioned way ********{munchkin}}}}}. Consider yourself hugged.
Sleep, sweet sweet sleep. It changes everything, doesn't it? I'm sorry to hear about your coat. That would make me pretty upset, too. You coped well, though. You should be proud.
I can't seem to find the hug smiley, so I'll do it the old-fashioned way ********{munchkin}}}}}. Consider yourself hugged.
Sleep, sweet sweet sleep. It changes everything, doesn't it? I'm sorry to hear about your coat. That would make me pretty upset, too. You coped well, though. You should be proud.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Okay, another bit to add.
Anyone remember a thread I posted a while ago? If not I'll refresh your memory.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ave-share.html
Well today on top of the therapist appointment I had to also go to get my BP checked. On doctors orders I have to get my blood pressure checked 5 times in the next 4 weeks because it's been high lately.
In that thread I've linked to I was so bothered I lied to the nurse and to my doctor about my alcoholism. Well today, Greg(just found out his name today) started taking my blood pressure. First reading was a bit high. As he went to get the manual cuff and he closed the door I blurted out "I have to admit, I fibbed to you". He looked at me like "huh?"
I went further, "I fibbed to you last week. About my alcohol use. I use more. A lot more. Ummm, I have a problem with it and uh, today I'm 7 days"
For a moment he looked shocked and then a kind look passed over his face and he told me "that's okay. You've admitted it now. That's the hard part. And now you say you're 7 days sober right? That's good. You're on the path"
LOL He tried to make me feel a bit better by admitting he's addicted to sweets. Nice man. I guess he could see I was emotionally kind of tore up by it. It's one thing to admit it to yourself. Another entirely to admit it to someone else.
I think this is the toughest battle I've ever faced with one of the meanest foes.
I hate this beast!
Anyone remember a thread I posted a while ago? If not I'll refresh your memory.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ave-share.html
Well today on top of the therapist appointment I had to also go to get my BP checked. On doctors orders I have to get my blood pressure checked 5 times in the next 4 weeks because it's been high lately.
In that thread I've linked to I was so bothered I lied to the nurse and to my doctor about my alcoholism. Well today, Greg(just found out his name today) started taking my blood pressure. First reading was a bit high. As he went to get the manual cuff and he closed the door I blurted out "I have to admit, I fibbed to you". He looked at me like "huh?"
I went further, "I fibbed to you last week. About my alcohol use. I use more. A lot more. Ummm, I have a problem with it and uh, today I'm 7 days"
For a moment he looked shocked and then a kind look passed over his face and he told me "that's okay. You've admitted it now. That's the hard part. And now you say you're 7 days sober right? That's good. You're on the path"
LOL He tried to make me feel a bit better by admitting he's addicted to sweets. Nice man. I guess he could see I was emotionally kind of tore up by it. It's one thing to admit it to yourself. Another entirely to admit it to someone else.
I think this is the toughest battle I've ever faced with one of the meanest foes.
I hate this beast!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Day 8
Slept pretty well last night but went to bed WAY too late last night. I watched Terra Nova with hubby last night and unbeknown to us it was a 2 hour season finale so we didn't get to sleep until after midnight. Big oops.
That's okay though, today I'm not hungover. I'm a tad bit emotional thanks to yesterday and prone to crying and then covering it up as fast as I can but I'm okay.
Todays post is all about spirituality and fitness which is something I hope to bring back into my life in lieu of the alcohol. These are things that previously were a big part of me but the alcohol tends to either make me forget or just covers it completely with its own version of spirituality and makes any sort of fitness completely undoable as I'm unable to barely move the next morning.
Today I purchased a Yoga DVD, and yesterday some Yoga socks for myself for Christmas.
I plan on doing this in the evenings for 15 minutes or so as a way of destressing from work. I don't want to take my work day out on my son and I need something to distract myself from the desire to drown my worries in a martini.
Something new to me will be meditating, which I plan to incorporate into my day. I even bought myself a Zabuton which is a cushion to sit on while meditating.
I know I need to rediscover myself since the alcohol was so good at putting me to sleep and you know, I kind of look forward to this journey.
I look forward to discovering who I am now.
And best of all, I feel that as I get clean and sober my mind will become more alert and I will be able to think things through more clearly. As I continue my therapy with both my wonderful therapist who was so patient with me yesterday and then the ASAP therapist who I have yet to see I hope that my anger, my sadness and depression will fade like a bad storm.
As I start meditating each day, doing Yoga in the evenings, working out at the gym I hope to find peace and allow myself some forgiveness because right now I can say that I'm very angry at myself. Even though I know that I am powerless to this addiction and that the only thing I can do is accept that I am powerless and completely abstain from alcohol, I'm just so angry at myself.
So I hope to put that anger, resentment, disapointment in myself in a very deep grave and bury it.
I want to be the best Mom to my son and the best wife to my husband which of course they both fully deserve.
I want to be the loving, friendly, and supportive person that I used to be.
Today is Day 8
That's okay though, today I'm not hungover. I'm a tad bit emotional thanks to yesterday and prone to crying and then covering it up as fast as I can but I'm okay.
Todays post is all about spirituality and fitness which is something I hope to bring back into my life in lieu of the alcohol. These are things that previously were a big part of me but the alcohol tends to either make me forget or just covers it completely with its own version of spirituality and makes any sort of fitness completely undoable as I'm unable to barely move the next morning.
Today I purchased a Yoga DVD, and yesterday some Yoga socks for myself for Christmas.
I plan on doing this in the evenings for 15 minutes or so as a way of destressing from work. I don't want to take my work day out on my son and I need something to distract myself from the desire to drown my worries in a martini.
Something new to me will be meditating, which I plan to incorporate into my day. I even bought myself a Zabuton which is a cushion to sit on while meditating.
I know I need to rediscover myself since the alcohol was so good at putting me to sleep and you know, I kind of look forward to this journey.
I look forward to discovering who I am now.
And best of all, I feel that as I get clean and sober my mind will become more alert and I will be able to think things through more clearly. As I continue my therapy with both my wonderful therapist who was so patient with me yesterday and then the ASAP therapist who I have yet to see I hope that my anger, my sadness and depression will fade like a bad storm.
As I start meditating each day, doing Yoga in the evenings, working out at the gym I hope to find peace and allow myself some forgiveness because right now I can say that I'm very angry at myself. Even though I know that I am powerless to this addiction and that the only thing I can do is accept that I am powerless and completely abstain from alcohol, I'm just so angry at myself.
So I hope to put that anger, resentment, disapointment in myself in a very deep grave and bury it.
I want to be the best Mom to my son and the best wife to my husband which of course they both fully deserve.
I want to be the loving, friendly, and supportive person that I used to be.
Today is Day 8
now what?
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 85
Congratulations on day 8, munchkin!
I've been reading in the Secular Connections forum and they have a good thread about meditation. You might want to check it out.
I like the idea. I have the book The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle), from which I'm learning slowly slowly to live in the now. I've understood the concept of The Now most of my life, but never quite knew how to get there. I'm learning now.
Best of luck!
I've been reading in the Secular Connections forum and they have a good thread about meditation. You might want to check it out.
I like the idea. I have the book The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle), from which I'm learning slowly slowly to live in the now. I've understood the concept of The Now most of my life, but never quite knew how to get there. I'm learning now.
Best of luck!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Isn't it amazing how much of a non-issue our drinking is to others? I think your new activities are perfect for recovery, since you chose carefully. I look forward to your posts, you see, you take each of us on your adventure with you. Thanks for the invite along.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)
