Hello dietryin. I completely relate to what you said. My life turned into a nightmare when I wasn't looking.
I drank all my life, and never dreamed it wouldn't always be fun and relaxing. I never thought it would suck the life out of me and turn me into a person I didn't even recognize.
You can get rid of this poison from your life, and have a new beginning. No more insanity or danger. We're with you. You've found a wonderful place where everyone understands what you're going through.