mburnsc

thanks people. a lot of wise and encouraging words in those posts and it helps to get an outside opinion because the only real life people i talk to are my parents and they are alcoholics too and in their disease.

i definitely can relate with what keithj said about taking away the solution (alcohol) and you are irritable and discontent. thats me without a doubt. its actually scaring me because i thought i had problems when i was using, but this is the craziest, most depressed ive ever been.

so i have some things to think about. maybe get on some medication and go to therapy? share in the meetings about where im at? i dunno, ive been thinking about that a lot but i always chicken out at the last moment and say "hi im corey, im an alcoholic and im just gonna listen tonight" instead.

i think part of why everyone seems to happy to me is because there is a lot of good recovery in the rooms im in. the chairperson, after giving out the chips, mentioned how many people here have a year or more sober to encourage the new people that it is possible. about 3/4 of the room put their hands up! i couldnt believe it.

im basically just not sure which route i should take right now, my mom keeps telling me i should get on medication because i keep talking about suicide and i cry all the time, but at the same time i feel that wont work because ive been on that before and it just numbs me.

thanks again for sharing with me everyone.

CarolD

corey,

How about talking to one of those sober people
one on one? Ask them about spnsorship and
how to begin Step work.

If you started the Steps...go back to Step One
with a fresh resolve and maybe a new sponsor.

For me....Steps are what keep me moving forward
Yes! you too can find the joy of living.

mburnsc

I'm hoping to get the courage to do that soon. I've been praying a lot for an answer, for strength and the courage to be able to do that. It's hard for a guy like me though, that has always had "people" problems. All I can feel in a meeting is extreme anxiety and can only talk if people take the initiative for me.

We'll see what happens, I'll give it a little more time I suppose.

mburnsc

I feel bad for bringing all this negativity on the board. I was feeling so positive about this last week and it's like it's taken a 180 degree turn on me. It's frightening when you realize that you are able to accomplish and overcome so many things in life, but in this aspect, im so useless and unable to will or figure my way out of it! god i hate self pity

SeekSobriety

Please do not apologize. What you speak about is very real and many if not all of us can relate to it on some level.
Alcohol and drugs masked my depression, initially it kept me happy for at least a hour or two. The next day was a different story. Once we remove that crutch and are facing the issues that the Alcohol was masking, it can be real tough in the beginning until we learn how to deal with ourselves. Getting sober initially did not make me magically feel better but it did allow me to help myself get better with lots of hard work. Seeing a therapist/Dr. and going to meetings and finding a great sponsor along with exercise and treating my body well have all helped me immensely. It did not happen overnight but I can now say 1 year and a half sober that things have gotten a lot better in my life. I still have down days but at least I know I am sober and am working on my problems instead of running from them and destroying my life further by drinking and using. Thank you for sharing and thank you for letting me share.
It will get better, I highly recommend seeing a therapist or a doctor who specializes in addiction medicine and depression in addition to meetings and finding a sponsor who "has what you want" in terms of sobriety etc.
All the best to you!

Womble

Don't worry Burnsey..you are not alone, I have been attending aa for a year now off and on...but a lot more on than off, probably did 200 metings.
I still don't get it either, I am paranoid that pople don't like me and that they are talking about me behind my back, I am as it says in the book "Glum" thats where I am right now, but the few freinds I have there say that it will get better, but this "life beyond my wildest dreams" sounds like a fairy story. I have had the same sponser for 10 months now, but we have not got past step one becuase of all my relapses. I an stuck between a rock and a hard place, and JUST FOR ME...I am cosidering alternatives to aa now and have stopped going to meetings as of yesterday, I will be seeing a shrink soon and my doc has put me on some "Happy Pills" to keep me going
Good Luck to you

keithj

Possibly. Or, since you identify with the alcoholic description and mindset described in the BB, maybe that BB solution works for you as well as it did for them that wrote it and those who follow it.

Pg 25, starting with italics, gives the answer. It's a binary system for many of us. No 3rd option available. One of two choices to make.