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I'm new - a former binge drinker

Old 01-03-2010, 07:58 PM
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I'm new - a former binge drinker

I've been lurking for about a month. I think I've known for about 10 years that I've had a problem. Wasn't ready to deal with it. Couldn't imagine a life without alcohol...then would incesssantly go back and forth in my mind about it...well, I only drink on weekends, so how could I have a "real" problem? Oh well, I must not then! Great, more drinking. And the time just zipped by. I feel so stupid at all the wasted time, all the all day hangovers, all the life I missed, when I thought I was the life of the party.

So, I've just gotten to the point that I can't do it anymore. I don't want to. I've lost so much respect for myself, breaking promise after promise to not get completely obliterated 'this time'. I want to stop obsessing about it, stop hating myself for it...it's dawned on me recently that so much of my time and thought processes are all around alcohol.

For me, it's not the days, but the weekends with no alcohol that count. I could hold it at bay during the week, but Friday/Sat and recently Sunday's...look out. So, I've got 8 days today. One weekend (this one).

I tried last month to do this, and made it two weekends. But in those two, I got so much done, that I would've never and had never been able to do. Things like grocery shopping, and actually cooking a meal, sleeping a restful sleep, not worrying about what I said or did, or who might've witnessed it (whatever it was or wasn't). I just know I want to move towards life.

Thanks everyone for letting me share a bit. This is a great site, and these boards have helped me identify what's been going on with me.
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Old 01-03-2010, 08:03 PM
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Glad you've stopped lurking and decided to join in, welcome to SR!

Last edited by Astro; 01-04-2010 at 11:35 AM.
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Old 01-03-2010, 08:03 PM
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Welcome humblestudent,

I am new here too. This a great place, there are so many wonderful wise people here.

Stick around, read and post daily.

55438
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Old 01-03-2010, 08:08 PM
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Welcome humble...glad you joined us. SR has helped me realize a lot of things, too. Hope you post more and let us know how you're doing!
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:04 PM
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welcome humblestudent

I knew it was time too.

It's not easy to go against the grain, especially if you're in a social circle that encourages the weekend blow out.

But like you say, the simple rewards of living free are amazing too
You'll find a lot of support here - keep checking in!

D
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:08 PM
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Welcome! Keep reading and posting!
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:11 PM
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Welcome! Glad you are here.
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:43 PM
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WoW, humble.....I read your post as if I wrote it!!

I KNOW exactly what you are feeling and going
through, I have lived the shame, guilt and despair
for many, many years!!

You are NOT alone in your struggles and now your
journey in Sobriety!! I know *I* can not do it alone!!

I made the decision 3 days ago to stop the InSaNiTy!!
I have been hanging out on SR, reading, posting, reading,
posting and feeling stronger then ever!! I am reading my
AA big book, 24 hours, 12/12 and getting back to all the resources
that helped me get 6 mths sober before......adding SR as a new
resource!!

Today I choose NOT to drink!! We CAN do it....together!!!
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Old 01-03-2010, 10:56 PM
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Welcome to SR....
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Old 01-03-2010, 11:28 PM
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Hi Humble!

Welcome to SR. This is a great place to learn and there's lots of great people here!

Love,

Lenina
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Old 01-03-2010, 11:48 PM
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Hey there HumbleStudent,

Much like InsideOut, I felt as if I was reading something I wrote as I read your post. You are definitely not alone in this one. I too feel that I have spent a huge amount of time just debating the issue in my mind - much less the actual time drinking, or whatever. Just reclaiming that time alone, the time I have spent thinking about this issue, is a huge motivating factor for me to really make a decision and stick with it.

I am also on 8 days (as of this 'insomniax' early, early morning). Quit for 2 weeks as well about 2 months ago; went good and just drifted back. I knew I was heading out on a month long vacation (back 'home', first time in over a year), and I knew quitting right before this rendezvous with old friends would be an exercise in futility. I knew that when the vacation was over that it was going to be 'the time'. Skipped NYE debauchery and woke up on New Year's Day and got some exercise! That has got to be a first, exercise on New Year's Day... !

Humble, InsideOut, I am glad you both are here. We're all on just about the exact same page. Hang in there! Rock on.

//_wlx
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Old 01-04-2010, 01:04 AM
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Welcome, I have also done so much since not drinking. I seem to be getting alot of things finished and it's great!!!
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Old 01-04-2010, 05:37 AM
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Welcome! Enjoy SR - you have been lurking so know its a great place Hang in there and as they keep telling me - one day at a time!
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Old 01-04-2010, 05:51 AM
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Welcome to SR Humble.
I too was a binge drinker, maybe one or two days a week when I also decided that I had had enough and being the life of the party was mostly an illusion.
Try to find some other, more productive and interesting activities to replace the time you spent drinking.
Cooking is a good start. I like eating.
I am a regular at the gym now and that has really helped me stay focused.
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Old 01-04-2010, 12:08 PM
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Former Weekend binge-drinker here. I was very similar to you waiting all week to get loaded as soon as Friday comes. Binges getting heavier and behaviour more erratic and addicted and moods swings galore.

Glad to be out of that vicous cycle now, sure it's hard at times but it's worth it as the rewards that you gain through not being in the game anymore are major.

just hang in there during the tough times and as time goes by you tend to find yourself not obsessing about the weekend bender and wondering how you ever put up with the hangovers/WDS/comedowns. Make sure you work a recovery program though as you need it to change the way you think about life in general and others in-order to remain gratefully sober. And even that gratitute has a habit of taking a nose-dive at times but you just have to get through it and appreciate that if giving up bingeing was that easy then there wouldn't be loads of relapses happening all the time and millions of pounds being made in rehabs etc

Just treat it basically as one day at time staying away from that first drink and you wont go far wrong at a basic level. Then just work some form of recovery program ie- AA 12 steps or whatever you find works for you, and then you should stand a chance.

peace and Love
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Old 01-04-2010, 12:58 PM
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Hello humble and welcome to SR! Also, congrats on 8 days, and I am also one of those who could have written this- I was a binge drinker for years, although towards the end, it were binges several days of the week. I agree with Neo about what he said about the need to change one's concepts and that looking into a program do increase the chances of staying sober and staying content while doing so. Keep posting and reading, you are not alone in this and if you haven't, check also out this thread, it's also about binge drinkers
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-drinkers.html
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Old 01-04-2010, 08:14 PM
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Thank you to everyone for your warm welcome. It's so freeing to be able to talk openly about this and to be understood. It's like holding this huge ugly secret that just eats at you with it's very existence. Letting it out has been like finally being able to exhale. I've never been so serious about this before. Never wanted it like I do now. I want to be normal, feel good, remember evenings out, never embarrass myself or my husband. I want to continue to be able to wake up on a Saturday or Sunday looking foward to yummy pancakes, vs. my head in the bowl. Please remind me of this if I start thinking I can drink again...because deep down, really deep down, I know I can't. It's over. The party is DONE.
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Old 01-06-2010, 01:03 AM
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I like this place because people do talk openly, and I feel I can do the same. Which is super handy.

I hear you completely. 110%. I am done, capital D Done, with that party. I want to be normal too. I do not want to have hangovers. I do not wish to embarrass myself anymore than I already have! I hear you loud and clear!

Day 10 is starting today. Keep it going strong! You can do this, 2010 is your year! Keep posting, I know I will be.

//_wlx
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Old 01-06-2010, 10:50 AM
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Welcome Humblestudent - sorry I missed this when you first posted.

You mentioned it was freeing to be able to speak your mind here, & that was so important for me. SR is the reason I was able to get well after decades of binging. I was stuck on thinking it was only a matter of willpower. I tried so many ways to make my drinking ok, and every time I failed. When I began to read here I was still drinking, but I soaked up all the advice & information I could find. I finally gained the strength & determination I needed to pour that last beer down the drain. I've come here daily since those early, terrifying days - I hope you'll continue to find reassurance & inspiration here.

Your positive and upbeat attitude will be so helpful in your recovery. I was quite bitter & resentful in the beginning & it kept me from progressing for awhile. At almost 2 yrs. sober I'm still learning new things about myself & life in general. I kept myself blind and numb for so long. It's great to be alive.

Congratulations on your wise decision to join us, we're happy you're here.
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