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Old 01-24-2010, 02:47 PM
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Hi Jan,

Welcome!

I'm glad you have decided to live a sober life.
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Old 01-24-2010, 02:47 PM
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Excellent step in the right direction honey! What you wrote was the same situation i was in, feeling hopeless.

By going to AA I found hope and then a solution.

I really wish you all the best tonight, it will be the best move you ever made.
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Old 01-24-2010, 02:50 PM
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I could write a book that rivals "War and Peace" in response to your post. Instead, I'll just say: Good luck with your first AA meeting. Maybe your friend who's accompanying you will also get something out of the meeting to prompt her to take the path of quitting..just like you're doing.

Good luck and best wishes!
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Old 01-24-2010, 03:01 PM
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Welcome Jan. You are very self-aware, & that's going to help. I know what you mean about trying to hide it from people. Once I stopped doing that & it was all out in the open, I felt SO much better - a huge burden was lifted from me.

When I was in my 30's I had many of the same thoughts you have, but I ignored them and kept justifying my behavior. 20 yrs. later my life was a shambles, and my health was suffering. The way you describe your drinking you may end up in the same state. Be proud of yourself for coming to this decision and wanting a better life.

Let us know how it's going for you!
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Old 01-24-2010, 03:11 PM
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Honey, you CAN go to a meeting by yourself. If you will, I'd like to share my first experience with you. My fiance' was an alcoholic and an addict. He overdosed in our bed Thanksgiving. So I woke up next to him dead. I drank a small bottle of vodka (which I would N-E-V-E-R dream of doing...but I did) I fell in a drunken stupor right on my eye. I smashed the cell phone into my face and the floor and the result was incredibly noticeable black eye. It looked like I'd been in a fight and lost. I was encouraged to go to a meeting in order to get a grip on this isn't my problem and stop blaming myself for his addicitons and look after myself kind of thing. Well, I made quite an entrance and it was memorable. Dear, if I can walk into a church, in my town, where everyone knew he was an addict and now dead with a black eye...........you can do this! Admission is the first step. Walking through the door to a meeting is childsplay. Keep posting. We are here for you.
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Old 01-24-2010, 03:28 PM
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Big Step you're taking. I hope you'll find the courage to step out on your own to a meeting also. Two newbies clinging together can be a wee bit crazy, so please make sure to find support. My home group is a women's group. Just wanted to point out that those do exsist (although some don't like the whole gender seperation thing tho). I think it takes some of the dreaded fear away from some women in the beginning (like me).

Anyway, I'm happy for you. Literally. I have a smile on my face right now. :-)
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Old 01-24-2010, 03:33 PM
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Hi jan24 and welcome to SR.

Please let us know how it goes at AA. You are taking a big step but it is into a solution.

If your other friend, who you called and said your drinking was OK, is a drinker herself, then I wouldn't pay to much attention to her saying you are not so bad. People who drink too much don't like to hear it when others say they need to quit because they drink too much - it's too much like looking in a mirror.

Keep us posted.
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Old 01-24-2010, 03:39 PM
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Congrats on your decision to live a sober life. It's so much simpler to live sober. Don't have to lie or hide or pretend, and don't have to ask anyone what you did last night or where you went and how you got home.

Welcome to SR!
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Old 01-24-2010, 04:02 PM
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Welcome Jan
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Old 01-24-2010, 04:09 PM
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Good plan.....

Welcome to the posting side of SR....
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Old 01-24-2010, 05:12 PM
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Welcome!

I could've written your story verbatim as my own so no need to worry about being 'found out' here.

You're in great company with people who understand where you're at and can support you.

I've always felt safe here.

Look forward to hearing more from you.

HB
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Old 01-24-2010, 06:07 PM
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Glad You found us Jan and I'm glad you decided to go to a Meeting. Like someone else said, you can go to a Meeting by yourself, but I understand the first time you being a little scared. Hopefully your friend will have a few things click in her head as well. But just make sure that you focus on your Recovery and not hers. If she decides to not go back, I hope you don't let that influence you. You have to be selfish to a certain extent in Recovery. . . this is your life, not anyone elses. When my partying friends found out I was done with the drugs and alcohol and going to Meetings, they did everything to convince me I was fine, I didn't need to quit. After all, weren't we all having fun? I didn't think still being half drunk going into work was fun. It wasn't fun not remembering what I did the night before. Spending a ton of money in one night, just to have the hangover from hell wasn't fun to me. I sure could relate to the part where you said you'd stop to have 1 or 2 drinks and then leave. I always either closed down the bar or got so drunk that someone had to take me home.

I hope you come back and let us know what you thought about the Meeting. If the first one wasn't your cup of tea, try another one. Not all Meetings are for everyone. I encourage you to go to Beginners Meetings. There are always people with a good amt of Sobriety who come to Beginners Meetings to help the Newcomer on their way, to share their experience, strength and hope. Get other women's phone numbers so when the urge hits to drink, you can give them a call. After all, that's why they come to Beginners Meetings because if they want to keep what they have, they have to give it away. They all were where you are right now.

God Bless,
Judy
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Old 01-24-2010, 09:00 PM
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Jan,
Wow - so many things you posted I could've written exactly. It's amazing to me how many people in our situation, have the same experiences...go down the same road, only to wind up trying to control the drinking and failing time after time.

I got to a point where I just couldn't stand the self-loathing of it. Every weekend I'd say to myself, THIS time will be different. Yeah, right. Not so much. And every time I'd fail, I'd just feel such shame, guilt and anxiety over what might've been said or done, that I just couldn't stand it anymore, and decided, "Enough!". I like you said to myself that it's time to "grow up" - the party girl thing definitely isn't 'cute' anymore when you're approaching your mid-40's. My main regret is that I should've quit years ago.

I hope you stay here and keep posting. This is the most supportive place, and safe place that I've found to post. I have really enjoyed finding others who truly understand the thoughts and feelings that go along with this problem. And seeing others' posts, posts that I could've practically written word for word myself (like yours), helps me understand that I'm not just overreacting about this. It helps me understand that I do have an actual problem that only I can fix. It helps me see how others have done it, and how I might proceed.

Best to you and peace...
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Old 01-24-2010, 09:22 PM
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I'm so glad you meeting went well! I'm new to this site too and 8 days sober today. So far SR has been working for me, but I still might like to check out some meetings myself in the near future! Welcome and congrats on trying to make a positive change!!!!
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Old 01-25-2010, 12:24 AM
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Hi Jan, that's great you got to the meeting and are going to go back. I think when you go on your own you will find yourself more able to relax and perhaps even share.

We do say to look out for similarities when hearing others share rather than differences as it is all to easy to say to yourself "I'm not a drunk like that person". It's good that you heard some inspirational thoughts.
Stick with us.
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Old 01-25-2010, 09:26 AM
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Congrats! The older men in the meetings made me feel like I didn't belong at first. Now one of my best buddies is old enough to be my grandpa. We think the same. Same immaturity level. ;-)

You'll have the most diverse set of friends before you know it. People that from the outside have no business being pals!
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Old 01-25-2010, 12:55 PM
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Jan,

I'm a guy, but other than that tiny little detail, your story is incredibly similar to mine. Well, I would say it was incredible, but I've been going to AA for a few weeks now, so I now understand that there are many many people in this world just like us, and they have found a way to be sober and be happy. I'm trying to get that for myself. I hope you find it too. Best of luck to you.
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Old 01-25-2010, 11:52 PM
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hey jan,

welcome to SR..
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Old 01-26-2010, 12:27 AM
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Welcome Jan, I hope and pray you hear something that will spark movement in the right direction.:day6
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:07 AM
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Hi Jan24,

Welcome to SR......Such a huge step reaching out AND already attending a meeting is tremendous......Good for You!!!!

I am on day 26 and can relate to your whole story......your restlessness and wanting to try and do everything right now too!!! The Big Book of AA says some symptoms of the disease of addiction are ‘becoming bored, restless, and dis-content.’ I know I have to watch out for these feelings daily! Today, I feel like I should start training for a triathlon but I keep telling myself to take it slow and be gentle with myself......I have spent many years beating myself up......TODAY, I just want to feel good and praise myself that I have made the choice not to drink for today!!! Wow, that is BIG for me......I am going to be proud of me today and let the other stuff come in time. I put it off for so many years, I don't think a few more months will hurt! I

I also used alcohol to mask my feelings and problems.....the never ending cycle of drink, blackout, horrendous hangovers......guilt, shame, self-loathing.....if I could bottle those bad feeling and bring them back when I had a weak moment, I would never drink again.....but it is like having a baby, all memory of the pain....gone!! (Yep, I have 2 children!) Now as the embarrassment and shame roll through my mental movie collection., it re-assures me that I have made the right decision to quit drinking for good. I have many failed attempts at sobriety over the past 20 years, even rehab last year, only to give in to that ever-so-patient demon again and again! The spiral down comes quicker and stronger each time.....yes, that is exactly what I learned in rehab....it will just keep getting worse! Next time I may not live through another episode! I just read last night in "Beyond the Influence" that her daughter, Terry McGovern, walked out of a bar, intoxicated, stumbled into a snowbank and froze to death. That could very well of happened to me!

NOT TODAY!!

Reasons I think I relapsed:
1) I did NOT have a good support system in place to continue growing and learning in my new found sobriety!!
2) I was isolating and not attending meetings.
3) Dear hubby brought wine in the house for guests, thinking I was strong enough (Not!)
4) I was setting unrealistic goals and beating myself up for not reaching them!
5) Constant boredom, I didn't have a routine or structure in my life.
6) I was dwelling on resentments and past hurts!
7) I remember feeling overconfident……that drinking thinking crept in!!
8) I ignored relapse warning signs and triggers

Today, I have a sponsor/life coach, I am working on my spirituality and I am reading/posting on SR! My mind, my heart and my soul are open to any new/old ideas on recovery/sobriety. As I read your positive words about attending a meeting, along with so many others on SR, it is stirring my desire to add AA meetings too! I live overseas, in Qatar, and there is only 1 meeting each night at 7pm, very small, only 6 people but I am willing to do ANYTHING to stay sober! I need to learn new ways of spending time with people. I feel socially retarded, in all honesty!! I have been to 3 neighborhood feeding frenzies and ended up parked in the middle of the men cuz I don't know how to converse with the women! …….Also once a week, I host the neighborhood quilting group of ladies……our beloved teacher moved back to the states and I thought my taking over the commitment would be very helpful in my recovery!! My 3rd week and it has been very successful plus rewarding!!

Jan, I am looking forward to sharing your journey in sobriety!! Thank you for being here……it is so nice that I am not alone!! I find the support, kindness, knowledge and uplifting words on SR to be a daily recipe for my success today and in the future!!

Love and hugzzzzzzz,

~Kelly
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