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Old 04-11-2010, 09:22 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Hi Maryrita...Welcome to SR,..Reachin out to people that have done this...theres a lot of real sound people here..who have overcome all this and gone on to live happy fullfilling lives...you will get a lot of help an support here...livin in a pokey apartment with not so nice neighbours..i know about..and its not nice when you wish to live your life quietly, minding your own buisness...and others have some intrusive habits of seeing your life as a free soap opera...been there done that...irelands a big place with hardly any people..can you not relocate to a more rural setting..were you have good neighbours...best of luck..
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Old 04-11-2010, 09:34 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi MaryRita,

Welcome!

I do remember being awake during the night as others slept and being so, so scared. What an awful feeling!

I hope that you will find support here and stop drinking. If you are pregnant now, there is every reason for you to pay attention to the unborn baby's needs, as well as your other child. Take a look around here and you will see that you can stop drinking and live a sober life.
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Old 04-11-2010, 11:15 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome, MaryRita!

I also used to wake up terrified after a bout of heavy drinking - later found out it was my body's reaction to trying to rid itself of the toxins of alcohol since alcohol affects the central nervous system.

Glad you saw your GP - keeping him/her involved in the detox stage is very important.

It all has to start with putting down the drink, getting honest and reaching out for help. Sounds like you did and that's a good beginning. This is a great place with people who've been where you're at. Typing/talking out loud really helps to ease the stress, so please continue to do so! Take care.
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Old 04-11-2010, 11:28 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR! Lots of support and information here. I wish you the best on your sober journey.
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Old 04-11-2010, 11:44 AM   #5 (permalink)
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But last Tuesday and Wednesday I drank two litres of whiskey. Woke up about three in the morning and spent the next three hours scared out of my life, never felt so scared. My husband and youngest son slept soundly and I was just so scared.
Mary:

I can relate to so much in your post. In the last year of my drinking, I had "morning terrors." Don't know how else to describe them. I just woke up utterly terrified.

My daughter was taken away from me by my mother because I couldn't be a mother in my condition. I also functioned well in certain areas of my life. I made sure I was not only good, but the best at what I did so I could protect my drinking. I had panic attacks often--that sense of losing control and wanting to jump right out of my skin. I hurt a lot of people as well, and the ones I hurt most were the ones who loved and cared for me.

I got sober through AA. I was able to work through the anger, guilt, blame, self-pity by means of a good sponsor who guided me through the program and shared what happened to her. I found a way to live a decent life without alcohol. I also found people who shared my problem and the solution to it. I have a new life today. Alcohol is not a part of it. My daughter lives with me again and I'm learning to be a mom. I have my ups and downs. I am, after all, living life today instead of merely existing with a drink in my hand. I wish you the best in your journey.
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Old 04-11-2010, 11:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome MaryRita-

Honesty with oneself is a very important first step. We've all been there. Your story is like so many of us on this site.

I used AA and it has been very successful for me. Alcohol is very cunning, baffling, and powerful. You can't do it alone.

If you need to go to rehab, just do it. Your life, the life of your unborn child, and your family depend on it.

Keep posting. Welcome. Glad you are here.
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Old 04-11-2010, 01:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
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MaryRita,

I'm sorry about the loss of your mother.

You're right about the alcohol filling a void. That's why we use it. It numbs us and it works for a little while to make things bearable. But, before we know it, it is controlling us and destroying our lives.

You can do this!
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Old 04-11-2010, 01:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Could you'r docter not sort out rehab thay can in the uk not to shure about
ireland. it's free on the national health and i'm shure you would be a priority
good luck
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Old 04-12-2010, 09:25 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Dear MaryRita,

I'm really glad you found this site as it will give you a tremendous amount of strength and support. I'm so sorry about the loss of your Mother and the difficult times you are going through.. I also agree with Anna and Clifty: you need to now look after yourself and your precious little one. Maybe you could get to an AA meeting in your local area which would also be a way of meeting new people and making friends too?

I just got over the 60 days sober mark last week and feel so good about it and getting stronger day by day. I had a bit of bad news on Friday/Saturday - which in the past would have made me reach for the bottle of wine - but it didn't enter my head! For once I communicated openly with my husband, had a cry (which I rarely do) and tried to work through it together not 'cover it up' and keep it all inside with the drink. It just makes me even more determined to keep going. I'm sure you can do it too if you take it day by day. Please stay in touch with us here and let us know how you're doing.

Big hugs,

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Old 04-12-2010, 01:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Maryrita hug

Youre not alone on this journey. I am also a mother to 3 & wife. I'm from ireland also. I was a functioning alcoholic & like you didnt know my youngest child to be honest i resented her, i terrified her & drank more on the guilt of not being able to be a good mother & wife.
15 months ago i had enuf like u i was on a bender came too & just wanted to die, i asked god to let me die...............but he obviously had other plans for me lol .
I find this site wonderful as i can identify with so many ppl day & night they are here for me on this site so i never have to be alone.
I'm in recovery 15months now, the best thing i have ever done & also one of the haredest. I had to accept i had no idea how to live, how to be a mother, wife, daughter, sister.... i had no social skills at all . Today is different i am willing to learn & even though there are hard days, i have the tools through AA to help me.
I hope to see you around this site & if i can be of any help just ask.
Well done on your honesty for me its what keeps me sober.
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Old 04-12-2010, 01:53 PM   #11 (permalink)
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MaryRita - it's wonderful you've joined us. After I found SR I no longer felt alone, and got the courage to stop a 25 year habit. I was drinking round the clock in the end, totally miserable and sick. It was no longer fun or relaxing - it was sucking the life out of me. We use it to comfort us, and it does just the opposite.

I know what you mean about the isolation - I had used alcohol to feel less shy, but in the end I had no interest in going anywhere or socializing. I had created a living hell for myself and could not see the way out. Please do not lose heart - I am now over 2 yrs. sober after never imagining my life without it! You can do this - please keep posting.
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Old 04-12-2010, 01:56 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I'm late on the welcoming wagon for you MaryRita, but welcome any ways. I read your story and please do NOT feel anything else but a person that happens to be an alcoholic and cannot drink alcohol. I am a mother too and my husband did the mothering to our now 7 year old son for years. I functioned just fine during the day, but once he came home I handed all responsibility over to him.

I am 43 years old (soon to be 44) and by the Grace of God my husband has stuck with me and I am finally sober and able to mother our son. I tell you I am trying to make up for lost time. I volunteer all the time now at his school and I try to do what I can to stay busy and become a better sober parent. If I concentrate too much on the past I know I am trouble because I start feeling sorry for me, for my family and ouch!

My only advice to you is to "try" to stay in the day and KNOW with your heart and soul that you can change. Do whatever it takes to stay sober. If SR works great. If you need some one on one encouragement then go to AA and do the steps. Do anything but drink.

I drank for 20 some years and was sober for my pregnancy, but that was about it. If this Mom can become sober then anyone can. I promise you that.

Welcome again!!
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Old 04-12-2010, 03:54 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi Mary Rita
belated welcome

There's such a lot of good advice here I don't think I have anything to add...I hope you make that meeting tho

good to have you with us!
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