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dont get it

Old 04-06-2010, 12:44 AM
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Unhappy dont get it

i come on this site and go to meetings almost every day. most people seem pretty happy and doing well with their new found sobriety. i thought that all my problems would go away when I got sober (4 months ago) but all I've found is that they've gotten worse. I'm more miserable now then I've ever been. I think about suicide almost every other day. I feel so separate from everyone and everything and the loneliness is unbearable.

My only conclusion is that I havn't found a sponsor yet and started the steps. But still, there are a lot of other people like that at the meetings and on here as well. Somehow they are so positive and happy with just being of drugs/drinking? Now that I'm sober I feel like my alcoholism/drug addiction is in full effect and making it VERY hard to keep going day to day.

I know you shouldn't go around wallowing in self pity and depression, but I can't help it! Why do happy people **** me off? Why do all the people who seem to get along and click with other people mystify me?

Am I truly an addict or is there someone else going on with me? Life is so boring sober for me, I'm never happy where I am.

Thanks for listening.

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Old 04-06-2010, 01:11 AM
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I think loneliness is a difficult thing for all human beings to cope with. We need to be able to talk to others, to chill out and enjoy other people around us. Isolated we become depressed and suicidal. The only way out of it I guess is to reach out to others and hope they reach back. Most people will respond for they too, need other people around them.
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Old 04-06-2010, 01:15 AM
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Hi mburnsc

I remember it took me about 3-4 months to feel anywhere near normal, so maybe you're not as badly off as you might think? I dunno how many years you drank for, but it might take several months to reset yourself...

I also think it's a little risky to compare ourselves to others - it's your recovery after all - noone elses, and whats the AA saying about beware of comparing your insides to others outsides?

I think there's some truth in that.

I think ultimately, though, if we're not happy we have a right to ask why....noone gets sober to be miserable....

so why not start the steps if you're already an AA member?
Why not see a Dr or a counsellor to make sure there's nothing physical or psychological going on?

I think doing something always beats feeling miserable

D
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Old 04-06-2010, 01:35 AM
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Well first lets agree that you have no idea how happy people are behind closed doors no matter what they present to you in AA, on SR or passing in the street...you won't be able to see people for how they really are until you understand yourself which is working the steps.

I did the dry drunk thing for 5 months last year and anyone you asked would say that i was happy go lucky and would comment i wish i was like cliff nothing gets him down and he has everything going for him! Inside i was dead and wanted to die!

So get a sponsor and work the steps already;-)

As Dee says don't compare your insides to everybody elses outsides, very few people portray how they really are and feel, and any fool can act out being happy and positive...you are a bit lost IMO so take some action!
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Old 04-06-2010, 01:49 AM
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Great advice from Dee and Yeahgr8. Doing something is always going to help IMHO.
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Old 04-06-2010, 02:34 AM
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Thanks guys. I guess what's stopping me is I've always had trouble socializing so I don't have it in me right now to reach out and get a sponsor. I don't even know who to ask to be honest.

I wish I could at least fake it, my insides match my outsides so its real easy for people to see how bad I'm doing.

thanks again everyone.
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Old 04-06-2010, 03:49 AM
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Im not sociable either, you can ring before you go if you like so you know a name when you get there...you are going to save your life not to make friends...you really could go now instead of seeing the inevitable happen like i did by not going, it really does get worse after a period of abstinance if you drink again...hope you do go:-)
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Old 04-06-2010, 06:07 AM
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Why not share at your next meeting that you're looking for a sponsor?
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Old 04-06-2010, 06:58 AM
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hello there.
i think what you are going through is very normal for an alcoholic.
booze was my "solution" to life.....so take that away and after the initial "pink cloud" of being away from the stuff,things can get pretty grim.
i hated all the happy folk,now im one of them,but only through hard work.
i didnt want to ask someone to be my sponsor,levelling of pride and all that and doing things my way all my life it was against the grain.
but after going to AA meetings nearly every day and sometimes twice,calling 4,5,6,folk a day from the fellowship after a month i drank again.i can assure you i didnt want to.i am powerless.i realised after that last drink that my life depended on getting a sponsor and working the steps.
so i made a descision to put as much work into getting well as i did in my drinking career.
we dont get well in the rooms by osmosis im afraid.we have to ask for help and get to work.
you are in my prayers..
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Old 04-06-2010, 07:00 AM
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Originally Posted by mburnsc View Post
i come on this site and go to meetings almost every day. most people seem pretty happy and doing well with their new found sobriety. i thought that all my problems would go away when I got sober (4 months ago) but all I've found is that they've gotten worse. I'm more miserable now then I've ever been. I think about suicide almost every other day. I feel so separate from everyone and everything and the loneliness is unbearable.

My only conclusion is that I havn't found a sponsor yet and started the steps. But still, there are a lot of other people like that at the meetings and on here as well. Somehow they are so positive and happy with just being of drugs/drinking? Now that I'm sober I feel like my alcoholism/drug addiction is in full effect and making it VERY hard to keep going day to day.

I know you shouldn't go around wallowing in self pity and depression, but I can't help it! Why do happy people **** me off? Why do all the people who seem to get along and click with other people mystify me?

Am I truly an addict or is there someone else going on with me? Life is so boring sober for me, I'm never happy where I am.

Thanks for listening.

I suffer from both depression and mania.

I've figured out a healthy diet, regimented exercise/sleep, refraining from substance use or abuse and constant interaction with friends and families keep any symptoms at bay. (go figure..)

If anyone ever feels like ****, I'm always an open ear.
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Old 04-06-2010, 07:10 AM
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Hi,

You've gotten lots of good advice here.

I had to get my depression properly treated before I could begin to recover. For me the depression had always been there, long before the drinking. Maybe that's the case for you? I think you will find that if you take action to help yourself, you will start to feel better.
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Old 04-06-2010, 09:23 AM
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Hi mburnsc

It took me some time to learn how I could change my outlook on life. I have been able to develop healthy attitudes that allow me to deal with situations that once frustrated me. Getting sober was just a start of the learning process. Learning how to live peacefully with life's twists and turns keeps me on the path of a happy density.

Keep seeking solutions to your difficulties and life can become a joyful experience and the sorrows can be endured with hope.
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Old 04-06-2010, 09:27 AM
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Originally Posted by mburnsc View Post
most people seem pretty happy and doing well with their new found sobriety.
I think this is a critical point. For someone that has a drinking problem, stopping drinking makes everything better. They look better, feel better, life gets back on track. No more jails, angry spouses, missed days at work. Life is good. The days just get better.

For someone that has a drinking solution, however, the real alcoholic, the days generally get worse without drinking. We are restless, irritable and discontent. It sounds like that describes you at 4 months without drinking. That's the people the Big Book was written by and who it was written for.

The solution for those other people, just going to meetings, making new sober friends, finding new sober activities, just doesn't work for the alkie described in the Big Book.

If you identify with that bored, irritable, discontent, life sucks feeling you describe, you may need the real solution. It's clearly outlined in the Big Book. Just don't expect someone whose life doesn't depend on it to be able to show you how to work the Steps. Find somebody who desperately needs that solution and have them show you how to do it.

Don't feel bad, mburnsc. It happens all the time. Some real alcoholic sits in the rooms for months and doesn't hear the solution because it's drowned out by a bunch of fellowship stuff that is insufficient for the real alcoholic to recover. Find the solution, which is to have a spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps.
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Old 04-06-2010, 11:00 AM
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Originally Posted by mburnsc View Post
My only conclusion is that I havn't found a sponsor yet and started the steps. But still, there are a lot of other people like that at the meetings and on here as well. Somehow they are so positive and happy with just being of drugs/drinking?
Yes, there are a lot of people in AA who give up drinking and feel better and for someone new coming into the fellowship it can be difficult to see who are those happy with just giving up drinking and who are those who have had a spiritual awakening by working the 12 Steps.

I will stress what Keith says - he said it was critical and it is. I didn't have a drinking problem (which got better when I stopped), I had a drinking solution. When I took away the drink (my solution), my life got worse.

I am a real alcoholic who cannot make myself feel better by changing my lifestyle, thinking positive thoughts, and knowledge that I am an alcoholic.

Fortunately, there is a book written for people just like me and in it contains a simple program of recovery to find a happy, joyous and free life...... without alcohol. The book is called Alcoholics Anonymous.

A suggestion for you - why not try sharing in meetings how bad your life has got now that you have given up drinking.

I know that if I heard someone share that in the meeting, I would talk to them after the meeting and tell how I used to be just like that and how my life is now that I am working the 12 step program.

You may just find that potential sponsors approach you, people who know exactly what it is like to be a alcoholic like you and can only recover with a spiritual solution. Reach out for help - they are in the rooms.
Take care.
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Old 04-06-2010, 11:16 AM
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Originally Posted by intention View Post
You may just find that potential sponsors approach you, people who know exactly what it is like to be a alcoholic like you and can only recover with a spiritual solution.
Good stuff, intention! I forget that a lot of would be sponsors don't approach the newcomer. She's right, mburnsc. If you express in a good meeting what you are saying here, you will scare off most of the people who aren't serious because they don't have to be. And you will attract those guys that are such losers they have to work this thing like their life depends on it. We happy few.

It's like blood in the water around my group. But in a good way.
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Old 04-06-2010, 11:22 AM
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Yes, I agree.

We have to find a new way to deal with life, deal with our ups and downs and we have to learn slowly, but surely that we can do it.
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Old 04-06-2010, 11:47 AM
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Unfortunately I still drink but my core issue is also loneliness.
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Old 04-06-2010, 12:20 PM
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Originally Posted by mburnsc View Post
i come on this site and go to meetings almost every day. most people seem pretty happy and doing well with their new found sobriety. i thought that all my problems would go away when I got sober (4 months ago) but all I've found is that they've gotten worse. I'm more miserable now then I've ever been. I think about suicide almost every other day. I feel so separate from everyone and everything and the loneliness is unbearable.

My only conclusion is that I havn't found a sponsor yet and started the steps. But still, there are a lot of other people like that at the meetings and on here as well. Somehow they are so positive and happy with just being of drugs/drinking? Now that I'm sober I feel like my alcoholism/drug addiction is in full effect and making it VERY hard to keep going day to day.

I know you shouldn't go around wallowing in self pity and depression, but I can't help it! Why do happy people **** me off? Why do all the people who seem to get along and click with other people mystify me?

Am I truly an addict or is there someone else going on with me? Life is so boring sober for me, I'm never happy where I am.

Thanks for listening.

2 things might help,.........do the steps!
,..............stop comparing yourself to others!


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Old 04-06-2010, 12:23 PM
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Originally Posted by ferrari355 View Post
Unfortunately I still drink but my core issue is also loneliness.
if you're comfortable with your own company you are never alone,...maybe get to know yourself?

Start with some old childhood hobbies or interests?
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Old 04-06-2010, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by mburnsc View Post

I wish I could at least fake it, my insides match my outsides so its real easy for people to see how bad I'm doing.

It might be interesting to ask a familiar or semi-familiar face at your next meeting what they think. Perspective is an easy thing to lose.
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