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Day 1 for the last time...

Old 07-07-2011, 08:25 AM
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Polly pissy pants? You gals are a hoot. You don't hear it enough so I'll say it; You are very special people and deserve better in your life.

Quite honestly, Squisy, I'm a little worried about your situation, but its your situation. I am in no place to judge others. Please take care.
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Old 07-07-2011, 10:10 AM
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You are all great. :-) Like BB says though - we are strong and stronger every day we are sober...
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Old 07-07-2011, 10:41 AM
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So in the middle of my 3rd day here...head still ringing. I have had to endure 2 hour meetings and soon to be another one this afternoon. Asprin doesn't help at this point, I know I just have to get through them. My eyes are still swollen from puking all night on Monday (great idea on my part once again...) and about to eat another 2000 calories for lunch to calm my body.

Another factor that us women have to endure is of course the wonderful nature of PMS. So on top of feeling like crap, I can feel SUPER crappy during this week as well. I know - probably too much info for you boys, but it weighs heavily on our recovery process. I'm more emotional, bitchy, headachy, hungry and oh yes, FAT to make me feel even more special about myself. So if my post is a little punchy this week, now you know the secret!

Thanks all for sharing in my journey - DAY 3 - now onto the food...
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Old 07-07-2011, 10:45 AM
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Being in an abusive marriage or relationship (verbal, emotionsl, physical) is no fun, but a nice way to protect sobriety is to remember the things we can control and the things we cannot. Our spouses can continue to be, ahem, 'who they are', whether we drink or not. Mine is still exactly who she was without me drinking. But, I can choose to not pick up. Those people and their behaviors are definitely triggers, I don't care what others say.
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Old 07-07-2011, 10:48 AM
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That is correct Leo - all I can do is better myself. I felt I lifted my husband to a place in life he had never been before with work, family and health, and I feel all he ever tried to do was bring me back down to the high. I'm just hoping he can join me and work out his own problems for our babies sake. Time will tell...
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Old 07-07-2011, 10:49 AM
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Did I mention my recovery friends today how daring I am? Eating gazpatcho with a white blouse on - watch out! I know how to live on the edge...
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Old 07-07-2011, 11:49 AM
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Polly pissy pants, must be related to my hubbie, Negative Ned, who has a sister named Debbie Downer!

Keep working on you and leave your hubby up to your higher power. My sponsor told me those words several months ago, and she was right! The more I have changed myself, the better things have become. Now, I can't say he has changed completely, or maybe even at all. It just doesn't bother me anymore.

My hubby still drinks, for years, I admitted I was powerless over alcohol (meaning for myself) but it took me a long time to accept I am powerless over his drinking alcohol too.

Wow, that was a real eye opener for me. Acceptance of that made my life much easier.

Will I be able to live with a man that still drinks forever? I don't know the answer to that right now. All I know is that today, I am sober, happy and free from alcohol.
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Old 07-07-2011, 01:05 PM
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Anew - that is a huge question for me. I don't think he'll ever stop drinking but you never know. I hate him when he drinks, he gets mean and is just downright verbally hurtful. If he just has a couple its not bad - but when he gets going, or rather when both of us used to get going I can't tell you the countless times I screamed for a divorce. Makes me sad, more so for my kids, but I really don't know how long this marriage will last. Right now I'm just concentrating on being sober today right!?
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Old 07-07-2011, 02:03 PM
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I divorced a possessive "psycho". He punched me in the back when I was walking away from him after I told him I wanted a divorce. He pushed me down. And he made me feel worthless. But, one day I realized, I will not be pushed around. So, I laid out the ground work of my "escape". When I told him we WERE getting divorced, he threatened to kill himself. I was scared that he might, but thought I can't control what he does, and he will not lock me in. At this time in my life, thankfully, I did not drink, or I probably would have beat the crap out of him in a drunken rage.

But, I guess, what I'm trying to tell you gals in a possible hurtful relationship - keep yourself sober first. Make sure you can do this. Every thing else will be more clear. You won't spontaneously react and do something you shouldn't. I don't know where you are all at in your relationships. But, remember as mentioned by others. Abuse is not just physical, it's verbal as well. No one deserves to be told they are useless or ugly or whatever. And someone saying "I'm sorry" over and over for the same actions is a broken record.

So, stay strong, stick to your guns (don't load them...don't want to hear about you on the news), and sobriety will help you make better decisions about what you need to do.

When I got divorced I actually bought the "Divorce for Dummies" - can you believe it - it had the forms and everything! I don't encourage divorce as I encourage people to work it out if at all possible. But, also staying married because of kids can cause more harm to the kids if your spouse is not willing to work on change. You can't change them, they have to want to change themselves.

I just feel bad for you. (I honestly want to reach out and slap the crap out of your men.) I really have a good husband, so not sure why I got so wrapped up in drinking. He's been through a lot of hell in his life, but has continued to prove that you have to move on. And he's never taken it out on me.

And in regards to a spouse still drinking. If my hubby wants to have an occasional beer or two with a friend or my Dad, I honestly won't mind. Right now, he is not drinking with me - he's on Day 6 right now. But, I know he really likes a cold beer. He knows I will hold him to not overindulging, though. But, it's all in what you can and cannot do.

Squishy - aspririn, tylenol, advil - none of that stuff touches these "detox" headaches we have. I tried, and just gave up. Sorry about your PMS...yikes - I'll try not to tick you off! Day 3 - hooray! You are a trooper for what you endure on a daily basis.

On to supper. Stay strong!
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Old 07-07-2011, 02:17 PM
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Buelah - you are a rock!

I know the time will come one day. Its not that I don't love him or have feelings for him, its just never been a complete relationship. It was out of convenience not love and respect as I've had in the past. I can't say I made a mistake because I have the most precious things in my life right now my babies. I know if he ever raised a hand to any one of us I would call the police and I already have the lawyer on speed dial , although he's threatened when drunk, not on my children but me of course. I think the more I'm sober, the better he will try to be. I honestly am too soon in this recovery to think about changing this marriage right now like you say. The stronger I am, the better decisions I will make and NOBODY will ever be able to say in a court that I'm a drunk and can't have my kids. I will be the strong one!

All good things....
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Old 07-07-2011, 04:08 PM
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All we can do is hope our sobriety is contagious, as I've said before. I'm for staying together as much as possible. So, being sober is a good way to start. But, please keep venting in the mean time. Hopefully, he'll come around. I really look up to you for the strength you are showing here.

All will be quiet from me tomorrow as I'm taking my Mom to get groceries and such, and stop for lunch somewhere we can eat outside...and no cocktail. Mom doesn't drink, so this will be easy!
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Old 07-07-2011, 05:47 PM
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Pouring rain storm here! Made it super easy to just come right home from the Docs office. All my blood looks A OK! I'm in super health. But of course I stopped drinking and gained 5 lbs over the week - what????

Well I made spaghetti and all is quiet here. My hubby drank some whiskey but I don't even care. I can't wait to go to bed - night everyone! See you in the morning
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Old 07-08-2011, 04:40 AM
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Hey Squishy - it's Friday.....the day you were dreading earlier in the week. See, it wasn't so hard to get here! Repeat after me, "I will get through today sober. No matter what life deals me, I CAN do this!".

Glad your health is a-okay. Thankfully, sounds like we are all checking out well on our doctor's appointments. No damage done by our own abuse. That's a blessing - hooray for you!

Heading out for the day - I'll check in tonight when I get home.

Remember "I will through today sober. No matter what life deals me, I CAN do this!".

Love ya!
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Old 07-08-2011, 04:59 AM
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Hey Squishy - you sound like you're doing great!

Can I join in on your journey? I'm a 36 year old mom of two young ones. I'm currently on Day 3. . . for the umpteenth time! I can't seem to get past day 3, and today is Friday. . . I will need some uber-willpower to get through tonight.
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Old 07-08-2011, 06:19 AM
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Landminesgirl - you can absolutely join me!!!! I would love the company. How old are your babies? Mine are 2 and 3. I know this is tough, but I am on Day 4 - let's plan on getting through this weekend ok?!
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Old 07-08-2011, 06:28 AM
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Good morning everyone - well I'm here and it was an amazing night here in CO. We had the biggest rain storm I think I have seen since I was a kid. It rained so hard that just running from the doc office to the parking lot it looked like I took a bath by the time I got in my car. The streets flooded and I just made it home! Unbelieveable but oh so cool. It was great because I went straight home without stopping at any liquor store.

Buelah you are correct - I made it to Friday, but I am still nervous about the weekend. I know I can do this. I had a tough morning already fighting with the hubby first off. "I thought you were supposed to pick the dry cleaning!" he says to me, well the guy didn't drop it off yesterday, "just great" he says. Why don't people just ask nicely? ugh That was just the beginning, it went down from there. BUT, I still will not drink tonight. Even though he has drank every night this week, good news is that he has only had a couple drinks every night - not the 5-6 we were doing every night. So maybe I'm on to something.

I get off work early today so I was hoping to run after work, but they say more thunderboomers today. That's ok - I can bring the kiddos maybe somewhere and do something.

I had a restless night of sleep again, but getting better. I still feel foggy and a bit drained. Not fabulous that I freaking gained 5 lbs this week, but oh well. I will just have to work harder on adjusting my food again. I kinda went overboard!

I'll be here all day! Let me know how you all are doing!
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Old 07-08-2011, 06:49 AM
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Thanks Squishy! Congrats on another sober night!!

My babies are 1 and 3. They're amazing, and I don't want them to grow up with a drunk mother! This weekend will be tough, but I called my husband at work today and told him (finally) the extent of my drinking. He was shocked - we both have been pretty social drinkers, but he knows how to be responsible. Either he is in denial about how much I actually drink, or I (subconsciously) hid it from him. Anyway, I told him that I need his help, and he sounds supportive. Here's hoping for my first sober weekend since I was pregnant with my little girl. . . ideas on how to ward off the Friday night temptation??
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Old 07-08-2011, 07:05 AM
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lmgirl - that is the tough question I have been dealing with and failing for quite a while. But something is different about me this time. I got really sick on Monday night and I'm sure acted like an idiot in front of neighbors for the 4th. I missed work on Tuesday which has never happened and I was mortified. So maybe that is making this Friday easier. I don't ever want to feel that way again. I tried to "just drink on weekends" or "only when we go out" it always ended up that I would grab a bottle on a wednesday because I had a good day or just one more on a Sunday night. It turned into 5-6 double shots of vodka with lemonade and crying in the middle of the night.

Friday night is tough, I'm not going to lie. But as everyone has told me - change your routine. Its hard with little ones like we have. I waited so long to have kiddos I thought all my demons were gone. But as mothers today we are juggling everything and it seems overwhelming. I wasn't prepared for how tough motherhood can be and I copped out. Now I see how I have acted in front of my kids and I'm mortified and sad. I would drive to the liquor store with them in the car just so mommy can get her vodka. How crappy is that.

All I can do is move forward from here and try to be the best mom.Those awful thoughts are hopefully what will get me through this Friday. Stay online with me this weekend as you need to and we can get through the "witching hour" together. You can do this!
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Old 07-08-2011, 07:15 AM
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Boy I feel like we live parallel lives, except my vice is wine. My birthday was on Tuesday, so naturally I celebrated hard all weekend.

I've been a moderate to heavy drinker since college, but was at least able to stop while I was pregnant both times. I'm now 36, and am so full of regret for what I've put my body through, and what I've put my kids through. I just hope I haven't done irreparable damage to either. Maybe they're young enough that if I stop now, they won't have memories of me getting drunk so much.

I'll tell you, I fell hard about a year ago, right after Olivia was born. I found out my husband cheated. We're working through it but I had a full year of self-hate, anger, sadness, depression, you name it. I became a stay at home mom, and for the first time in my adult life didn't work. I lived in a new city, across the country from family or friends. It was horrible. We're rebuilding and I finally feel hope that my marriage will be okay. I went to talk with my pastor last week, maybe that's why I have hope? I don't know, but I know I start to slip when I don't feel hopeful about my marriage. I think that's the key for me - when I feel sad or anger about what he did, I pull out the bottle.
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Old 07-08-2011, 07:24 AM
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We all seem to have a trigger. Working on your marriage would be best done probably sober. You need to work on what makes you happy and how you can work on moving or not moving past what he has done. That's a tough call, I haven't been in your situation but I know that working on myself is the most important thing. We can't control others and their actions. Be there for your children. The wonderful thing about them is how resiliant they are.

Hang in there and stay strong today - find a new routine and take the kids out for a walk, or find some new games or puzzles. I know that is a hard age! I'm here for you as are many others on this site. There are some strong people here. They have great advice.
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