humblestudent

I've been lurking for about a month. I think I've known for about 10 years that I've had a problem. Wasn't ready to deal with it. Couldn't imagine a life without alcohol...then would incesssantly go back and forth in my mind about it...well, I only drink on weekends, so how could I have a "real" problem? Oh well, I must not then! Great, more drinking. And the time just zipped by. I feel so stupid at all the wasted time, all the all day hangovers, all the life I missed, when I thought I was the life of the party.

So, I've just gotten to the point that I can't do it anymore. I don't want to. I've lost so much respect for myself, breaking promise after promise to not get completely obliterated 'this time'. I want to stop obsessing about it, stop hating myself for it...it's dawned on me recently that so much of my time and thought processes are all around alcohol.

For me, it's not the days, but the weekends with no alcohol that count. I could hold it at bay during the week, but Friday/Sat and recently Sunday's...look out. So, I've got 8 days today. One weekend (this one).

I tried last month to do this, and made it two weekends. But in those two, I got so much done, that I would've never and had never been able to do. Things like grocery shopping, and actually cooking a meal, sleeping a restful sleep, not worrying about what I said or did, or who might've witnessed it (whatever it was or wasn't). I just know I want to move towards life.

Thanks everyone for letting me share a bit. This is a great site, and these boards have helped me identify what's been going on with me.