Sarah87

I am not sure where to ask for help or what to do. I want to help my dad stop drinking or slow him down.

He is drinking too much and it is affecting how he behaves. He has a short temper and the drinking makes it worse so he gets mean and angry over nothing almost every day. I am worried that he might lose control.

I know he is holding inside some things that he doesn't know how to deal with - grief, disappointment, money, all the things that bring us down. He does have people that care about him and lots of good things in his life if he would just let it in.

My whole life I have never been able to get through to him. He doesn't let others in, even for love or kindness. He is self-conscious and lashes out at anyone who "criticizes" him in even the smallest way. I need to tell him that I care about him and that I want him to stop drinking but I don't know how to do it. I am afraid of his reaction. He is in very deep denial and I can tell he just wants everyone to leave him alone, probably so he can drink in peace.

ru12

It is my experience that there isn't a lot you can do: you father must want to stop. You could write him a letter I suppose. If he is as thin-skinned as you say he might just get angry at you for confronting him. If it were me, I would say my piece then get the h@ll out of the way.

psilyguy

He probably makes promises he never keeps, lives up to mediocre expectations, doesn't attend social functions, likes to be alone, only happy when he's with friends doing the same thing, smells like alcohol, naps a lot... am I close?

This used to be me, and my you might as well be my child. I've wasted many years staring down the beer can instead of into her eyes and doing things I needed to do as a father. It took getting in trouble with the law and my marriage slammed against a brick wall to jolt me free. Alcoholism is a very mean demon, I'd recommend getting as many people around you as possible as a support system, and discuss options. Don't be afraid to NOT be nice about it, something needs to wake him up.

Dee74

Hi Sarah

I'm really sorry for your situation - I was the alcoholic getting angry and pushing people away once.

I hope your Dad will one day find his way like I did

Tell him or write him a letter if you feel you need to, for yourself (and you're not in danger doing so) but please don't expect it will change anything much.

Addiction is not very logical, I'm afraid.

Often I think the best thing for you to do is to remember to look after yourself in all of this.

Have you heard of AlAnon? It's a 12 step organisation to help the loved ones of alcoholics find support.

We also have a family and friends forum here - you'll find a lot of experience and understanding down there as well

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to SR
D

switchboard

I second what psilyguy said -- get a support system together.

I personally wouldn't go it alone. My dad was an alk when I was young. I wouldn't dare confront him about it on my own. There is strength in numbers .. both physical strength (should it ever be required) and emotional strength.

Hevyn

Welcome Sarah. I'm so glad you came here for suggestions. I like Dee's idea of writing a letter to your dad - he might not feel cornered if it was something he could take his time responding to. Hope you've checked out Friends & Family.

He is a lucky man to have someone kind like you in his life. I hope you'll find some answers here - at least you aren't alone, & that helps so much.

Threshold

Find an Al-anon group for families of alcoholics. You can't do anything about your dad's drinking, but you can address it's effect on your life. Keep hoping, and take care of yourself, it's the best investment you will ever make.

Anna

Welcome Sarah, and I am sorry for your situation.

Please do check out AlAnon for support for yourself and also our forums here for Friends & Families.

I hope your dad will find his way.