I can relate to where you are. I had good jobs which, in all reality, should have been enough in themselves but they were not. In the success of the job something in was still lacking, or so I was lead to believe from within. I'm sure aware of the seemingly bottomless hole inside we try to fill with work, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, gambling, on and on... Whatever I did was not enough. I always had to something else. That "need" drove to the point of death several times but did not win out. Finally, after decades I found that surrender where there was total agreement on every level of my being "I am a alcoholic, drug addict, and don't know how to live. In that moment life changed. I had admitted to my innermost self what and who I am and it became my responsibility to change, to use some program of recovery and adhere to it. At times it has been anything but easy yet I am much happier than I ever was before.
When you are ready you will know and not before.....Once you cross that threshold you will see for yourself how wonderful life is, pleasure-pain and all..........
Good luck until.................
