Squishyboots

So of course we are all dealing with the "chocolate" cravings that join us with being sober, but now I've downed half a container of habanero almonds. Yum and hello salt bloat. Oh well....

jooser

Day one for me Squishy, I'm really sick today. The shakes finally went away about an hour ago. I feel like crap, and I feel guilty as hell, as usual.

Squishyboots

Welcome jooser - I know this day is tough. And the next few days will be tough too. Try today to work on yourself. Eat food that makes you feel happy (for me it was homemade mac and cheese!) Drink lots of water. That guilty feeling will haunt you today and probably keep you here today. The hard part is remembering that feeling Day 3,7, or 21. It looks like you have been a member for a while. What will be different about today for you?

Englishrose70

Hello Squishy boots from England!

I had a day like you are having today just yesterday! All too fresh in my mind as well as the night sweats and horrid dreams I had last night. Yesterday was my day 1 and you asked why did you finally decide to try and knock this demon on the head.

After a week of heavy drinking on holiday and a weekend of heavy drinking with friends and 10 years of heavy drinking before that. For the umpteenth time I thought this has got to stop.

I made a list beginning I am sick of:

Hangovers
Night Sweats
Black outs
Passing out and coming round instead of falling asleep and waking up
Tummy upsets
Puffy skin and eyes
Anxiety
Loss of libido
Avoiding social situations that I could have enjoyed
Being lethargic, tired, loss of enthusiasm, joy for life
Drink fuelled spiteful words to my husband who I adore
Repeating myself as I've forgotten what I've said when drunk
Wasting time!
Drinking alone for comfort
Feeling fake and living a lie
The money I spend
Injuring myself
Fears for my future health
Scared of just how bad this can get

I thought of the cons:

Tastes good
Relaxes me
Gives me "false" confidence

No contest is it???????

I am keeping a daily diary of how I feel, what I am doing with my spare time freed up from not drinking.

I am also following these mantras

ALCOHOL IS THE MONSTER IN YOU DYING. HE KNOWS YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL HIM AND HE WANTS TO TEMPT YOU TO FEED HIM. DONT GIVE HIM THE SATISFACTION OF WINNING!!!

B.E.S.T?
BEING ENJOYING SOBER TODAY?

EVERYDAY WITHOUT ALCOHOL IS A VICTORY

My husband works away in the week, one of my triggers, comfort drinking and I have no kids so I am home alone. He also will say I dont have a problem because

a: he is not aware of the weekly consumption
b: he also has a problem and one we share at weekends so he wont admit he has one too, I hope I can encourage him to drink less if I do.

As we are newby's together squishyboots and a few things in common there, shall we track and support eachother?

Squishyboots

Sounds wonderful Englishrose!!! Is the 70 for being born in 70? That's my year! Sounds like you made a great list and know what you need to work on. Its so very day to day. But for today we are sober right? Great post and please keep me informed on how you are feeling.

Buelah

Yay - 1970! I'm not quite to 41 yet....

Squishy, glad to see Englishrose on your thread. I think she will be a great addition to your group. And ER - what a great idea - the list. I love lists. Please put this on the June thread for us Juners. They will appreciate that idea. Pretty tough decision is right! I always hated that horrible taste in my mouth when I woke up - took hours to get rid of. I so don't miss it, and I now enjoy a cup of coffee again in the morning.

ER - Squishy is still a big part of our Juners - she is working hard and staying strong. It's amazing how much we can all accomplish together. I could not have done it without people like her and many others on this site. Some wonderful people here.

I never thought I'd feel better in my 40's than in my 30's.

Squishyboots

Buelah - how right you are. Although pregnancy took a HUGE toll on my older mom body at 37 and 39, I feel I have better tools at this age to handle the change. :-) Buelah I didn't know you were a 70 baby as well. WOOHOO. Sometimes I still feel like I'm 20 something I swear. There is no possible way I'm already 41. My bday was in March and I celebrated in Las Vegas of course. As you can imagine how that went.....

Buelah

Oh Lord...I can only imagine! Last year we had a 40/50 bash at our house. Every 10 years we have a big party. It's actually a family gig. But, my friends all pitched in and got us a band - we had a great time. I was pretty proud of myself - I DIDN'T WAKE UP HUNGOVER. Had no choice, we had a total of 120 people in and out of yard during the day. I did have quite the toot going when I went to bed. 40 is not too bad....especially now with seeing what the past years could have felt like if I did them sober! You were a brave gal having babies when you did. I look up to you for it. You'll be glad you did. There will always be a part of me that wishes my hubby got the ol' reversaroo and we had kids, as he is great with little ones. But, every thing happens for a reason, so I'm going with that. I'll get to be a Grandma soon - so that will be fun!

Love ya Squishy - you are making leaps and bounds especially with the load you have to carry!

Squishyboots

Oh I can't wait until you're a grandma!!! One of my previous co-workers is just a year older than me and her daughter is on her second child. Her daugher was pregnant when I was pregnant! It was hilarious. I guess some people do it at different times for a reason. I'm sure I was way too selfish in my 20's and most of my 30's. That's why I never went to college either and saved it for now (now that was stupid and I REALLY wish I did not have to do this now...) I thought I would be able to be a better mommy now, but I think the pressure is the same no matter what the age. I actually wish I could have another but my last child almost killed me. I can't carry again, but that's ok. I have two beautiful babies that deserve a better, healthy mommy AND daddy!

Love you Buelah! Thanks for posting on my little thread.

UnrulyJoule

Thank YOU for starting your "Day 1 for the last time..." thread, Squish! It's ultimately what helped me in making a decision to finally get serious about quitting.

Closing out Day 3 today and looking forward to Day 4.

Buelah

Squishy - it's never too soon or too late to go to college - I wish I had ambition to get back in school. But, it's just not in me. I look up to you for doing everything you are doing. Raising young ones, going to school, and getting control of your life. I'm glad you started this thread. It is proving to be good for you and others. You are a rock, sweetie! Don't you forget it!!!!

Catch up with you tomorrow. I'll be gone most of the day, but will check in when I get home in the later part of the day.

landminesgirl

I failed. Couldn't make it an entire week. Surprisingly, last night was the hardest night for me to abstain, maybe because my defenses were down? I thought this week would be a breeze. I don't know. My husband was in a mood, I was in a mood. . . I had a glass of wine. Which lead to drinking the entire bottle. I was self-loathing even while I was drinking, it wasn't fun.I yelled at my son last night for whining (he's 3; 3-year-olds whine). Why did I do it? I have no idea. I have a splitting headache and I'm so disappointed in myself. How did I make it through a weekend and a Sunday evening, and fail on a Tuesday night???

I totally let myself down, and my kids, and my husband. I have no idea why I even opened the bottle.

This is not self-pity. This is self-anger, self-loathing, self-hatred. Sorry all, I let you down too.

WhiteWave

Do NOT self-hate! I'm so glad you made it here and posted something so sincere. It's rare - most people feel naked revealing so much. Please know that you've at least reached me - things happen, we slip, whatever - it's done and gone. Now, there is only today - this moment. I'm touched that you chose to take a moment to talk about this. I hope that the next hours, and even days, smooth out for you. Best of wishes!!!

I'm off to work now. Take care. And take care all who are reading!

Ja matta na,

Blessed be,
WW

cleareyes

Yesterday was going to be my Day 1 but alas I failed. I go through all the same emotions as you do but yet I still pick up that glass of wine. How about we both start again today. I have a little girl who is almost 5 years old. She is away at my Mom's for the week. I'd love to be on Day 5 when I pick her up on Sunday. Just remember you are here and trying so you are not letting anyone down.

Squishyboots

lmgirl - you do what I did last week and pick yourself up again. The fact is that you came back here. Keep coming back until this is all you want to do. Last night there was something in the air I think. I had one of my worst nights yet, I even drove through the liquor store parking lot but then kept going.

Lick your wounds today - I know the hate you feel and disappointment. Eat some good comfort food, drink lots of water and start again on your journey. It happens to all of us. This is why we are here. Make a list of what you want to change and lets make it happen!

You will never be judged here. We are here for support. You can do this!!!

Squishyboots

cleareyes- welcome! Day 1 is a recurring theme for many of us. The mind wins much of the time and that little devil on our shoulder screams at us until we pick up that glass. You have to learn to shut him off and keep yourself busy. Having little ones myself I know how hard this is and the pressures of being a mum. Stay with us - its an important step that you are here!

Stay strong and start again!!!

landminesgirl

Okay, let's start over together! I just made a list that I am going to print and carry with me of all the reasons I WANT TO STOP DRINKING. I hate the way I feel, I hate what it will do to my family, I hate the message I'm sending my kids. . . it's horrible. I may even laminate it . . .

I have two little ones - 1 year old girl and 3 year old boy. They're amazing, happy, awesome children and I am sure if I don't stop this pattern of self-destruction I will take them down with me. If that's not enough to get me to stop . . .

Day 1. . .

landminesgirl

Thanks, WW. I really appreciate (and need!) the encouragement. This place is awesome. . .

landminesgirl

Thanks, Squishy! Congratulations on how awesome you're doing. . . keep up the good work! How are you feeling? How are things at home?

cleareyes

All right I'm in for Day 1! My reasons are not different from yours. I also hate what it does to me and my family. Our kids are young enough (hopefully) that they won't remember a drunk mom. I also know it's hurting my marriage. It's time to do this once and for all.