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Old 11-16-2011, 01:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy

No way but up...


Hi everyone. I've been in and out of the rooms for a few years now. My life has become a country western song - my 22 year marriage is over, i lost 2 jobs because of my addiction, a house, filed bankruptcy, i have been told that for a woman my age i should not have cholesterol as high as 303 (and physically I am in decent shape....not obese as one might surmise), and the coupe de gras: yesterday a lump was found in my right breast.

I am at the bottom. I once held an esteemed position in the professional world. I was a PTA mom. A girl scout mom. Involved. Had lots of friends. Had 3 meals a day. Was faithful to my husband. Had a good clean healthy life full of laughter and more importantly love. My family was (and still is) my everything. I never thought I would find myself here. But here I sit in a hotel room alone......reading my CDA big book, going to meetings, praying for God's hand....the hand I always rejected. I am here for a few days and then will return home on Sunday. I will then be juggling mom stress, financial stress with recovery. At least my husband has agreed to come over everyday and help out with our daughter so that I can get some relief and make meetings.

So here I am. If I can't get clean and sober, I will at least die trying.

p.s. why do i have to tag this thread
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Old 11-16-2011, 01:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome Dietryin. I'll keep you in my prayers.
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Old 11-16-2011, 02:05 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to our international recovery family. If you really work on yourself there's nothing you can't do. I sincerely believe that. :ghug3
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Old 11-16-2011, 02:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I know what its like...

I lost 2 jobs, filed bankruptcy, and had a broken engagement within the last two years thanks to alcoholism. I was in rehab this year and was sober for 6 months until i started to date again, which led to bars and restaurants and a week long relapse...i spent last week in a hotel. First 3 days were constant drinking...the next 4 days tapering down and withdrawal. Back at my family's house and sober now. Just have to pick up and get to meetings I guess...
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Old 11-16-2011, 02:14 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome, I hope that you can find some of the support you need here on SR.
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Old 11-16-2011, 02:25 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hello dietryin. I completely relate to what you said. My life turned into a nightmare when I wasn't looking.

I drank all my life, and never dreamed it wouldn't always be fun and relaxing. I never thought it would suck the life out of me and turn me into a person I didn't even recognize.

You can get rid of this poison from your life, and have a new beginning. No more insanity or danger. We're with you. You've found a wonderful place where everyone understands what you're going through.
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Old 11-16-2011, 02:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi dietrying

I'm sorry for all the stresses strains and worries in your life right now but I'm glad you've found us - you'll find a ton of support here

Welcome!
D

ps as far as I'm aware tags aren't mandatory
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Old 11-16-2011, 08:01 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thanks everyone. This is my bottom. I know that for sure now. I have simply lost EVERYTHING. I feel very alone. How did I end up in this place?????
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Old 11-16-2011, 08:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I think everyone feels that way dietryin. I know I did.
Plenty of time for post mortems tho - maybe a better question for right now is how do I get out of where I am ?

D
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Old 11-16-2011, 08:08 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I think everyone feels that way dietryin. I know I did.
Plenty of time for post mortems tho - maybe a better question for right now is how do I get out of where I am ? D
Exactly. I've lost everything...everything. By God's grace I'm still alive. I guess there is a reason He is keeping me here. I would love to know why.

22 years of marriage GONE. My health...Gone. Job...gone. I'm sorry guys, I am just having a pity party here. I feel so helpless and worthless. I'm 46 and ...well...is it too old to change???? How can I ever get back what I threw out? It's not like I can dumpster dive.
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Old 11-16-2011, 08:11 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Well I stopped at 40 and nearly five years later my life is better than it's ever been...it's been hard work and effort, but if I can do it, you can too

D
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Old 11-16-2011, 08:15 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I just wanted to say welcome, Dietryin. I am so sorry that you hit bottom so hard, but then I guess many of us have. I wish I had something more comforting to say, but I am glad you are here! I have gotten a lot of comfort out of this board over the years and you will too.
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Old 11-16-2011, 08:22 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Welcome, Dietryn, glad that you're here. You really will find lots of support here and you're right - nowhere else but upward!
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Old 11-16-2011, 08:29 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome! Get t ok those meetings!

I've witnessed miracles there. You can stay stopped!
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Old 11-17-2011, 03:35 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dietryin View Post
Exactly. I've lost everything...everything. By God's grace I'm still alive. I guess there is a reason He is keeping me here. I would love to know why.

22 years of marriage GONE. My health...Gone. Job...gone. I'm sorry guys, I am just having a pity party here. I feel so helpless and worthless. I'm 46 and ...well...is it too old to change???? How can I ever get back what I threw out? It's not like I can dumpster dive.
Hey! Wait a minute..is this ME posting in an alternate identity? Hmmm.

Well, I guess you can gather that our circumstances and stories have a LOT in common. SO maybe the fact that I am making real headway in recovery can be an encouragement to you.

You might not get "back" some of those things you lost. But you WILL get a whole lot that is worth getting.

Not sure if you are in a pity party or in the middle of a huge wake up call. I'm guessing the latter since you are not using this situation as an excuse to throw in the towel and drink yourself to death. You are using it as proof that you need to stop now.

You will find lots of support here if you want it. Lots of ideas, tools and REAL coping skills, if you want them. Lots of hope, I come here all the time to fill up when my own supply is depleated.

You already have the most important tool needed for recovery, sincere desire and determination.
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Old 11-17-2011, 04:23 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Welcome! It's not too late. People have crawled back from terrible things here. Your life may only be half over. More than enough time to get a grip on it.
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Old 11-17-2011, 05:01 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR!!!! I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Please keep reading and posting here.
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Old 11-17-2011, 11:34 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Wow!

16 replies!!!!

I really didn't think anyone cared....my heart is warm....you have no idea how good your replies and encouragement made me feel

Got down on my hands and knees this morning.

10 mins later I found out that I do not have to worry about breast cancer!!!

5 mins later ....the "new friend" i met last week at CDA called me....

got back down on my hands and knees and thanked God.

Gonna read my big book today and go to a meeting with her....she is going to be my sponsor....we gotta get moving on the steps....

I feel hopeful....the volume of replies tells me that this forum is where I belong and there are soooo many out there....

still worried about living situation and lack of employment but am hopeful that if i work this program with everything in me....with all of my heart and soul....that will not be quite as worrisome.

my story is looong....i hesitate to tell it because it would take at least 2 hours to compose...but I've been through hell......since 2008 it's been non-stop....just this September in only one week....i lost my job on monday, my dear friend died on wednesday and on saturday my husband told me he wanted to end our 22 year marriage....God has been presenting me with HUGE WARNING SIGNS AND RED FLAGS since '08.....i am finally gonna listen to him......i can't imagine a bottom worse than this one.

i am looking forward when i can support you all....and i can offer supportive feedback as you have given me.......

again, i cannot tell you how much your replies meant to me....thank you
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Old 11-17-2011, 12:00 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I am really sorry for all that you have gone through and the bottom you had to hit. Because, it sounds like you hit it REALLY hard and that is never an easy thing.

God has been trying to get my attention since '09 about my drinking. And, everytime something would happen I would stand back up and ask for another one. It was like God started hitting me with a 2x4 ... then a 4x6 and then a 6x6. The lessons only got harder and the consquences tougher. I am now dealing with them. But, I am doing it sober. And, I am grateful for my recovery.

Don't ever give up because you are worth it. Even through it all... when I would pray I keep thinking that God was punshing me... but, in truth God was attempting to show me how great my life can be without drinking. I keep hold on to that thought... and I am grateful for it.

If you need any help at all let me know. We are all here for one another and SR is a great resource.

Take care!
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:28 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Hi there,

Yeah, you sure are going through a trying time! You know what will make it easier, right? Stay sober. It is much easier going through bad times sober than drunk. When sober your decisions will likely be logical and correct. I can't count the number of decisions that I made when drinking that had long reaching adverse effects. Take care.
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