cinglenluvnit

since stumbling (almost literally) onto this site and making the decision to turn my life around (only sober for two days now) I feel like I have become obsessed with this site.

As I sat here reading this or that, I finally realized a few emotions were happening.

One of those was that reading about drinking made me want a drink. All the talk about never again or just one more time or here I go again, started to make the cravings strong midday today. The thoughts of "never again" really hit hard.

This evening I also realized that this is almost my way of still be connected to alcohol. If I can not drink it I can at least "read" about it. I know this may sound strange, but these just some thoughts that I have going through my mind as I begin recovery.

Has anyone else gone through these experiences during their initial process of breaking the curse of addiction? I hope that going back to work tomorrow will help keep my mind off of my "frienemy" named alcohol.

Two days and counting

Anna

Hi,

I think that in early recovery, thinking of 'forever' can be very overwhelming. Give yourself some time and take some small steps, and know that you can get through this.

I had been recovering for a couple of years before I found SR, and I've been here ever since. SR is my lifeline.

coffeenut

Early sobriety is just rough...it just is.

In my case, learning more about what I was going through with others that had been through it....helped me...if fact, it saved my life.

Best wishes, cingle.

suki44883

Yes! In early recovery, I did find it difficult to come here and read and talk about alcohol. It's the same reason I never wanted to attend AA meetings. Now, before I get slammed for that, I know that AA has helped a bunch of people stay sober and I have nothing at all bad to say about AA. It just wasn't for me. Everyone is different. I had to back away from SR for a while until I felt comfortable enough to talk about alcohol without wanting a drink. January 6 will mark 18 months of sobriety for me. It doesn't bother me at all now to come here and offer experience, strength and hope to others who are going through what I went through. It helps some people need to read about bad experiences with alcohol. It reminds them of why they don't want to return to that life. With me, I knew there were people here who would support me when I needed it, but didn't spend a lot of time here until I had several months of sobriety under my belt. Whichever way works for you, I have to say...Thank God for SR!

WakeUp

Agree. The "never again" thing does get alot of people. Sure bit me in the butt awhile ago. You mean I can never drink again? Ever???

That's why they say one day at a time. If you have to, break it down to one hour at a time, 15 minutes at a time. I'll say sober for the next 5 minutes, then do it again, and again, till the urge passes.

Lenina

cingle,

I think it's the Addictive Voice talking to you. I call it Radio K-%$#@. For me, alcoholism is a disease, a malady or something. It's like a beast that lives in my head. It wants to protect itself at all costs. It will whisper, lie, scream, tantrum or whatever to feed itself.

Focus on the good parts of recovery. Health, return of self-esteem and feeling better. And just take it one day at a time. Keep reading, post when you want to. SR is a great place to be.

Love,

Lenina

Dime

Welcome and glad you are here!!

Stick around there is great support here. This is a wonderful sobriety tool for me today that helps me stay sober. Pop in to chat some time, great recovery support and it's fun!!

cinglenluvnit

I never meant anything negative about SR....it truly as been a key factor in my turning the corner to recovery....thank you for all the support

blackbirdsing

i have been reading a lot about the law of attraction lately, and thinking about how what i focus on manifests itself in my life. as far as how that relates to this site, recovery, and alcohol in general.. for now... for me...
as with all things some filtering is beneficial, esp. in these very early days of my recovery. i try to focus on the positives here (and there are many) such as the gratitude posts, the success stories, the changed lives.
i look at this site as my connection to recovery, to healing, to information... not to alcohol. i've tried to quit drinking on my own many times, and never felt as good about it (or about myself as i do it as i do today)- i credit a lot of that to being armed with information and surrounded by others here on the same path.
i'm pretty tired tonight, i hope that makes sense and i hope that working tomorrow helps you to focus on something else. take it easy though, for me avoiding stress is really beneficial right now.
peace and love,
sarah

Aysha

I use to watch intervention just to see them doing drugs. I usually turned it off when they got to the intervention part. I would look up images of crack and go on youtube and watch videos showing crack and use. Sick ..isnt it?

I stopped all that tho.
But I know exactly how you feel. It seemed the more I thought about this recovery thing, the more I wanted to use. Yea. I know exactly how you feel.
I am not sure if its just that I am over the initial shock of it all. Or maybe I have been doing this for a little while now. Back and forth. That all that has worn off now.
I do know that I am def to the point where I am so completely sick of mysefl that I cant even stomach the thought of wanting to use right now. But you know. Thats for now. Today. And tomorrow I will just try and do the same thing as I did to make through today.
Hang in there.

Dee74

I dunno cingle - I think most everything made me want to drink in those first few weeks...it's tough giving up a life where booze was the cure all for every emotion or situation.

It gets better

D

TigerLili

When I started getting sober reading or hearing about alcohol use made me want to drink. I totally understand. What I was advised to do was to also listen for the solutions people offered - what helped them stay sober. So when you read the accounts of drinking, maybe keep an eye out for what they do that helps them stay off booze and improve their life. If they are just focusing on the problem, I'd steer clear of that person.

tyler

I had the same experience with NA. It wasn't a problem with the program really, the problem was with me. I felt like I could always look around the rooms and find someone who was worse off than me, so somehow my sick mind turned that into permission to keep using.

I've learned a lot from meetings and from the many 12steppers here, but it just wasn't the right fit for me. I never really had the same experience here, I think because I can pick and choose what I read and respond to. This has always been a "safe" place for me. A place I could come after f'ing up or even while f'd up sometimes, and be met with love and understanding, even when I certainly didn't love or understand myself.

As the rooms are a lifeline for many, that is what SR is for me. The times I've stepped away from this place have been some of the darkest in my life. I will always be grateful for this place.

lionheart

Being a newbie myself I absolutely understand what you mean by the "never again" thing. I know as soon as I start to think about the never having this drink or that drink or whatever, I start to get anxious so instead of going and having one, I make myself busy in some way. From reading and hearing others, its the addictive voice telling me that one wont hurt or you can try control drinking etc. Its just the mind playing tricks and while I am only 10 days into this, I try my hardest to get through those few minutes which in turn, get me through that day.

Distraction isnt always the answer, but it sure does help right then and there!

That is my experience on the never again thoughts.

Hang in there - this place can really be of use and assistance and the people are very kind and understanding.

yeahgr8

AA works for me:-)