Class of August 2011
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Day 11 and the beastie is starting to claw a lot harder. I suppose it's because by this time I would usually be drinking again. The insomnia hasn't helped. Does anyone else feel that when you lay down alone in your thoughts at night is the scariest time of day? My mind won't calm down and all my fears, doubts, frustrations and general life worries gnaw at me. I'm wishing that I could get some of these life situations worked out so I could feel a little peace there but there's not much I can do. The biggest problem is us still trying to sell our house in Alabama and not knowing what's going to happen with it and when. That's $600/month going nowhere. I'm guessing the best thing I can do now is try to contribute more to our income. I have a part time job but hours have been slashed for everyone. I'm so scared to get another job. I don't want to fail and i'm so full of self doubt. The beastie knows it and that's where my greatest weakness lies. I'm going to consider resurrecting my pet sitting service and do some research today. Probably go on a nice walk too. I just want to jump out of my skin due to frustration and a sense of hopelessness.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 400
Checking in on Monday after a wine-free weekend. So glad so many of you got through the weekend w/o alcohol!
This morning I was thanking God that I was ready to face a Monday feeling physically good and thankful. I feel free; free from the bondage I was in with the the bottle.
Stevie, let us know how you're doing today and take good care of yourself.
This morning I was thanking God that I was ready to face a Monday feeling physically good and thankful. I feel free; free from the bondage I was in with the the bottle.
Stevie, let us know how you're doing today and take good care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by DisplacedGRITS 
Day 11 and the beastie is starting to claw a lot harder. I suppose it's because by this time I would usually be drinking again. The insomnia hasn't helped. Does anyone else feel that when you lay down alone in your thoughts at night is the scariest time of day? My mind won't calm down and all my fears, doubts, frustrations and general life worries gnaw at me. I'm wishing that I could get some of these life situations worked out so I could feel a little peace there but there's not much I can do. The biggest problem is us still trying to sell our house in Alabama and not knowing what's going to happen with it and when. That's $600/month going nowhere. I'm guessing the best thing I can do now is try to contribute more to our income. I have a part time job but hours have been slashed for everyone. I'm so scared to get another job. I don't want to fail and i'm so full of self doubt. The beastie knows it and that's where my greatest weakness lies. I'm going to consider resurrecting my pet sitting service and do some research today. Probably go on a nice walk too. I just want to jump out of my skin due to frustration and a sense of hopelessness.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 95
Happy Monday!! Feeling great today after a sober weekend. First one in about 12 years.
Hi PBC: I sooo know what you mean about that blasted voice. I have never wrestled with my mind like this before - I seem to be gaining the upper hand though, and with each minute that passes without a break down, I feel like a super star!!
Stevie - hope all is going well with you. Alaska, Sindy, Displaced, Sarah, Suresh, Hooped, R4R, Dee, Piotr - and everyone - Have a great day!! You sure are a big help to me. Thanks.
Hi PBC: I sooo know what you mean about that blasted voice. I have never wrestled with my mind like this before - I seem to be gaining the upper hand though, and with each minute that passes without a break down, I feel like a super star!!
Stevie - hope all is going well with you. Alaska, Sindy, Displaced, Sarah, Suresh, Hooped, R4R, Dee, Piotr - and everyone - Have a great day!! You sure are a big help to me. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Dudley,Uk
Posts: 1,704
Ok so after tapering down since last thursday,im finally here on day 1.So far so good as i havent had a drink and so far im not tempted...I would normally have had 4/5 by now so i aint doing too bad.....Im eating so much fruit its unreal and im necking water like its going out of fashion....Will update you all later and once again,many thanks for your support....
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Originally Posted by stevie88
Ok so after tapering down since last thursday,im finally here on day 1.So far so good as i havent had a drink and so far im not tempted...I would normally have had 4/5 by now so i aint doing too bad.....Im eating so much fruit its unreal and im necking water like its going out of fashion....Will update you all later and once again,many thanks for your support....
ANewBeginning
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
LMS -- Probably the same reason we all kept doing it to ourselves... it was there and so were we. If it knocks us down, we get back up and we keep getting back up until we beat it... and we CAN beat it! Good you're not letting it keep you down.
Stevie - So far, so good --- You can make it... just for today
DG... Yeah, it's hard when there's so much going on. For me, anxiety kicks in about a week after I stop drinking... for me, I pray. I can't let myself get all worried about what's going to happen in the future. Heck, I can't even always control the here and now... but I do what I CAN do and leave the rest to somehow work out or run it's course. Hope your day goes better
Gotta get to a meeting so I'll catch you all later --- stay sober
Stevie - So far, so good --- You can make it... just for today
DG... Yeah, it's hard when there's so much going on. For me, anxiety kicks in about a week after I stop drinking... for me, I pray. I can't let myself get all worried about what's going to happen in the future. Heck, I can't even always control the here and now... but I do what I CAN do and leave the rest to somehow work out or run it's course. Hope your day goes better
Gotta get to a meeting so I'll catch you all later --- stay sober
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 171
So my brother in law contacted me through my sister in law. Not exactly thrilled he told her but oh well. He is going to his meeting tomorrow at lunch and has to be there early so my SIL said she'd come get me and take me.
I found an all women's meeting that takes place tomorrow night and am interested in that one but I am torn between going with them and going to the womens meeting.
I know I should probably just go ahead and go with them because I might chicken out of the other meeting. I really don't think I will chicken out but there is still that chance.
Gonna talk it over with my husband.
I found an all women's meeting that takes place tomorrow night and am interested in that one but I am torn between going with them and going to the womens meeting.
I know I should probably just go ahead and go with them because I might chicken out of the other meeting. I really don't think I will chicken out but there is still that chance.
Gonna talk it over with my husband.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 89
Stevie--Glad you tapered off and are on day 1. Hang in there!
Displaced--I'm hooked on diet pop and Crystal Lite. By the end of the night I get tired of both and switch to water. I also am eating a lot of hard candy...gotta watch that though...bad for the teeth!
LittleMiss--It's better to have 5 days sober/1 day drinking than 6 days drinking! We all have bad days. The good thing is you're here and ready to hop back on this train!!
R4R--Thank you for all your encouragement and support! You're helping keep me in check!
Cleareyes--I actually find the men's meeting intimidating. Unfortunately it's my only option on Fridays. Besides that i go to women's meetings and feel much for comfortable and willing to share. Plus, let's face it. Men are men. Women are women. Much easier to relate to a woman about this stuff. My opinion...
Displaced--I'm hooked on diet pop and Crystal Lite. By the end of the night I get tired of both and switch to water. I also am eating a lot of hard candy...gotta watch that though...bad for the teeth!
LittleMiss--It's better to have 5 days sober/1 day drinking than 6 days drinking! We all have bad days. The good thing is you're here and ready to hop back on this train!!
R4R--Thank you for all your encouragement and support! You're helping keep me in check!
Cleareyes--I actually find the men's meeting intimidating. Unfortunately it's my only option on Fridays. Besides that i go to women's meetings and feel much for comfortable and willing to share. Plus, let's face it. Men are men. Women are women. Much easier to relate to a woman about this stuff. My opinion...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 20
Hello everyone!
Displaced - Feeling for you over here. Stay strong! A nice long walk is something I like to do too. I find it really helps clear my head and calm me down too.
Stevie - VERY glad to hear that you are on day 1! Keep it up!
Sindy - I was a diet coke freak but in the last few months or so I have been addicted to just plain old seltzer water (the child version of myself is gagging at me right now!). I can go through four or five cans in a day on top of whatever else (non alcholic of course
) that I drink that day.
I am now on day 8!! Yay!!! Last night was really rough though. I had to be out and about for work and was getting flack from some acquaintances about not drinking. I told them I was on a detox thing and couldn't have alcohol. I felt like kind of a loser...my sober social skills are not the best being that I haven't really used them in some time...but I knew if I drank I would have felt a lot worse later, so I didn't. Stayed as long as I had to and then went back to my cabin to go to bed. I felt like a bit of an outcast, but I still felt good about my decision and feel good about it now.
Hope everyone is enjoying their day!
Displaced - Feeling for you over here. Stay strong! A nice long walk is something I like to do too. I find it really helps clear my head and calm me down too.
Stevie - VERY glad to hear that you are on day 1! Keep it up!
Sindy - I was a diet coke freak but in the last few months or so I have been addicted to just plain old seltzer water (the child version of myself is gagging at me right now!). I can go through four or five cans in a day on top of whatever else (non alcholic of course
) that I drink that day.I am now on day 8!! Yay!!! Last night was really rough though. I had to be out and about for work and was getting flack from some acquaintances about not drinking. I told them I was on a detox thing and couldn't have alcohol. I felt like kind of a loser...my sober social skills are not the best being that I haven't really used them in some time...but I knew if I drank I would have felt a lot worse later, so I didn't. Stayed as long as I had to and then went back to my cabin to go to bed. I felt like a bit of an outcast, but I still felt good about my decision and feel good about it now.
Hope everyone is enjoying their day!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Baltic coast
Posts: 1,371
Suresh: congrats on day 7
R4R: thanks for all the inspiration and kind words
stevie: keep it strong
want2: good for you, don't think about others- its your life
YEAAH- my first AA meeting. Still don't know where I found the courage. I was talking myself out of it all day. The weather is lousy, I'm tired etc etc
Everyone really made me feel welcome - it was a big 5th anniversary of soberty event with a lot of people, but after wishes for the lady - they read the first step and recalled there stories of starting AA. Very inspirational. Going back tomorrow.
Shortish walk in town center afterwards as I somehow have a fear of beaches.
Take care everyone.
R4R: thanks for all the inspiration and kind words
stevie: keep it strong
want2: good for you, don't think about others- its your life
YEAAH- my first AA meeting. Still don't know where I found the courage. I was talking myself out of it all day. The weather is lousy, I'm tired etc etc
Everyone really made me feel welcome - it was a big 5th anniversary of soberty event with a lot of people, but after wishes for the lady - they read the first step and recalled there stories of starting AA. Very inspirational. Going back tomorrow.
Shortish walk in town center afterwards as I somehow have a fear of beaches.
Take care everyone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone!
Suresh, the book is called Now That You're Sober: Week-by-week Guidance From Your Recovery Coach, by Earnie Larsen. You can find it easily on Amazon. I'm getting a lot out of it. I decided, after so many slips, that I needed some new tools in my toolkit.
Nice job avoiding the wine, Sindy! And now that you've denyed the craving this time, you know you can do it again. And as for the haircut ... hats are all the rage since the Royal wedding, you know.
Grits, how was your walk? Are you feeling a bit more at ease yet?
Stevie, I'm thinking that fruit and water are a FABULOUS fix! Enjoy!
LMS, it is hard. I know. Now pick yourself up and get back on. I love this Michael Jordan quote: "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
Keep going for the 3-pointer ... you'll make it.
ClearEyes, I'd love to hear about how your meeting goes ... what resonates with you, what's good, what's scary or whatever.
Dee, you rock. That's all.
Suresh, the book is called Now That You're Sober: Week-by-week Guidance From Your Recovery Coach, by Earnie Larsen. You can find it easily on Amazon. I'm getting a lot out of it. I decided, after so many slips, that I needed some new tools in my toolkit.
Nice job avoiding the wine, Sindy! And now that you've denyed the craving this time, you know you can do it again. And as for the haircut ... hats are all the rage since the Royal wedding, you know.
Grits, how was your walk? Are you feeling a bit more at ease yet?
Stevie, I'm thinking that fruit and water are a FABULOUS fix! Enjoy!
LMS, it is hard. I know. Now pick yourself up and get back on. I love this Michael Jordan quote: "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
Keep going for the 3-pointer ... you'll make it.
ClearEyes, I'd love to hear about how your meeting goes ... what resonates with you, what's good, what's scary or whatever.
Dee, you rock. That's all.
ANewBeginning
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Hey All.... Just figured I'd check in before hitting the sack. Super tired. Therapist session went well... seemed like we talked about marriage issues more than what I thought we were going to delve into... but it was all good. I cried, he was happy that I cried (sadistic, in my opinion LOL).... only cuz I hate to cry. But it's healing so, that's what makes it bearable when it does happen!
CE - Whatever you decide on the meeting, I'm sure it will be good. I would basically feel intimidated either one - until I actually got there and settled. A lot of my abuse issues deal with both men and women so it would be 6 of one - half-dozen of another for me. But it looks like you are supposed to pick one... so let us know how it goes!
SL -- Hey... I'm on day 8 --- being on here and rubbing elbows with all you keeps me in check I'm glad I have access to a computer most of the day that I can steal away from time to time to see how we're all hanging in there.
Want2 -- Glad you resisted the temptation.... I'm using the phrase 'I'm in training' at the moment when asked, which is true. But I really like the allergy analogy I've yet to use....
Time for this little girl to go cut some z's
Hope everyone sleeps well tonight.... no worries for tonight.... just sweet sleep for all.
CE - Whatever you decide on the meeting, I'm sure it will be good. I would basically feel intimidated either one - until I actually got there and settled. A lot of my abuse issues deal with both men and women so it would be 6 of one - half-dozen of another for me. But it looks like you are supposed to pick one... so let us know how it goes!
SL -- Hey... I'm on day 8 --- being on here and rubbing elbows with all you keeps me in check
I'm glad I have access to a computer most of the day that I can steal away from time to time to see how we're all hanging in there.Want2 -- Glad you resisted the temptation.... I'm using the phrase 'I'm in training' at the moment when asked, which is true. But I really like the allergy analogy I've yet to use....
Time for this little girl to go cut some z's
Hope everyone sleeps well tonight.... no worries for tonight.... just sweet sleep for all.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Dudley,Uk
Posts: 1,704
Ok guys day 1 was completed and i never touched a drop...Last week when i quit,i couldnt sleep,had the shakes and felt like i was gonna puke,last night i had a fantastic nights sleep,apart from waking a couple of times,and i have woke up this morning feeling great.Gonna keep myself busy today as i have lots to do......Oh well day 2 here i come....
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Well, i'll come clean and admit that I failed yesterday and had some vodka. I didn't get sloshed but i'm afraid that I let my fear and frustrations get to me and I reverted to what i've relied on for so long to ease my anxiety. I did go for a short walk this afternoon (me, my husband and the bird). It was nice but I still felt so frustrated by the house situation and my temptations. Today will be drink free. I think i'll go for a real hike this afternoon on my own. Can't buy alcohol in the middle of the woods! I feel bad that I not only let myself down but let the support group here down as well. So is this Day 1 again or do I categorize this as a stumble and not a fall? I want to be honest with myself and y'all. I hate to feel like my 11 days is wiped away. Any advice?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Baltic coast
Posts: 1,371
Day 4
Still cannot fall asleep and when I do in the wee hours I sweat awfully. Have to endure it.
Went for a long walk on the beach in the morning - have to get over my fears - some sun but cold wind, as they say here its a nice autumn this summer.
Going to the therapy appointment soon and AA meeting in the afternoon. Keeping busy and the thoughts of drinking do not come.
Still cannot fall asleep and when I do in the wee hours I sweat awfully. Have to endure it.
Went for a long walk on the beach in the morning - have to get over my fears - some sun but cold wind, as they say here its a nice autumn this summer.
Going to the therapy appointment soon and AA meeting in the afternoon. Keeping busy and the thoughts of drinking do not come.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,525
I don't think you ever lose the things you learned in those eleven days dG
I don't bother too much with terms like stumbles and slips - it's semantics really - it's best to just accept you drank....the task now is to look at why and then, most importantly, think about what else you can do now to best make sure it doesn't happen again...
Welcome back
D
I don't bother too much with terms like stumbles and slips - it's semantics really - it's best to just accept you drank....the task now is to look at why and then, most importantly, think about what else you can do now to best make sure it doesn't happen again...
Welcome back
D
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Thank you, Dee. I'm beginning to learn what it's like to be me again. I was a perfectionist in my youth and sober days so when I fail I just crumble. Today is day 12 again as far as i'm concerned. I've had many victories this past week and I will not negate them. I'm going to go to a peaceful place today and hike on my own terms. I've let stress and sadness rule my life for so long that i've let my spiritual side wither. Not today.
ANewBeginning
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
NIIIICCCE, Stevie! 
Way to go! You CAN do this. Sometimes it takes a little work to get over a temptation or craving, but it's possible to do! Very glad you got a good night's sleep also!
DG... don't beat yourself up too much, the only thing you get with that is a bunch of bruises In my opinion to your question, I heard once to call things what they are... as in call a spade a spade, not an agricultural implement... whether it's a stumble or fall doesn't really matter, it's what you do now.... it's getting back up and continuing on your journey. The cool thing is that we're all journeying together....
Piotr... really hoping those sweats stop soon for ya. You're doing great though... keep it up!
Day 9 here... really hard therapy session last night -- spouse related... have some hard things I have to do this weekend - seems I've been taken on too much responsibility in our marriage and I can't do it anymore - much of it based on my husbands insecurities... I've been trying to be everything - and I can't anymore. So, it's time for me to tell him I'm not going to do certain things anymore - he has to step out for himself. Causing a lot of anxiety in me.... but I refuse to fall into the alcohol trap again - just a little tired of getting back up over and over again
Way to go! You CAN do this. Sometimes it takes a little work to get over a temptation or craving, but it's possible to do! Very glad you got a good night's sleep also!DG... don't beat yourself up too much, the only thing you get with that is a bunch of bruises
In my opinion to your question, I heard once to call things what they are... as in call a spade a spade, not an agricultural implement... whether it's a stumble or fall doesn't really matter, it's what you do now.... it's getting back up and continuing on your journey. The cool thing is that we're all journeying together.... Piotr... really hoping those sweats stop soon for ya. You're doing great though... keep it up!
Day 9 here... really hard therapy session last night -- spouse related... have some hard things I have to do this weekend - seems I've been taken on too much responsibility in our marriage and I can't do it anymore - much of it based on my husbands insecurities... I've been trying to be everything - and I can't anymore. So, it's time for me to tell him I'm not going to do certain things anymore - he has to step out for himself. Causing a lot of anxiety in me.... but I refuse to fall into the alcohol trap again - just a little tired of getting back up over and over again
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