joinedintime

HideOrSeek, want to echo Philly's welcome and also totally agree that all are welcome. Glad you're here and doing well.


I've found that some of that "more to it" stuff come with more sobriety time. It's like the wise old Buddha on the hill doles out the wisdom as we're ready for it or something. Maybe you can think of some piece that you know now that you didn't know earlier. Hang on to that and know that there is more to come. Keep putting in the time, you're doing well there candycorn.

HideorSeek

Thanks Philly and JIT, for the welcome! If you don't mind, then, I'll just make myself comfy!!!!

flutter

I'm in! 12/08 here 16 months already???..crazy and wonderful. Hi!

Ananda

MKAY...the do was great...chris's art got good reception...he was interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. The simotaneous showing in the second room was really really meaningful to me as well and invoved poetry which is my medium.

The dinner after went off without a hitch....and I even got all the clean up done already

When i was showering and getting on makeup before the reseption and doing a last minite dress change as the wether turned cold...i suddenly realized the point was not to look like i was relaxed and enjoying myself...but to actually BE relaxed and enjoyoing myself (snirkle)

Which i was and did

Sobriety rocks

Gypsy Feet

our class of 12/08 has quieted down bunches as well. I have found a couple of other entertaining threads here that have lots of daily participation, but this is a good idea too. You might also try whiners, dont quit, whats good today or bottoms, I think those are all pretty active threads

colagirl

Happy sober Friday everyone! Welcome to the new joiners!

Don't really have much to say, I'm not feeling great so I'm going to go to bed soon and maybe watch some crappy TV on DVD.

HideorSeek

Morning all! I remember some of you from wayyyyyyy back and some are new for me. Would you mind refreshing my brain a bit, with a little of your story? If not, that's OK too.

But since I asked, I'll go first. I have been posting here on SR since 4/08. I spent so much time on the 2 week thread, in particular, that I think I'm responsible for the interior decor. I was stuck in the 3 days sober, 1 day smashed, 3 days sober... cycle for a long, long time. In September of 08, I managed to break that cycle and would manage to put together a couple of months, but would lose it for a night, periodically. I wasn't totally sober, but put together enough time that I could appreciate all of the richness that sobriety can bring. And I felt hope, for the first time. I can't really say what finally pushed me over the edge. I was just so tired of repeating the same old thing, over and over. And I felt a bone chilling despair that I was very close to losing my family, certainly, but my sanity as well. I have been sober since 5/21/09.

Ananda

From the begining hide and seek??

Well..

I am an alchoholic and drug addict. In 1977 my addiction to crystal meth (snorting) was at it's peak. I drank alot definately was alchoholic as well, but meth was my drug of choice and dropping acid was a weekly event...pot, opium, hash, etc. were daily events.

I had a major breakdown...I lived at home for a while, saw a psyc and they sorta half ass put me together...at least i didn't stutter any more....and i wasn't so parinoid i couldn't do anything but sit in a corner terrified.

of course alchohol and drugs came back into my life slowly but surely within a year of this event....speed was never at the level it was prior...and alchohol became the biggest problem. I had a child at 19 and was married for a year after i got pregnant.

In 1985 i had broken up with a man i thought was my love and had become a daily drinker for 9 mos...and speed was becoming a regular....Work sent me home one day and through what i can only descirbe as a miraculous set of events that have shaped my ideas about recovery, I ended up in an AA meeting that night.

I started to put the rest of my story in here, but it is way way too long so: here is the short version.

Got 2.5 years sober with an HP. Didn't deal with some underliying issues. Drank.

Slip slided away...serial slipper i call it...for a number of years. Got sober in my 30s for 7 years..stopped attending AA after the 2nd year and used my buddhism to stay on track.

After 7 years sober and quite happy I casually picked up a drink and within a month was drinking a bottle or more a day, drinking before work, at lunch, all night...

After 7 years of drinking, or was it 8???....I finally got sober again (had been trying to for a good 4 years of the 7 i drank..maybe more)...

That was July of 2007. Found SR shortly thereafter.

So that was when i got almost 2 years sober here at SR. Shortly after July 4th, 2009 I relapsed. I spent the next 6 mos unable to stay sober. I went to rehab 3 times, quit my job, lived with my mom for a month, just couldn't get it.

SR rooted for me to get sober through this period. It was amazing...but i just couldn't get it...but none of you gave up

Then just before this past Christmas I met a man here at SR that was to become my sponsor. He talked with me for about 2 weeks before I finally got sober on December 31st, 2009.

So after 25 years in and out of AA (mostly in) and 2 years on SR....my life finally did a 180....

Today my life has more joy and beauty in it and i am able to see it, then ever! I understand the precious gift I have been given in sobriety, but i also understand that unless my personal growth with my HP continues....I will drink again...thats just the way it is for me.

Ok..thats the short version ...who's next!

HideorSeek

Thanks, Ananda, for sharing that. You are living proof that one must be ever vigilant. That is so against my nature, unfortunately. I have said b4 that I am a better sprinter, than long distance runner, and that pervades everything in my life. I am a very "destination", vs "Journey" type of person. I know that I cannot apply this type of thinking to my alcoholism, but am not certain how to "un-program" my self, if that makes any sense. I try to be vigilant, try to monitor any resentments, focus on gratitude, stay in the moment, respond rather than react and surround myself with recovery (AA, books, workbooks, SR, etc). And it seems to be working, but only time will tell, I guess. I do know that, although I remember the hellhole vividly, I feel so good right now, that I want more good, and more good and even more good (how alcoholic is that???). No longer running "from" (which I did initially), but running "toward".....

joinedintime

hideorseek,

what you said (...one must be ever vigilant. That is so against my nature, unfortunately. I have said b4 that I am a better sprinter, than long distance runner, and that pervades everything in my life. ) hits home for me. Give me a 100 yard dash full speed any time instead of a marathon. Just one of those things I need to work on, but I am finding I can make some progress on that as my sober time lengthens.

HideorSeek

Well, JIT, that's a relief because you are ahead of me in this "marathon", so your "view" gives me comfort that this aspect of my personality may change! One thing I have learned during my sobriety is that every time I think something is "set in stone" (my opinions, my feelings, a situation), it changes on me!!!

Ananda

thats great! the trick for me is to always keep an open mind and be willing to revisit past decisions of opinion and belief and allow change in myself to happen instead of clinging to yesterdays me

Ananda

wow guys..it's gonna be a challenge to keep our class on the front page in newcomers!

Maybe it's a sign we all need to be sharing our journey together more!

I had to stop sorting papers last night and went to bed a little shooken...i'm trying not to delve into reading beyond what is necesssary to sort and file right now.

I know I have to take a fresh look at my past soon in order to progress and stay sober...but i'm really not quite ready yet...still on 1/2/3

I went downstairs this morning to get something and saw Chris's bottle.....I think this is the first time i have seen one in years.....he usually keeps them away from site.

I didn't feel any draw to drink, but was suprised that i really "noted" that it was there...I realize that if I get rocky today..that image is in my head....

So...I may have to revisit alchohol in my house rules...perhaps i just need to remind him to keep it out of sight....

joinedintime

Don't worry about being on page one because that just speaks to the frequency of posts not the quality.

So what is this task you're working on with sorting papers? Do you have any good tricks to getting that done and/or for keeping up with it. Seems like I'm always looking for something I know I have somewhere.

Ananda

well..i threw all the papers in boxes...4 large ones...now they are in this room scattered around and i go through each peice and file it under the name of the person or part of life it references....I try not to focus on details of things..just enough to get the files set up...i can cruise down memory lane in more detail another time...thing for now is to organize.

I need a job JIT...if you hire me i'll help you out

joinedintime

wanna be my SR ghostwriter?
the pay is really bad but it could be fun

Philly

Hi All,

I like all the action going on here. Welcome to all those who stopped by. I will try and tell you a little bit about myself but I usually start rambling. Unlike most I didn't start drinking until I was about 40. I was that person who nursed a glass of wine for 2 hours. My husband always drank too much and I was even told if you can't beat him join him.

My kids became adults and I thought I missed my young adulthood so I felt like it was my time to party. It took about 5 years to progress to bad but it lasted another 3 years. By the time I stopped I would drink all weekend long and any other day that I didn't work. If I was off for a week I drank for a week. My tolerance just kept growing and I needed more to feel good. Everyone was saying I was drinking too much so then I just started hiding how much I drank. Then I started the black out thing. This really scared me but I still needed a push to stop. I quit on 07/23/08. This was my first time trying to quit and I am pretty stubborn. I did the same thing with cigarettes in 1988. I was told I couldn't do it and never picked up another one. Alcohol was much more difficult but I think no one thought I would give it up for good.

I am still not convinced whether I am an alcoholic but I know I was acting like one so I will assume if I drink again I will not be satisfied with one or two drinks. I think in the beginning it would probably be doable but then what. I feel like I would be thinking about drinking all the time. So for this part of my life I am not testing the waters. I had told myself to give it up for a set amount of time I could drink. I started with 3 months which was the hardest. The first Christmas holiday I didn't even want to hear a christmas carol. But everything has pasted and the longer I get into sobriety the less I even want just one drink.

So like I said I start to ramble but if anyone has any questions I would be glad to answer. My "story" is a little unusual I just think we take different paths and end up at the same point. There are some normal drinkers but in my world it seems like most are at the least problem drinkers. I had a hard time labeling myself a problem drinker or alcoholic but in the end I think it doesn't matter what label you use.

HideorSeek

Thanks, Philly, for the background. I could relate to a lot of what you said. Like you, I have wondered whether I am a "problem", vs a "real"...but have come to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter: I am way happier, much more "settled" and if I'm wrong? Well, it's just not worth it to go there. So, you are right on, in my book. I have a family gene pool, as well, that gives me a better chance of alcoholism than of brown eyes! But like you, I drank socially for many years. It took the perfect storm of our 2 girls in adolescence and the deaths of my mother and both my in laws to push me over the "edge". And like you, when everyone said, you are drinking too much, I started to hide it....

Oh, and one other possible connection between us...I grew up outside Philadelphia and the culture there, growing up, was drink, drink drink. My parents would always have cocktails...in fact I'm not sure if I recall any adults who didn't drink daily.

Philly

Yes Hide and Seek alcohol is everywhere and in 2000 we got a shore house in Wildwood, NJ. That is all everyone does down the shore. When we first got our house I was really a non-drinker. By the time I was done I was drinking more than those that drink all the time for their whole lives. I think that switch literally went on. I could drink more than grown man who like I said seem to drink for a living. I don't know if I lit a switch that was always waiting to be turned on. Funny you say in-laws my mother in-law told me if you can't beat em join them. I surpassed everyone.

joinedintime

It is truly amazing how much of how many people's lives revolve around alcohol.
Have you seen the commercial where the guy's house and everything in it is made of of Bud Lite cans? And then they find out that they're all full and it's like kids in a candy store.

Or the Captain Morgan one where everyone turns in their keys when arriving for the party? Which of course means everyone it about to get drunk.

So while the alcohol pushers are glorifying this lifestyle they have the nerve to say "Drink responsibly"

Yeah right, I'll bet less than a third of their income is from "responsible drinkers".