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Struggling....

Old 01-17-2010, 07:42 AM
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Struggling....

Hey
I have gone through detox this year, and relapsed after couple of months. What a fight this is- I am hurting. Just wanting to stay in touch....I know what to do but I just dont do it. My work is going fantastic, family is good, I have no reason to let this crap dominate my life. Anyway just sharing, and bored. Hope you all have a great day.
Dub
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:50 AM
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Hey man, good to hear from you again!

Only when I stopped fighting and categorically admitted surrender and that king alcohol is more powerfull than I will ever be did I stand a chance of winning. I choose not to allow that poison in my life on a daily basis. Acceptance has been so liberating for me and also so important for my continued grateful sobriety.

All The best dude. Peace x
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:53 AM
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I have no reason to let this crap dominate my life.
This sounds like me word for word (your whole post actually).......I know exactly where you are my friend. Exactly. You will do what you know you have to when you are good and ready. It sounds like you are. You have always been a source of support for others here, myself included. Lean on us now! You can do this. Hugs. :ghug3
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:56 AM
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Do you use some kind of program? Lots of people here use AA, but there are secular alternatives. Some days a meeting is the only thing that keeps me sober.

I also cluster meetings around weekends which is always a danger zone....
There are lots of techniques that you can use to get through the struggle, one day at a time.
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Old 01-17-2010, 08:01 AM
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thanks man- appreciate that. I pretty much accomplish most things in my life effectively, this alcohol thing has been bad. I have a resume of addictions of my past and they are gone, but I never thought alcohol would be an issue. I didnt even like it when I started, is that a 'red flag'? This stuff is crazy. I guess I am numbing myself and really dont need to be numb.....
catch you later neo-
I appreciate your response
Dub
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Old 01-17-2010, 08:13 AM
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Hey Dub. I loved booze right from the get go. Everybody is different. Try not to analyse it all too much and just try to live in the solution rather than the problem. The analysis can start once you're living succussfully sober.

What I have learned is that peoples path to alcoholism are very, very different but the solution to that problem is the same. Total abstinance from that first drink on a daily basis and then working a programme which changes the way you think, feel and react to people/places/things.

I was also very successful at many things in my life but I came to realise with booze the problem was looking back at me everytime I looked in the mirror!! I had to change me in order to stay sober because I am an alcoholic thus my thinking is always gonna take me back to a drink eventually!!


peace and Love
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Old 01-17-2010, 08:28 AM
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Thanks Dude-
i have gone through so many things, in the music business most of my life and that has its associations.....well i do know that i am powerless over alcohol, i went to several very cool AA meetings and I like them. I need to get a plan. I am healthy and exercise and all that crap- just searching for a new way.
Peace and Love to All
Dub
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Old 01-17-2010, 08:44 AM
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Hi Dub-

A guy shared at a meeting yesterday that he is "51% wanting to stay sober and 49% wanting to go drink". He said as long as he wants to get and stay sober more than he wants to drink, he'll be ok.

It sounds like he was being very honest with himself about his ratio.

Just a question, not a statement or a "knock" on you. Do you really want to get and stay sober? I mean really want it with all the benifits and hardships that will come with it? All the changes you'll have to make in your life? Just something to think about.

I wish you all the luck, my friend.
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Old 01-17-2010, 09:10 AM
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Originally Posted by dedubya View Post
Anyway just sharing, and bored.
Dub
Hey Dub,

Bored - big vulnerability for me - am fine when things are busy, but when things simmer/quiet down, the thought of a drink stirring things up (no pun) sometimes seems like a good idea.

Guess I need to get myself busy on those down times...u too? Maybe? It's not for me to judge.

What didn't you like about drinking when you started? The taste? The affect? It's doing something (ie, numbing out) which is why we do/did it.

I loved when it did that for me too, until it stopped doing that and did other, very awful things, in time.

All the best,
Hb
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Old 01-17-2010, 09:32 AM
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Hi Dub,

I found giving up the last addiction was a huge struggle to terms with. It really was the end of the road. If I gave up the alcohol there was nothing else left.

Ironically in surrendering to the last addiction, I got the most relief I have ever felt.

You'll know when it is time to stop struggling and let go.
Keep sharing.
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Old 01-17-2010, 10:40 AM
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(((dubs)))

I'm sorry you're struggling. I know you've tried AA. Do you have any meetings you really enjoy? There's an interesting meeting on Sunday mornings on the beach at Rose St. You might check it out. And then have breakfast at the Firehouse. It's a nice way to start the day.

Good to see you again!

Love,

Lenina
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Old 01-17-2010, 12:46 PM
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Maybe you'd find the solution in the 12 steps..
the program of recovery written by drunks for drunks like you and me.

please dont do what i did and go to an AA meeting expecting to be struck down sober and full of glee....because for me and lots i see it dont happen.

i did what i thought was the right thing....fight it.......do battle with it.
and go to AA and moan how hard it is.
when it fact i found the opposite gave me great relief...as some have mentioned......i cant do battle with it.........it whips me every time.

ill do you a deal..........you do a set of steps.....all twelve with guidance from someone that has recovered........do it with the passion you do your drinking.........do it with gut level honesty......leave NO stone unturned..

and if your still drinking and dont feel any better ill give you back the money it cost you for the big book........how that for a challenge.

and if it does work.........you go and share it with a newcomer.

you up for it or what?
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Old 01-17-2010, 01:17 PM
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well ddub, I feel your pain. I am in kinda the same boat so have no advice but alot of good wishes coming your way. When you get the secret let me know cuz I am sick of this ride.
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Old 01-17-2010, 01:54 PM
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I can relate to where you are. I had good jobs which, in all reality, should have been enough in themselves but they were not. In the success of the job something in was still lacking, or so I was lead to believe from within. I'm sure aware of the seemingly bottomless hole inside we try to fill with work, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, gambling, on and on... Whatever I did was not enough. I always had to something else. That "need" drove to the point of death several times but did not win out. Finally, after decades I found that surrender where there was total agreement on every level of my being "I am a alcoholic, drug addict, and don't know how to live. In that moment life changed. I had admitted to my innermost self what and who I am and it became my responsibility to change, to use some program of recovery and adhere to it. At times it has been anything but easy yet I am much happier than I ever was before.
When you are ready you will know and not before.....Once you cross that threshold you will see for yourself how wonderful life is, pleasure-pain and all..........

Good luck until.................
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Old 01-17-2010, 01:58 PM
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Everybody is different. Try not to analyse it all too much and just try to live in the solution rather than the problem. The analysis can start once you're living succussfully sober.
Quoted for awesomeness. I need to hear that daily. Thanks, Neo.
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Old 01-17-2010, 02:04 PM
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Wink

Originally Posted by dedubya View Post
Hey
I have gone through detox this year, and relapsed after couple of months. What a fight this is- I am hurting. Just wanting to stay in touch....I know what to do but I just dont do it. My work is going fantastic, family is good, I have no reason to let this crap dominate my life. Anyway just sharing, and bored. Hope you all have a great day.
Dub
Dub.. thanks for sharing.. i could Not Stop Until i Became Willing.. Keep Trying My Friend!
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Old 01-17-2010, 02:29 PM
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A lot of good advice here Dub.
Here's my .02 LOL

I need to get a plan.
A plan can start today - make a commitment not to drink today, go to a meeting...check out alternatives to 12 step if that's not your scene....

Only you can get yourself out of this Dub. It really is up to you.
Talk, and planning is good, but you need to start 'doing' my friend.

D
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Old 01-17-2010, 05:57 PM
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Thanks everyone- you're a great group of friends. I feel the support and will continue...
Dub
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Old 01-18-2010, 02:48 PM
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Hi Dub! Good to see you around and I am proud of you for realizing that what you are doing isn't working.
Don't feel bad, even I smoked crack when I was having a great day. Didn't matter if I was happy, sad, angry, depressed, or whatever. Everything was a reason to go smoke some dope..
It just took being tired of being tired and finding what works for me. It took some trial and error, but I just kept doing different things until it all clicked.
Isn't it great, though, that we got another chance? I am so glad you do have another chance to try again. Keep working and keep coming back!
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