goodcheer

sadsoul....i think you should change your nick to sweetsoul. you are so sweet and thoughtful to everyone here. thanks for being there!

Birchgreen

I managed to keep the weekend dry, despite everything. My husband came back last night. His father is stable, but we can't make any plans for the next few days/weeks.....

Yesterday was our 19th wedding anniversary, but neither of us was particularly in the mood for celebrating. Normally we would have been opening the champagne. My husband had some wine but has said that he too is going to take a break from alcohol for a while. He does not have a problem like I do but has got into bad habits of late. He does have to be careful though, it could be in his genes. His mother is a recovering alcoholic (20+ years), and his brother died as the result of alcohol a few years ago just before his 50th birthday. With him not drinking it should make it easier for me.

Hope everyone has a good week - & keep posting please - it is really helping me,

sadsoul2011

Aw, thanks! You have no idea how much you all are helping me! I really look forward to logging on and talking to everyone and hearing how we're all doing. I get teary-eyed thinking about. Over the years of my drinking I've so isolated myself; I didn't realize how much until I starting contributing to SR. It is very nice to be developing a good group of caring cyber-friends!

Have a great day!

honeypie

DITTO THAT!!!:ghug3 You are such a great encouraging presence - thank you Sadsoul.

All of you here are helping me. Today I woke up and just shook my head at the dream-state I have been living in. And I wondered how it will feel to look back a year from now. October of 2011 - can this really be when I finally just dump that BS?!

Goodcheer, + Alaska that is such a wakeup call, isn't it! Our kids. You are not alone though. I have many photos and even video which I have discovered, cringing, the next day. In fact the truth is, let's say (except for my 9 months pregnant when I did not touch a drop) there have been many many"day afters" since high school. 30 years of cringing! Ha ha. Maybe I will write a book too and call it that.

Birch I am glad your husband is going on the wagon...sounds like he has the genepool that we do so it's good he is careful. Happy anniversary!

Books are great. I've read Lit, Dry, everything by Caroline Knapp; tons of AA material, tons of Melody Beattie, you name it. My intellect knows what to do but that addictive voice always whispers that I have eluded the disease and am fine. Sheesh!

Sadsoul you are right about the future: it is today, and the past is gone. I look forward to noticing beauty in every day. Even stuck in traffic. I would rather be stuck in traffic, for example, then hooked up to an IV in the ER. You know? Just trying to be grateful.

Have a great sober Monday everyone.

EDHARLEY

Another weekend down, kinda of set myself on cruise and ended up feeling sad yesterday... thanks to all who replied it really helped. It just goes to show that sobriety can never be set on cruise and that this forum really works becouse if it was not for the love and support of everyone here I am not sure that I could of made it this long.
Starting another week, I am sure its going to be long, I am sure its going to be challenging, I am sure there are going to be triggers, I am sure that I am going to be on here a lot becouse I am sure at least for today THAT I AM NOT GOING TO DRINK. One day at a time.. .. if anything I have lost 15 lbs so thats something else to be greatful for.. hope everyone has a great week..

Deserto

Argh. Had a tough conversation with the wife last night. She was asking me what I was doing with the whole sobriety thing and questioning whether I could do it or whether I was really committed... which made we question whether I could do it or whether I was committed. I became fairly defensive, in part because I'm still trying to take it day by day here, especially this week, which is replete with challenges. Was it wrong to be defensive? I understand when she says that she has to deal with whether I succeed or fail but I also feel in some ways she's not the person to be talking to about this. Understandably she's on pins and needles and wants me to succeed, but her anxiety kind of freaks me out.

I was very kind and reassuring to her this morning, but... how does one deal with that, when you can sense the wariness of your loved ones over what you're doing? On one level it reminds me of what's at stake... on another level it throws someone else's doubt into my head.

Day 9 or Day 3 here, and a tough week ahead. But I'm committed to making it.

goodcheer

EdHarley...thanks so much for your honesty. I always appreciate your contributions here. I am starting week 2, and it is definitely helpful to take it one day at a time. When I think in those terms it helps me move away from some of my shame over the past, and stop worrying about the future, like how can i never have a drink again? All I need to do is make it through this one day and feel proud of that.

Sending strength to you Ed for a good week.

goodcheer

Hang in there Deserto. You are awesome. I know your wife is trying to be supportive. I understand that by questioning your commitment to sobriety, she is chipping away at your confidence. I would feel exactly the same. Stick with us here, know in your heart you are committed to staying sober.

Sending strength.

sadsoul2011

Eat the peach!!! I have a feeling that you will really like the "real you". We don't know you IRL, but you're obviously fun, sweet and thoughtful person - it comes through in your posts. :ghug3

sadsoul2011

Birchgreen - Congrats on your weekend! You've stayed sober in spite of your crazy weekend - that takes courage and strength. Each time you make it through a hard time you get stronger and your addictive voice gets weaker. Make sure to "file" this success for future use; you can pull it out as a good reminder when needed

I wish you and your family peace - it is rough sitting on pins and needles when when loved ones are sick and suffering. Please let us know how your father-in-law is doing - I'll continue to keep your family in my prayers.

How awesome that your husband wants to quit too! Keep us posted!

sadsoul2011

EdHarley - Wow - great job! Sure hope your outlook is better today If not, just roll with it and it will pass. Sounds like you are in good shape for the upcoming week. Make sure to keep checking in....

p.s. how have you already lost 15 lbs. I'm in awe (and a little jealous haha ).

sadsoul2011

Deserto - Sorry you're having a hard time. The spouse thing can be hard to figure out.... Unfortunately, I don't have much practical advice in that department - my husband still drinks (quite a bit); an entirely different problem.

When I first started visiting SR, months ago, I read a thread that really spoke to me:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-now-here.html

(it's by Jabbadabut)

It is long because he continues his journey over a period of 1+ years (maybe longer). It is a fast and interesting read. I couldn't stop reading it once I started. He is still around on SR; I see him post once in a while....and I always make sure to read his updates. I think his story may be useful for you (forgive me if it isn't). Let me know what you think.

Stay strong today and make sure to check in later

Deserto

Thanks Sadsoul for the tip on the thread. I just read it, it was quite good. But now I'm late and need to get on the road

I feel better about the conversation with the wife. Her doubting me was good in it's own way because it is forcing me to look at those thoughts that think "maybe someday in the future I can control it..." The Jabbadabutt thread reinforced how crazy those thoughts are.

Today's the four month anniversary of my dog dying. I'm sad about that. We had 15 years and 4 months together -- my best friend. We did everything together. We drove like 8 times across the country together. I'm not sad about that in a "I want to drink" kind of way, just sad and missing him. And I think to myself, it's okay to be sad and miss him -- of course you do.

Ok, off for a seven hour drive to Vegas. I've been putting it off for obvious reasons but should leave before I have to drive in the dark. I'll be fine.

goodcheer

Deserto...Don't know if you will check in while you are in Vegas, but best of luck, and i hope you have lots of sober fun.

I am so sad to hear of the anniversary of losing your dog. He lived a long life, probably due to the love and care you gave him. I have a yellow lab, a rescue dog I got last year...don't know how i ever did without her.

Safe travels.

sadsoul2011

Deserto - Oh, I'm so sorry about your dog! They become like family don't they. What kind of dog? I bet you had a great 15+ years together - a great pal to drive across the country with Remember the good times today! :ghug3

Have a great time in Vegas! If I remember correctly you're staying with a sober friend? Great move - really good idea in your recovery. Enjoy seeing the sites. I've never been, but we have friends that live there and it sounds like there are some neat things to do. Just think - you'll remember every minute.

Make sure to check in here if you need to talk to anyone! We'll be here for ya!

Sigma

Wrapping up on day 2, thought I would check in. Feeling much better as the chest and head cold is starting to lift.

Deserto, just my thoughts on this, but your wife needs to give you room. My wife did that the first times I tried to quit and she now says it only made things worse. It has to come from inside of you and not pressure from outside sources. Now that my wife doesn't pressure me anymore, I feel worse when I have a slip versus when she used to hover me. Sounds like you are doing well, just keep up good communication.

Thanks for sharing your story Alaska,

I come here in the morning and at night, and this thread has many wonderful people posting.

Thanks to all of you

nvrbeentospain

Hey, October people
Day 17 for me -- I guess it makes it easy to count since Oct. 1 was day 1. Had some moments yesterday where I felt sad about not being able to drink again and had some of those creeping thoughts about being able to do things like drink wine socially. Yeah, right. Then I saw some pictures on facebook of people drinking and actually physically sick. I started thinking about being hungover, and honestly recognized that if I were out with them having those drinks, I'd spend the next day feeling disgusting because of a hangover. It made it seem a little less fun.

Also came across some personal examples of the true long term horrible consequences of drinking. End stage liver disease and hepatic encephalopathy aren't too fun. Scary stuff.

Sleep is still screwy, but I have faith that it will get better when my schedule normalizes. Feeling a little lonely but am attempting to reach out to some people for extra social contact. I was already contemplating ways to meet people outside of work and am now adding people who aren't heavily focused on drinking to that list. Hard as an adult in a city but probably a good thing for me.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good day. It looks like the weather is nice across most of the US, so getting outside is always good. Personally I'm planning on going for a walk. And even though I can't keep track of everyone like sadsoul (who does a great job at that), reading all your posts is so helpful.

Sigma

Wow, day 17 I would have been there right with ya. Congrats, day 17 is a good place to be nvr.

sadsoul2011

You are right here with us! It's a good place to be!!! Glad you're feeling better :ghug3

sadsoul2011

Nvrbeentospain - Congrats! You're doing so well. Sure hope better sleep comes your way soon. Imagine how great you'll be feeling when that happens!! Enjoy your walk!